Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 8
Feb 29
Social Networking and Your Teen’s Reputation
It is a parent’s job to help the teen protect his or her reputation. The impulsive nature of teens seems to block them from thinking about the long term effects of some of their social networking choices. The myspace/facebook profiles are perfect examples. Look at your teen’s profile and make sure there is nothing objectionable. Establish a list of rules to protect your teen’s reputation.
Most teens do not think that colleges and potential employers look at their MySpace/Facebook pages to try to get to know them. Comments, as well as, pictures/videos that are posted can damage their future. Even comments that friends make on their pages reflect who they are. With uploading pictures and videos happening often, they need to be run by the parent before they are posted. This helps add one more layer of accountability for internet usage.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 7
Feb 28
Your Child’s Privacy And Social Networking
What’s a parent to do about the social networking scene. Kids today seem to do a lot of their “hanging out” online. Which is why there has been an explosion of social networking sites. Parents must set parameters.
Many parents are not aware of the fact that sites have a 13/14 year age minimum. Sites are doing what they can to safeguard younger children. They also have an automatic privacy setting for people under 16. The problem is children are getting on and lying about their age. Parents that allow their under 13 year old to have a Facebook or MySpace account are encouraging dishonesty. This can be a very dangerous and slippery slope.
If your child is over the age limit that does not mean they must have an account. These accounts need to be handled responsibly and can only be trusted to teens who can handle the responsibility.
Parents need to know passwords and privacy controls need to be set so only friends can see their page. Teens need to understand they are not permitted to share personal information such as phone numbers, address, email addresses or any other information that a stranger could use to contact a child for a one on one. Only people they know should be the people who are allowed to be their “friends” on their pages. It also can be dangerous when kids treat it like a contest to see who has the most “friends” and will allow anyone to be their friend on these sites.
This is by no means a comprehensive list of safe guards, but it is a starting point. First and foremost keep an open dialog with your teen about their page or even get a Facebook or MySpace page yourself so you can keep track of what’s really going on.
Tomorrow we will discuss social networking and reputations.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 6
Feb 27
Protection Always Comes Before Your Child’s Privacy
In the discussion of privacy vs protection on the internet may be the most debated and overwhelming issue to parents. We are going to open this week by going over some basic computer safety. The reason to place such high priority on internet safety is made obvious by some of the following statistics. Of teens surveyed, 43% who had a profile on a social network site said they had been contacted by strangers, 21% said they had responded. Research from 2005 stated that 1 in 3 teens, 10 to 17 year olds, had been exposed to unwanted pornography. Add to that the millions of children who have been victims of cyber bullying.
These stats are scary. It is our responsibility to place appropriate parameters around the internet and usage of the computer. The simplest safety policy is to keep the computer in a public place. That way it can never be behind closed doors, literally. Because this is a safety issue it is not wise for children to have internet in their bedrooms. The second safety policy is a password. Children need to come to mom in order to get on. This prevents any late night usage without parental consent. A third safety precaution is a safety filter. Beyond the safety filter parents need to consider having monitoring software. This software allows the parents to see not only where their children have gone, but some can actually monitor chat and emails.
Some parents may feel these precautions violate their children’s privacy. Consider the fact that 1 in 5 children ages 10 -17 have been solicited for sex online! This has gone way beyond a privacy issue … it is a protection issue … and protection comes first. These statistics should not immobilize but spur us into action to protect the safety, wellbeing and innocence of our children.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 5
Feb 24
Protection Is Far More Important Than Privacy
Next week we are going to look at Privacy vs protection in the technology, telephone, texting world. Today as we finish this week, however, I want to continue to hone down on the word Parental Responsibility. Our children and teens are naturally wired to battle us for more freedom and it is our job to let them practice continually expanding freedoms.
Begin the process with “The Bulls Eye Approach”. This means that you start small and work your way out. Allow your child to practice by giving them small bits of trust. You begin by allowing your children a little bit of freedom. When they prove themselves trustworthy, for staying on track with their independence, you can allow them a little more freedom. For example, as your children get older you can allow them to ride their bikes in the neighborhood. (Obviously you don’t make any of these decisions hastily because your children’s safety needs to be your primary concern) Next you may allow them to ride their bike to the park in your neighborhood. You establish boundaries, such as a time to be home. “Hit the Bull’s Eye (ride your bike only where we said you should ride your bike and be home when we said you need to be home) and we’ll try this again. Miss the Bull’s Eye and we will know you aren’t ready to do this by yourself.
It is the parent’s responsibility to hold the child accountable. Take the car and make sure that they are at the park. If they are trustworthy and come home within the time frame they hit the Bully’s Eye and freedom is their reward. If they did not follow instructions then they need to have a consequence and until they can prove themselves trustworthy, no biking to the neighborhood park.
This training is all preparation for the years to come … for the things that require big trust. Through this experience you have shown them two things. You love them enough to be holding them accountable and you will be checking up on them. Being consistent in these two areas of your parenting will also communicate that you are trustworthy as well.
As we close this week remember two things. First, protection is far more important than privacy. And second our culture today doesn’t advocate for the futures of children and teens. This is the parent’s job!
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 4
Feb 23
Creating Accountability
Privacy vs. protection, how far do parents go when it comes to their child/teens choice of friends? Because parents often don’t know what to do, they allow their child to hang out with people that they know they shouldn’t. Or worse, the parents are so removed from their child’s world they don’t even know their friends. Being an active parent is hard work and time consuming. This is one of those places it seems easier to not get involved.
But this is an extremely important issue. As your child grows the friends they have around them will have a role in who they become and the values that they develop. The good news is that most teens stated, when asked, that their parents are still the number one influence in their lives. This means you can still influence who they pick as friends … the number two influence.
As children grow they want to be more and more independent and they should be. This creates another training opportunity for parents. You can allow your child little bits of freedom with their friends to build trust. This means however, that it is our job to check up on them. This creates accountability.
In my (Torrey) teen years birthday parties started to become the boy/girl dance parties that most parents dread. My parents had a plan to use these parties for training purposes. Instead of not allowing me to go, My Dad would call to make sure they knew what would be going on and to make sure there would be an adult present. They would then halfway through the party make an appearance to make sure everything was following our family rules. I knew that the party had gone over the line and I hadn’t called home, I would be taken home and not allowed at the next part. They allowed me the freedom to make the choice to call but also checked in on me to make sure I was doing what I was supposed to. While at the time it was embarrassing, I knew that they cared enough about me to get involved at this level.
When we begin to allow freedoms to our child, we have to follow up. When parents allow these freedoms they are training decision making. “Should I stay at the party even though I know I shouldn’t or should I make the decision to call home?” When parents follow up they have no way to keep our children accountable…which means we are failing to train our children as well as failing to protect them.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
