Monthly Archives: February 2011

Putting Sexual Purity In Your Parenting Curriculum | Part 1

2011-02-28T15:16:21+00:00

Sex and Our Kids

Two of the biggest conflict areas in marriage are sex and finances.  It is probably not a coincidence that these are two of the hardest areas to talk to your children about.  So it would stand to reason that if parents focused on training in these areas then it may help to lower future marital conflict for their children.

With the way the media and culture has made sex a constant topic, today’s children are being bombarded with information on sex.  Unfortunately it is not the correct information.  The media would have us believe that casual sex is not only normal but sex outside the boundaries of marriage has no consequences.  And although seemingly better then previous generations, some of today’s parents still feel immobilized at the thought of discussing sex with their children.  The discussion(s) about sex is vitally important for our children’s future and because of this it needs to be an open and consistent topic in our homes.  We will spend this week discussing the how, when and whys of training your children in this area.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight in teaching your kids about sex.

Putting Sexual Purity In Your Parenting Curriculum | Part 1 2011-02-28T15:16:21+00:00

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 5

2011-02-25T21:05:56+00:00

Don’t Enable Immature Living

One of the goals of parenting is raising a child who is marriageable.  There is a great opportunity to work on this if there is a single adult child who has returned home to live.  For the adult son, his relationship with his mom will help to mold how he treats his future wife.  As we have discussed earlier this week a mother cannot be expected to be subservient to her adult child.  If she consistently does everything for him she can be creating a detrimental expectation for marriage.  This is why we have said that an adult child who is back home needs to be expected to pull their weight.  This may be the hardest for moms with sons because of the dynamic of that relationship.

Choose to expect responsibility at home from your adult child and don’t enable immature living.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of adult children living at home.

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 5 2011-02-25T21:05:56+00:00

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 4

2011-02-24T21:13:12+00:00

The Single Parent and The Adult Child

The relationship of a single parent with their adult child at home can potentially be a complicated one.  As with every step of parenting we need to take time out to examine the relationship.  A single parent, as every parent does, needs to make sure that they are not placing getting their needs met in front of what is best for their child.  There may be the temptation to make it as easy on their child as possible so the child will want to stay, to fill the void of companionship.  This can make for a complex issue.

While it may be beneficial for both parent and adult child to be under the same roof for a time, the parent must continually take a step back and evaluate.  Just like an adult child living at home with both parents, an adult child of a single parent should have responsibilities around the house. There should also be the eventual goal of helping out financially with bills and even paying rent.  This will help the child be prepared for when they are back out on their own and will help to curb any unhealthy spending habits.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 4 2011-02-24T21:13:12+00:00

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 3

2011-02-23T14:07:57+00:00

Have A Plan For Helping Them

It is easy for a college student or twenty something returning home to fall into old patterns.  Parents must be out front on this.  As we have been talking this week, expectations need to be established.   It is easy to fall into the pattern of mom having an extra work load.  There is a scene in a recent movie, which shows in detail a mom doing everything for her adult son.  She does everything from his laundry, to cleaning and vacuuming his room, putting out his clothes for the day and not only making his breakfast but packing his lunch as well. This is of course extreme to make a point but it is easy for a mom to be so happy to have an adult child home that they are willing to serve them to an unhealthy level.

An adult child needs to be able to learn to do things for themselves and contribute to the family atmosphere.   Parents need to have a family staff meeting to determine what expectations are and then a family meeting with their adult child.  On going discussion is necessary so that no resentment can be built up and damage both the marriage relationship and the parent child relationship.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on adult children living at home.

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 3 2011-02-23T14:07:57+00:00

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 2

2011-02-22T21:01:08+00:00

Remember Whose House It Is

It is very important after the goals for your adult child living at home have been established, to have a conversation about boundaries.   It is especially important for college aged or young adults, to establish these boundaries if there are younger siblings around.  It is difficult for a young adult who has lived on their own to fall back under house rules but the expectations of the household should still apply.  There should still be boundaries set up for what is and is not acceptable for a college aged adult at home.

With older adult children at home, perhaps ones with families of their own, it is important to discuss the logistical boundaries to keep from stepping on each others toes.  It is also important to keep everyone in the loop as far as a schedule goes to lessen frustrations.  Even dividing up who will do things such as cooking and household chores will make everything go more smoothly.  Make sure to keep an open dialog about these issues as time goes on.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on adult children living at home

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 2 2011-02-22T21:01:08+00:00

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 1

2011-02-22T15:27:33+00:00

Define The Situation

It seems that many families in this economy have to move back into their parents’ home.  Some parents have adult children who have not yet moved out because of schooling or again the state of the economy and housing/job crisis.  Both ends of the circumstance may be asking the question, “what now?”

