Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 1

Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 1

Apr 30

The Questions Your Child Has But Doesn’t Know To Ask

Children are innately curious creatures.  Ask any mom of a toddler and they will tell you how they spend their day answering the seemingly limitless amount of questions.  Why, or in my son’s case, what happened? At some point though if we are not careful they stop asking questions.

As parents it is our job to make sure that we are open and available for our children to ask questions to.  It is very easy to quickly answer a question and continue on with what we are doing.  Often these are moments where our children want to know something deeper and either don’t know how to ask it or are feeling us out for how we will respond.  Take the time to truly listen to what your children are saying and look for opportunities to draw up that underlying question.

Remember we want to constantly do things that will open the lines of communication with our child and reinforce that we will always be a safe place for them to come with questions, even the hard ones.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 5

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 5

Apr 20

Go Big on Relationship and Consistent with Discipline

The only “yelling” that we should be doing as parents is the cheering for our children.  One of the things that we are called to do is to be our child’s number one fan.  If we are cheering our child on then there will be no fear to try something new.

One of the best pictures of consistency in parenting for me has come from watching my husband in one of his stress relievers, bonsai trees.   He will get a little plant and as it grows he, slowly over time, bends the branches with wires and trims back the excess.  This helps the tree grow into the shape that it is most beautiful. If he just left it alone it would be overgrown and not pleasing to the eye. If he were to try to make the branches go instantly into the shape he wanted, they would break.  Each tree has its own unique shape and beauty to it.  When we are consistent with our discipline, slowly pruning and shaping things that don’t belong, it helps our children become the people God created them to be.  If we are too harsh, such as yelling constantly, we break their spirits.  It is our job to patiently and consistently utilize our parenting plan to grow our children to reach their beautiful potential.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 4

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 4

Apr 19

How to Stop Yelling Part 2

One of the big lessons that we want to teach our children is impulse control, in order to do that we have to live this out.  If we are consistently yelling at our children we are not showing impulse control.   We cannot have a rule in our house of not yelling between siblings and then yell as parents.

If we are in the heat of the moment and get frustrated give yourself permission to take a time out.  If you are yelling at your children take a moment to calm yourself and then continue the discussion.  You may just need to step away from the situation for a moment to think of a proper consequence.  Have a set place for your child to be where you can stop what is going on to do this.  For instance have your child sit down on the couch and tell them you will be back in a moment to inform them of their consequence.

If you do yell, which we all will at times, take the time to apologize to your children.  This will also help to communicate to your child that this is not acceptable behavior.  Then sit down and get out in front of the consequences for the next time. This way you will be more prepared and won’t have to resort to yelling.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of yelling.

 
Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 3

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 3

Apr 18

How to Stop Yelling

Yelling is not an effective consequence.  You can literally watch a child who has been frequently yelled at glaze over when mom or dad starts yelling.  Its almost as if they are thinking, “if I can just wait this out then I can continue with what I am doing.”  If we apply it to our lives, it would not be an effective consequence for us either.  If we are consistently yelled at by a boss we consider that a hostile work environment and would begin to look for another job.  Just being yelled at by a police officer for speeding or running a red light would probably not be cause enough for most of us to stop these behaviors.  But we would think of filing a complaint.  If we would be angry at another adult for treating us this way then why would we treat our child this way?

Think about it yet another way. We would be very upset if we knew that a teacher, administrator or even another child was consistently yelling our son or daughter.  We would take action if another authority over our child berated them or called them a bad name.  However, if we do not have a plan in place for discipline then we open ourselves up to doing this to our own child.  I have heard parents at wits end say things like, “you are such a disappointment to me”.  Wow! I am sure that what they meant was “what you just did disappointed me or made me sad”.  The things that we say impact our children.  We don’t want the memories that they carry with them to be yelling or negative statements.  Take the time to come up with a plan!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 2

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 2

Apr 17

Why Parents Yell

There are several signs for us that we need to take a step back and evaluate our parenting.  One of those signs is consistent yelling.  When we yell at our children we make ourselves the consequence and begin to remove our relationship from them.

There are several reasons why parents yell.  Yelling may be the only parenting style we have observed.  It is also a sign of exhaustion; we are so tired that our fuse is short.  Another reason is that we may forget that children will act like children, and we are taking their behavior personally. It may also be a sign that there is too much stress in our lives and our children are getting the brunt of it.

What we discussed yesterday may be one of the main reasons parents resort to yelling. .  There may not be a plan for consequences in our home so the result is we get frustrated or feel helpless.  Take the time to sit down with your spouse and come up with some consequences that fit the “crime” rather then resort to yelling.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on yelling.