Monthly Archives: June 2010

A Perfect Father


We would be remiss if we did not end this week by acknowledging that there are many readers and families for whom even the topic of father is a painful one.  For many their earthly dads have let them down, abandoned them, even severely wounded some.  This is a  tragedy because the very role of father was intended to point us to our Heavenly Father.  It is no wonder that so many today have difficulty acknowledging God as father or even acknowledging His existence.

Never the less for those who have been wounded and hurt by their dad, there is One who is waiting for you with arms outstretched.  He will not fail us because he, in his very nature is perfect.  1 John even states, “God is Love.”

Luke 15 reminds us not only of how deep God’s love is for us but that He waiting and watching for us to come to Him. “I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:18-20)

A Perfect Father 2010-06-25T20:21:53+00:00

A Philosophy of Life


Like we have talked about with discussing our traits about mom, this list of what dad brings to the family is by no means exhaustive.  The last trait that we will discuss is a very important trait.  Dad has the responsibility of being the molder and leader of the family’s philosophy of life.  A philosophy of life is what gives a family purpose.  A philosophy of life is what helps a family make each decision.  Questions like: Should we do this or buy this of let our children participate in this, are all answered by the family’s philosophy of Life.

Dad is called to … mandated to direct the family philosophy of Life.  No philosophy of life could be more consistent and life changing for the children than a faith based philosophy of life.  In our home our center for each decision came from a faith in Jesus Christ.  IF every decision was based in our faith in Christ, much of the times the children knew the answers to questions before they even asked … but they still asked.

Joshua gave this Father’s Mandate when he challenged the other dads around him to live consistently by choosing a philosophy of life to follow.

“But if you are unwilling to serve the LORD, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the LORD.”  (Joshua 24:15, NLT)

It is part of the assignment of each dad to lead out in the training and living of a consistent philosophy of Life.  One the children can emulate.

A Philosophy of Life 2010-06-22T14:52:40+00:00

Bring on the Fun!


Another trait that Dad can bring to the family is a sense of fun! It is interesting to watch parents of babies.  The difference between moms and dads in how they play is hilarious.  Dad is usually the one who will be tossing the baby in the air, much to the child’s delight and moms chagrin.  As the children get older dad is the one on the floor playing horsy or having wrestling matches.  He seems to be the one at bath time who covers the bathroom in water from all the splashing, or at bed time begins a pillow fight instead of finishing the book.

Dads are able to bring an awesome sense of fun to the family.  We need to remember how important it is to family life that there is a sense of fun.  If things get stressful at work or in other areas, having fun at home can be a great stress reliever.  This needs to be made a priority, especially when there are times when you don’t necessarily feel like playing  and would rather relax in front of the TV.  These times of fun will not only allow you to let go for awhile but also create wonderful memories that your children will carry into adulthood!

Bring on the Fun! 2010-06-22T14:38:29+00:00

Creating a Sense of Self Worth


We get so much of our sense of worth from our dad.  Sadly, so many in this culture struggle with self-worth because they didn’t have a dad around or because he didn’t know how to communicate affirmation.  But today’s dad can rise above the way he was raised and pour affirmation into his children’s lives.

There are many ways a Dad can communicate worth and value.  One of the simplest ways is to simply give your children your time.  This may be easier said than done, but it is worth putting into your schedule.  When children are younger “time” means trying to get home from the office as soon as possible, to spend time with them.  It may be trying to take lunches at home to be with them.  Even as simple as making sure you focus your attention on them when you get home from work and not the evening news.  When you are home … be home.  As children get older, worth is communicated by one on one time.  This is where the concept of “dating you children” is so valuable.  Set up a time where you can take out each child separately.  This may mean getting up early to take them to breakfast before school, or taking them out after school.  It’s not really important when it is done it’s just important that it is done.  The bottom line is spending time with your children communicates volumes and it communicates to them that you think they are worth the time!

Creating a Sense of Self Worth 2010-06-18T19:48:11+00:00

Dad, The Protector


Another trait a Dad brings to the family is a sense of protection.  It’s interesting to watch young children as they sense this.  They sometimes run to mom when they are hurt, for comfort.  When they are scared, from a thunderstorm, they will search for the protection of daddy’s arms.

It is important for fathers in considering this trait to be aware that they are being well rounded in their protection of their family.  Its not just locking the doors at night or getting up to check that weird noise, it’s being aware of what is allowed into your home.

This goes back to the topic of technology that we discussed weeks ago.  What are you allow your children to put in their head, through TV, movies, music and internet.  This falls under the protection responsibility as well.  Like we have said setting up rules and boundaries in these areas take time, as does monitoring them. But the protection of your children’s innocence is worth the time and effort!

Dad, The Protector 2010-06-17T11:17:21+00:00

Dad, The Provider


Over the past few days we have merely scratched the surface of the importance of mom.  There are many more attributes which make moms important.  It would be impossible to come up with an all-inclusive list … so let’s talk about the significance of the role of the father.  This is a timely topic because we celebrate Fathers Day on Sunday.