It will be helpful for both parent and adult child to take a step back and define the situation or goals for the situation.  What are the reasons behind why the adult child is at home? Some children may like the security of having mom and dad’s resources behind them so they can spend their own money the way they choose with out having to be concerned with overhead.  As we have just mentioned, there are many who have to lean on family right now because of a loss of job or home.  Others because of the high costs of education have chosen to stay at home rather then go away to college.

It will be helpful for both to define this circumstance and set goals around it.  Check back tomorrow as we continue to discuss this issue.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on adult children living at home.

The Adult Child Living at Home | Part 1 2011-02-22T15:27:33+00:00

Kindness Consequences

2011-02-04T17:59:32+00:00

Love to me is kind, gentle, sweet, caring and happy. ~ Mischka, age 7

Training a child is a constant state of reminding that there are 
consequences (both positive and negative) for choices made. It is easy in parenting to focus too heavily on the negative consequences and not 
reward positive choices.

One place that we can reward is kindness in the home.  For some 
reason our homes seems to be the place where kindness is especially lacking, this is the most important training ground.  We can watch carefully and wait to catch our children being kind to other members 
of our household. By constantly uplifting those choices, whether it is immediate or at the dinner table, we can create an environment that 
will breed more and more kindness to others.  You can even make a game of catching your children being kind.  Give points for varying degrees of kindness and reward the winner.  Teaching sibling to treat each other with kindness is a very important life skill.  Take time this weekend to catch your children being kind to one another!

Kindness Consequences 2011-02-04T17:59:32+00:00

Love is Kind

2011-02-04T17:59:58+00:00

Love to me means to help others. ~Jake age 6

Nothing teaches a child how to love like giving the child a view of love in action…because love is an action not a feeling. From the original definition of love (1 Corinthians 13:4) we can pluck the love action of kindness. Love is kind.

Have my children observed me expressing kindness to people we encounter? Am I kind to strangers even when strangers are not. 
Kindness is a choice that is best observed in the face of rudeness.  It is also best learned when it is explained to a child after the fact. “Do you know why I didn’t talk back to that rude woman. It’s because I chose to be loving rather then what felt good at that moment.”

Jesus tells us in Matthew 25:35-40
35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.  36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’  37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink?  38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing?  39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’
40 And the King will tell them, ‘I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

Teach the expression of kindness.

Love is Kind 2011-02-04T17:59:58+00:00

Love is Patient

2011-02-04T18:00:25+00:00

Love is… not punching my brother. – Benny, age 6

The first attribute found in God’s definition of love (1 Corinthians 13) is patience.  In today’s society we don’t do well with patience.  We have been trained for the immediate and today’s children are no different.  Patience is something that is taught by modeling this behavior.  You cannot tell a child to be patient with their sibling and then be in the car driving to the grocery store yelling at the driver in front of you because he is going too slowly.

As parents we must remember that there are always eyes watching to see how we will handle situations.  A child is more prone to do what we do rather than do what we say.  They are visual learners. We must be conscious how we are reacting to the things around us in word and action.  When they watch us our children are learning the “love acted out loud” virtue of patience.

What does it mean to be kind?

Love is Patient 2011-02-04T18:00:25+00:00

You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling….

2011-02-15T21:36:44+00:00

Love to me means that you care about someone, you love being around them and you do stuff for them.~ Feury, age 10

“I Just Don’t Feel Like I Love Her Anymore,” that from a husband of eleven months. The reason why culture is failing at love is that we are learning about love from all the wrong places; from music, movies and books. We get swept up in the romance of the “love at first sight” and “happily ever after” stories.

Isn’t love something you do rather than something you feel?  The mother of an infant doesn’t feel like getting up for the three AM feeding but she is doing love. Children of elderly parents don’t feel like helping those older parents during their last years of life but they do it because they are expressing love. These are selfless choices that are made.

Because Love is something you do, it needs to be something a parent teaches a child to do. The resource for how to do this has to be the Creator of love, and He has written down what love actually looks like in 1 Corinthians 13.  Do these things and your loving. Teach these things and you’re preparing.

What are some creative ways to teach patience?

You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling…. 2011-02-15T21:36:44+00:00