Monthly Archives: January 2011

My Child Seems So Angry | Part 1

2011-01-31T22:13:46+00:00

Why is my child angry?

There are many reasons for anger in children.  When your child is consistently expressing anger you may need to take a step back and evaluate.  Are there things that you can do to help?

What are some of the reasons for anger?  Some children just have strong temperaments, who from birth express not getting their way with anger.  Some children express anger at a lack of parenting plan.  Children flourish in an environment of structure and lack of it can cause anger in children.  For some changes in the family dynamic can cause anger.  For example, maybe mom has had to go back to work because of today’s economy or dad may have to be working longer hours.  Maybe it is simply that the family has been too busy as of late or your child is dealing with a difficult solution at school.  Take some time to evaluate if your child’s anger may be coming from a situation like this that may simply take some extra parenting TLC.  We will be spending the rest of this week discussing children’s anger and what to do with it.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on anger in children.

My Child Seems So Angry | Part 1 2011-01-31T22:13:46+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 5

2011-01-31T11:31:47+00:00

Never Give Up! Your Teen Needs You

There are definitely days in parenting that are frustrating, some down right discouraging.  There are times where discouraging thoughts run rampant.  Thoughts such as, “ are they ever going to get this” or “ am I a bad parent?”  We can’t allow frustration or discouragement to overwhelm us and above all never give up!

Through the times of discouragement with your teen focus on pursuing the relationship with them, it is easier for a child to fall under the rules when they know how much you love them.  Make sure that if you are “butting heads” with your teen, you are going overboard communicating your love.

Take some time to focus on how our Savior led his twelve “adolescents.” During the final week of Jesus ministry as He is heading up to Jerusalem, He is sharing once again with His disciples about what will happen in the next few days.  They begin to argue about who is the most important, completely missing the point.  He goes on to teach them about servant leadership.  One of the final things He does for His disciples during the Last Supper, is wash their feet.  He does this even with His heart  burdened by Judas and what is to come in the next few hours.  We need to practice with our family what Jesus has shown us here.  Spend time thinking through how you can serve your children.  Is there a specific way to show love to that difficult teen by serving?

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teenagers.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 5 2011-01-31T11:31:47+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 4

2011-01-31T17:20:01+00:00

Be Their Greatest Fan, Not Their Best Friend

There is something that needs to be established from early childhood that becomes very important in the teen years, and that is the boundary line between adult and child.  There needs to be a definite line of authority in the house and that is the parent.  We need to have taught our children that no means no, there will be no amount of whining or begging that will change it.   When children get to be older teens this can be a difficult time if these boundaries have not been established because they can struggle with feeling they are equals with their parents, especially as they are approaching adulthood.  With out these lines, there can be times when teens may manipulate and even bully their parents to get their way.  We must establish that no means no and we are not there to be their “buddy”.

That being said it is our job to be our child’s cheerleader.  When we are communicating good job, even cheering, when our children make the right choice discipline may become easier for our child to take.  The silly Mary Poppins song is a great reminder, “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”   We need to make sure that when our children are doing the right thing and making the right choices we are verbally praising them.  Our cheers need to be the sugar for the times of correction!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teenagers.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 4 2011-01-31T17:20:01+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 3

2011-01-31T13:10:43+00:00

Don’t Let Your Teen Take Charge of the Home Atmosphere

Teens, like toddlers temper tantrums, have emotional outbursts that can make parents feel immobilized.  For some the outbursts are done through the shock value of raised voices or mean statements, for some it is done through subtle manipulation, and still others attempt to use the sullen I don’t care attitude.  Our job as parents is to not allow these emotional outbursts to dictate the atmosphere of our home.

Some teens don’t know how to communicate that they have had a bad day at school, and because of their emotional immaturity hold their family hostage by their mood.  We need to see through this behavior and try to get to the root of what is going on.  For example, if your teen is being surly at the dinner table then a warning that if the attitude continues they will be excused, needs to happen.  If the attitude continues and they are excused from the table, don’t just leave it at that.  Give your teen a few minutes and go sit on the edge of their bed.  Communicate that their behavior at the table was unacceptable but you are here to be a listening ear if they need to talk.  Right there the boundary for acceptable attitudes have been established but the relationship has also been made a priority.  Don’t allow your teen to hold the rest of your family hostage or dictate how the evening will go by their attitudes.  Take charge but be sure to later communicate your support.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 3 2011-01-31T13:10:43+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 2

2011-01-27T00:26:55+00:00

Choosing to Go After the Relationship

It is so important for your teenager that through all the ups and downs the parent-child relationship is a priority.  This does not mean that you throw out boundaries and attempt to be your child’s friend, which we will discuss later this week.  This means that we constantly attempt to pursue our child, spend time with them and restore relationship after discipline.

