Monthly Archives: May 2013

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 5

2013-05-24T12:46:17+00:00

Choose The Voices Your Child Listens To

We have spoken many times here on Parenting on Purpose about who influences your child.  It can be media, peers, teachers etc.  Teens still say that their parents have the number one influence in their lives, even if they don’t act like it. How are we using this influence? We can get discouraged and allow those other influences to be louder then our voice as parents or we can choose to use our voice for good in our teen’s life.

This is the action of our faith. Do we live out our faith on a day to day basis for our children to observe?  When we do this they can see that their own faith is a daily walk and not just a Sunday event.  Their “moral compass” or the Holy Spirit will be the guide to help them filter through all the other “voices” that are around them.  Choose to make your faith an every day event to encourage your children in their own journey with Christ.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 5 2013-05-24T12:46:17+00:00

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 4

2013-05-23T13:36:55+00:00

Choose To Teach From Your Mistakes

One of the reasons our children grow up with a compartmentalized faith is because faith is viewed as a “standard” and not an “exercise”.  We refer back to God or church as a standard and say things like.  “You just learned on Sunday that you’re not supposed to lie and look what you’re doing!”.  Again and again our children fall short because their faith is viewed as a standard to compare against.  Children need to see faith exercised.  When we exercise or practice, we assume that we are going to make mistakes and use the practice field to improve our skills.  Life is a practice field for parents and children. Unfortunately, parents sometimes treat this practice field as if they were the referee as opposed to a participant.

Parents need to exercise faith by teaching their children from their mistakes as well as their successes.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 4 2013-05-23T13:36:55+00:00

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 3

2013-05-22T13:29:39+00:00

Where To Begin

We spoke earlier this about how parents are hoping that by dropping their children off at church, their children will develop an everyday faith…the problem is for the average family, church only has about 40 hours a year to influence a child…where as

The average parent has over 3000 hours of influence each year in the lives of their children.  This encompasses car rides, time around the table, times during the day where parents and kids are together and where influence can happen.  When a parent can use some of those 3000 hours to influence their child spiritually, we can see an everyday faith develop.

“Be Kind and Loving to each other” Catch them doing something right, and encourage the right behavior. When you connect social behavior to biblical principle, you make the bible come alive for a child/student.  You can catch them being kind and loving especially with in the home with their siblings.  Make sure to model this behavior with your spouse and with others outside you home.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 

 

 

 

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 3 2013-05-22T13:29:39+00:00

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 2

2013-05-21T12:23:27+00:00

Why Do Parents and Churches Struggle In This Area?

We are constantly bombarded by images.  Images that would suggest a perfect family with perfect children, the “stock image family”.  The problem is these are only models acting for a picture it is not real life.  In real life family can be messy.  There are real life issues that are dealt with.  Today’s family may not look like the nuclear family of times past, it may include a single parent, step parents etc.

Parents, and churches, must move past the stereotype of what family should look like and apply faith to what their family is. Your family does not surprise God, and He doesn’t expect you to be like the stock family photo; air brushed and edited to perfection.  God loves your family the way you are.  Every family needs to develop their own rhythm, which works for them.  When you develop this rhythm, you can begin modeling/teaching an everyday faith for your children.  A faith that isn’t fake or compartmentalized but real, organic, and practical for your specific circumstances in life.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 2 2013-05-21T12:23:27+00:00

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 1

2013-05-20T12:36:47+00:00

Why It’s Important To Teach

We live in a world where faith has easily become “compartmentalized”. Some parents have come believe that the spiritual growth of their children is up to the church. What’s the problem then?  According to several research organizations, seven out of ten students that grow up in the church will leave church when they go away to college.  Seven out of ten students are saying that they don’t have time for their compartmentalized faith with God.  Moses said in Deuteronomy 6:6 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.

Moses didn’t say talk about God’s word on Sunday, or in your prayer time, or just in youth group.  We’ve been teaching a generation how to “go to church” instead of how to “be the church”.  When you move from a compartmentalized faith to an everyday faith, the church stops being a building and starts becoming the body of Christ.  An everyday faith begins when a parent engages and partners with the church in the spiritual development of their child.  An everyday faith begins when a church partners with a parent understanding that what happens at home is just as important as what happens at church.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 

 

Teaching Your Child to Have an Everyday Faith w/Pastor Terry Scalzitti | Part 1 2013-05-20T12:36:47+00:00

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 5

2013-05-10T20:25:05+00:00

When To Seek Help

There are many times when we can seek outside help to give us insight into a family situation.  Sitting down with a counselor could be an option if you feel a situation with your teen may be getting out of control or simply more then you can handle.  A counselor can help a parent and/or teen in dealing with rebellion. It doesn’t have to go that far, however, to need a little outside perspective. A counselor can help a parent by giving them an objective opinion of the situation.  It may just be that there needs to be a few simple tweaks in the parenting plan.

