Sex and Our Kids
Two of the biggest conflict areas in marriage are sex and finances. It is probably not a coincidence that these are two of the hardest areas to talk to your children about. So it would stand to reason that if parents focused on training in these areas then it may help to lower future marital conflict for their children.
With the way the media and culture has made sex a constant topic, today’s children are being bombarded with information on sex. Unfortunately it is not the correct information. The media would have us believe that casual sex is not only normal but sex outside the boundaries of marriage has no consequences. And although seemingly better then previous generations, some of today’s parents still feel immobilized at the thought of discussing sex with their children. The discussion(s) about sex is vitally important for our children’s future and because of this it needs to be an open and consistent topic in our homes. We will spend this week discussing the how, when and whys of training your children in this area.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight in teaching your kids about sex.
Don’t Enable Immature Living
One of the goals of parenting is raising a child who is marriageable. There is a great opportunity to work on this if there is a single adult child who has returned home to live. For the adult son, his relationship with his mom will help to mold how he treats his future wife. As we have discussed earlier this week a mother cannot be expected to be subservient to her adult child. If she consistently does everything for him she can be creating a detrimental expectation for marriage. This is why we have said that an adult child who is back home needs to be expected to pull their weight. This may be the hardest for moms with sons because of the dynamic of that relationship.
Choose to expect responsibility at home from your adult child and don’t enable immature living.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of adult children living at home.
The Single Parent and The Adult Child
The relationship of a single parent with their adult child at home can potentially be a complicated one. As with every step of parenting we need to take time out to examine the relationship. A single parent, as every parent does, needs to make sure that they are not placing getting their needs met in front of what is best for their child. There may be the temptation to make it as easy on their child as possible so the child will want to stay, to fill the void of companionship. This can make for a complex issue.
While it may be beneficial for both parent and adult child to be under the same roof for a time, the parent must continually take a step back and evaluate. Just like an adult child living at home with both parents, an adult child of a single parent should have responsibilities around the house. There should also be the eventual goal of helping out financially with bills and even paying rent. This will help the child be prepared for when they are back out on their own and will help to curb any unhealthy spending habits.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Have A Plan For Helping Them
It is easy for a college student or twenty something returning home to fall into old patterns. Parents must be out front on this. As we have been talking this week, expectations need to be established. It is easy to fall into the pattern of mom having an extra work load. There is a scene in a recent movie, which shows in detail a mom doing everything for her adult son. She does everything from his laundry, to cleaning and vacuuming his room, putting out his clothes for the day and not only making his breakfast but packing his lunch as well. This is of course extreme to make a point but it is easy for a mom to be so happy to have an adult child home that they are willing to serve them to an unhealthy level.
An adult child needs to be able to learn to do things for themselves and contribute to the family atmosphere. Parents need to have a family staff meeting to determine what expectations are and then a family meeting with their adult child. On going discussion is necessary so that no resentment can be built up and damage both the marriage relationship and the parent child relationship.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on adult children living at home.
Remember Whose House It Is
It is very important after the goals for your adult child living at home have been established, to have a conversation about boundaries. It is especially important for college aged or young adults, to establish these boundaries if there are younger siblings around. It is difficult for a young adult who has lived on their own to fall back under house rules but the expectations of the household should still apply. There should still be boundaries set up for what is and is not acceptable for a college aged adult at home.
With older adult children at home, perhaps ones with families of their own, it is important to discuss the logistical boundaries to keep from stepping on each others toes. It is also important to keep everyone in the loop as far as a schedule goes to lessen frustrations. Even dividing up who will do things such as cooking and household chores will make everything go more smoothly. Make sure to keep an open dialog about these issues as time goes on.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on adult children living at home