Choosing to pursue your child during the teen years maybe difficult but it is necessary.  Try to find things that you do have in common or attempt to learn the things that your child is into at the moment.   One of the most important things to communicate your love and support to your teen is to spend time with them.  This is when it’s so important to take the time to “date” your son or daughter.  Going out with them individually creates a neutral place for them to share.  Make sure that you are a listening ear during these times and not just taking the opportunity to lecture.

It is also imperative that you work to restore relationship after your teen pushes the boundaries.   As parents, we need to be the ones who are acting like the adult and making the first move after discipline, no matter how frustrated we are.  Go sit on your child’s bed at night and reassure them that you love them unconditionally.   Choosing to make this relationship a priority, even through the hard times, will ultimately emulate their Heavenly Father’s love for them.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 2 2011-01-27T00:26:55+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 1

2011-01-27T00:26:49+00:00

Why Teens Just Don’t Fit In

There are a few stages in a child’s life that leave parents feeling over-whelmed.  The first seems to be so daunting that we have nicknamed it “the terrible twos.”  The second, which appears to be not completely unlike the first, is those dreaded teen years.  Many parents report that at about 12 it seems as though some alien has invaded their sweet child’s body.  In fact, many of us who work with teenagers often get eyebrows raised at us when we share how we voluntarily spend our time.

There are a few facts to keep in mind as you approach the teen years.  The similarity to the toddler years is the fact that the teens are once again testing their boundaries.  While this makes for some frustration on the part of the parent it is actually a good thing.  A teen is beginning another push for independence and trying to figure out who they are.  It would seem that how we handle this as parents is one of the keys for helping your child reach the end of adolescence by the end of their teen years and not carry this attitude on into adulthood.

Another factor to keep in mind is that today’s teen appears to have more to deal with, as far as pressures, than any other generation.  Today’s teen while facing similar temptations and pressures as their parents, will have to face them more often and have to face them in the privacy of their home.  This is because of today’s media, internet, and level of peer pressure.  Stay tuned this week as we discuss parenting teenagers.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 1 2011-01-27T00:26:49+00:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

2011-01-27T00:27:56+00:00

When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5 2011-01-27T00:27:56+00:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 4

2011-01-27T00:28:09+00:00

How Competition and Performance Impacts a Child’s Self-Esteem

We discussed earlier this week that our self-esteem is determined by answering the question of whose we are.    If that is the case we need to look at what He created us to be.  He made us human beings not human doings.  Our self worth cannot be established by what we do.  This is an important lesson to teach our children early on.

We have also spent time discussing how to help their self-esteem by communicating that our love is not attached to our child’s performance.  How do we guard them from finding their self-esteem through all of the extra curricular activities in their lives that society would deem important?  One way is to teach them the art of loosing.  We need to show them that it’s not about the win but the effort you put in.  This is such an important lesson to learn early on because if not our children will be looking for that next “win” even in adulthood.  What we do, or don’t do, doesn’t define who we are.  At the end of the day what we do needs to be left on the field.  Our gaze needs to be upward focused on the day where we can hear “Well Done” from our Heavenly Father.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 4 2011-01-27T00:28:09+00:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 3

2011-01-27T00:28:22+00:00

How Discipline Compliments Self-Esteem

How does discipline affect self-esteem?  It seems that many today would think that disciplining a child would hurt their self-esteem, which is why we have so many homes with so little rules.  In fact the opposite is true.  When a child has no consistent boundaries placed around them they feel very insecure.  Just like a fish that has been taken out of the safe boundary of the water they thrive in.

How we discipline our children is the key to this.  We must have a consistent plan in place for discipline because when we do not we become the consequence.   We also must be very careful not to remove our relationship as we discipline.   Which means no yelling or constant lecturing.   Be intentional to restore relationship as part of the discipline process.  Say something like this, “I’m so sorry that you have chosen to go to bed early tonight because of your attitude earlier.  It makes me sad that you chose to go to bed because I was looking forward to spending time with you.  I love you very much, which is why we are working on this area. “  Calmly explain the reason for the consequence and reaffirm our love for the child.  This way when we are consistent with our discipline the child can make the connection that they chose the consequence because of their behavior, it is not that we are mad at them or love them less today.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 3 2011-01-27T00:28:22+00:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2

2011-01-27T00:28:34+00:00

Where does Self-Esteem Begin in a Child’s Development Process?

When does our child’s self-esteem begin to be built? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding.  Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security.  A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The thing that we need to remember is that, unlike God, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.   That is actually a relieving thought; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all may have the best of intentions but we will make mistakes.  Admitting these mistakes will actually help your child through these moments. We can also use these times as a teaching tool, although mom and dad aren’t perfect their Heavenly Father is.

We can also communicate our love when our child makes a mistake.  Our child must know that we love them not how they perform.  We can create this environment by verbally communicating our love even when they have messed up or broken a rule.  We will talk more tomorrow about self-esteem and discipline.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2 2011-01-27T00:28:34+00:00