Residential care is another option for a teen who needs to take some time out of his/her old environment and get back to making better choices and forming better habits.  There are many different options as far as residential care goes.  Feel free to check out Sheridan House’s website for more on our residential program and counseling center at  www.shfm.org  or call our main office line during work hours for help or referrals.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of rebellion.

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 5 2013-05-10T20:25:05+00:00

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 4

2013-05-09T20:17:12+00:00

Teens and Culture

It can be tough to distinguish between a teen stretching their wings and rebellion. We as parents need to strive to be an active part of their lives so we can know and understand where they are coming from in areas like, music, movies, clothes, jewelry, friends, social media, and “teen speak”. It’s very important to know who is influencing your child. Get involved and know who their friends are.
If we can communicate why or why not we are allowing our teens to do certain things it can go along way in helping them make better choices. Remember they may “explore” their choices, if we are not careful we can treat this like rebellion and harm the relationship. We have to be the guide as they are processing through their culture. Take time to communicate with them. When something is a parental preference vs. a moral issue, take the time to hear them out. Even if you don’t go with their choice you have validated that you care about their opinions.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 4 2013-05-09T20:17:12+00:00

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 3

2013-05-08T12:23:21+00:00

Warning Signs of Rebellion

There is a difference between full blown rebellion and, although it may feel the same, simply testing and pushing back against the rules.  We can start to pick up on some warning signs of full blown rebellion. Here are a few signs to watch for but are by no means an all inclusive list. Remember that every teen is an individual and rebellion will look different for every child.

-disrespect to all authority figures, not just parents

-intentionally disregarding an instruction

-name calling

-skipping classes

-sneaking out

-forming bad habits (smoking, drugs, etc.)

If teens are in a pattern of rebellion they may just pick the one thing that they know the parents hate and do it just because they know it hits a nerve.  We have to force ourselves not to react emotionally, even though the teen may be attempting to make it a personal attack.  We must have a consequence plan set up to help us not react emotionally.

Remember how we communicate to our teen goes along way to diffusing or igniting the situation.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 3 2013-05-08T12:23:21+00:00

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 2

2013-05-08T12:06:34+00:00

How To Do A Parent Evaluation

When rebellion starts to creep in the first step is to evaluate our parenting.  Rebellion if left alone, can lead to disaster this makes it important to have a plan so that the teen years don’t catch us off guard.  Those weekly staff meetings with our spouse become imperative if we are in the midst of our teen pushing against the

There are a few things to look at, first are we setting up age appropriate boundaries? For example, is the curfew or bedtime realistic and age appropriate? Secondly, are we as parents on the same page and being consistent with these boundaries?  Are there clear consequences and rewards for their choices?  Are these rules, rewards and consequences clearly communicated?  It is especially helpful if you can involve the teen in the process.  Teens will be a lot more apt to follow rules that they helped set up.  At the very least have a family meeting to discuss the “behavior plan”. Remember that consistency is key. Sometimes a teen will consistently push against a rule to see if you will back down and when you don’t they will usually come under the authority. It just takes some longer then others.  Don’t loose heart it’s never to late to put a plan in place.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 2 2013-05-08T12:06:34+00:00

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 1

2013-05-07T19:22:39+00:00

Why Teens Rebel In The First Place

There can be many reasons why teens rebel but if parents can look at these it can help to detach emotionally from the rebellion.  First, a teen is trying to figure out who they are, they aren’t children but they aren’t adults yet either.  Another reason is they are trying to spread their wings because there is a need for independence.  Also, because of development they suddenly begin to see the world a little more realistically, and even this can cause discontentment.

Another explanation could be that during the teen years, the area of the brain that is the “thinking cap” or judgment center is developing. This could explain why teens sometimes make such rash decisions without a thought of the consequences.

Teens have to deal with the emotions of growing up, peer pressure, trying to fit in and trying to be an individual. So it is normal for teens to push back and be “moody”, just as it is in the toddler phase, but some teens can take it to an extreme level and it can be very hard to deal with.

Check back as we will continue to break down this difficult topic of teens and rebellion.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on rebellion.

Dealing with Rebellion w/Adam & Torrey Roberts | Part 1 2013-05-07T19:22:39+00:00