One of the first traits that God instilled in fathers is the desire to provide for their family. Man’s work ethic can be seen way back in creation, when Adam was called to watch over and name all of the animals.

In a perfect world all men would have a burning desire to put their needs and wants aside and focus on the provision of their families.  This is a hard area today in this economy.  Many men are left to feel inadequate because of the challenge they face attempting to make ends meet.  Even this feeling serves to validate that this trait is deeply instilled in a dad to provide.  Some relief can come from the dad who sheds today’s societal concept of trying to keep up with the “Jones”.  Provision means needs are met; not just financial, but physical, emotional and spiritual as well.  So today when it gets discouraging dads might need help shifting their focus to make sure these other significant children’s needs are met all around.

Dad, The Provider 2010-06-16T17:11:08+00:00

Unconditional Love


One of the biggest things that a mom can communicate to her children is unconditional love.  This is why moms sometimes can take such an emotional beating from our kids as they grow up.   It’s such a back handed compliment. As our kids fight for their independence, often rudely, they know that mom will always be there for them.  Moms shouldn’t allow rude outbursts, but when they happen, deal with them as being unacceptable and then take heart… you have successfully communicated your unconditional love.  Unconditional love communicates our child’s worth and value.  This is a huge responsibility as it will build their self worth for the future.

Unconditional Love 2012-02-14T20:42:05+00:00

Taking The Time To Comfort


In the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30), Jesus described the difference between empathy and comfort.  Empathy is a feeling for someone else’s pain.  Comfort is an action we take to help someone in pain.    We talked about choosing to learn to be empathetic with our kids yesterday.  This means that we can identify with what our kids are feeling, in essence we hurt when they hurt.  Another area that moms are great at is taking the next step, comforting.  To do that we have to know when our kids are hurting.  When children are small and they hurt they hold their little arms up to be held and comforted. They run to mom to help them feel better… often running right past Dad.  As our children grow up they sometime don’t know how to ask for the comfort of mom.  Sometimes when they are hurting they even take it out on mom.  As moms, we need to see past this and learn how to comfort our older children and teens. This is such an important area that moms can help their kids learn.

“Honey, I know you are hurting right now.” A mom can start the conversation.  “I know because you are taking it out on me by the way you are treating me.”  Let me first say that it’s not right to act this toward me.  Let’s talk about what’s really bothering you.  Who hurt you today?  What happened?”

This not only opens the door for your teen to begin to learn to talk about pain, but a mom can also use this to train a child to process his or her pain.  This is a needed marriageable trait for the future for your teen.  In short, with mom’s communication abilities, she can become the family counselor.

This will be different for each child.   It may simply starting with a hug.  Sitting on the edge of their bed at night and listening can be a comfort.  Even leaving encouraging notes on their bathroom mirror or on their bed when they get home from school.  The important thing is just to simply give them the time to comfort them communicates that they are worth it to you!

Taking The Time To Comfort 2010-06-09T15:33:12+00:00

Choosing Empathy


Mom, as the family communication center, is more than just dispatching.  She is also the receiver and processor of family information.  She has the ability to be the most empathetic to her children.  Empathy is defined as, the ability to identify with and understand somebody else’s feelings or difficulties.  It goes a step deeper than sympathy.  It means hurting when someone else hurts.   Moms have the awesome ability to do this because of the deep bond she has with her children.  She has an ability to hear between the words.

This is something that some busy moms might need to get better at; especially as our kids get older and hurt us.  Moms can get more callous and begin to lose the willingness to empathize with their situations.  Empathy can be a choice.  We have to can choose to put ourselves in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.

Empathy starts by listening.  Not hearing but truly listening to what our children are saying, what they are feeling.  Everyone can heart he noise of a baby crying but the baby’s mom can sense what the cry is about … she listens past the noise. It takes time to read between the lines of what our teens are saying … to get to the root of what they are feeling.    There is no one else on this earth that can or will offer our kids this level of understanding or compassion.

Choosing Empathy 2010-06-09T15:28:28+00:00

The Family Communicator


Moms are usually the family communicators and “dispatchers”.  For the most families mom is the center spoke that keeps all of the family organized.  Like who is going where and when, whose doctor’s appointments are next, who has a field trip, and who needs money for lunch today.  Moms are the family multi-taskers.  This makes it easier for a family keep track of all the little day to day details…the things that keep a family running … literally in some cases!

Moms … females … are said to communicate more in a day.  Apparently the average woman speaks about 20,000 words in a day and the average man, about 7,000.  It is seems to be more natural for the mom to be at the forefront of her families communication.

What  can you do to help the ease of your family’s communication and help the day to day run more smoothly?

The Family Communicator 2010-06-09T15:24:43+00:00