Monthly Archives: June 2013

Fathers and Daughters | Part 5

2017-09-02T11:54:48+00:00

Pursue Her Heart

Many dads may find it easier to relate to sons because they share the same interests.  As we talked about earlier this week pursuing your daughter through giving her your time is worth the effort.  What happens if a father doesn’t take the time to do this?  He makes his daughter search else where for someone who will pursue her.  This is a scary thing because most times it is a boyfriend as she gets older.  If he doesn’t pursue relationship but only gives her affirmation when she does something well; he is teaching her that performance = worth or acceptance.  This is also a scary lesson for a girl to think that she has to “perform” in order to find worth in her boyfriends eyes.

Take the time to pursue your daughter’s heart it is well worth the investment.

 

For more insight on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Fathers and Daughters | Part 5 2017-09-02T11:54:48+00:00

Fathers and Daughters | Part 4

2017-09-02T11:54:48+00:00

Fathering By Example

A father has a unique opportunity in his daughter’s life to set the precedent for how she is to be treated in other relationships.  He sets her expectations for how she is to be treated in a dating relationship, as a wife and mother and over all as a woman.  He may do this with out even being aware it is happening.

We have constantly reiterated that we have little eyes always watching what we do and how we handle things.  A little girl is always watching the only man in her life to see her worth and value as a girl.   This is influenced by how he treats her mother and other women around them.  By this her father will set the tone for how she thinks women should be treated and if that role is worthy of respect.

Dads, make sure that you always keep in mind that your daughter is seeking to see her value in your eyes and how you love and respect her mother will play a big part in that.

 

For  more insight on this topic listen to today’s podcast

Fathers and Daughters | Part 4 2017-09-02T11:54:48+00:00

Fathers and Daughters | Part 3

2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

I’m Your Dad, He’s Your Father

Dads’ have a major responsibility/privilege that has been given to them, they play an huge role in the initial development of a child’s understanding of their heavenly Father.  In other words a child’s understanding of God will stem from how they view their father.  A daughter’s sense of unconditional love and security will greatly be influenced by her dad.  If her dad’s love and acceptance is not related to performance she will have an easier time accepting God’s love and grace.  If she always feels her dad’s protection and has a sense of security with him no matter the circumstances, then she will be able to hold on to the promise, “Fear not, I will never leave you or forsake you.”  If she knows that her dad will do anything in his power to provide for her and her family then she will be able to trust in the provision of God.  The list goes on and on.  What a huge responsibility but privilege that God would allow earthly dads to shape their children’s image of Him

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Fathers and Daughters | Part 3 2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

Fathers and Daughters | Part 2

2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

 Giving Her Time Helps Her Feel Valuable

I have had a very unique opportunity to have observed both the boys and girls in our Sheridan House residential program.  I worked in the girl’s home for ten years as a behavioral specialist and got the privilege to houseparent with my husband in the boys homes for two of those years.  It is so interesting to watch how different genders of the same age spend their free time.  Boys will have free time and either want to play video games, play basketball, or another sport outside.  It all boiled down to some form of competitive fun.  The girls however would either end up in my office sitting on the floor just to talk or paint their nails.  There was even a phase where they could be found sitting on the living room couch knitting! It was never so much about the activity as it was about the time spent with others or relational fun.

It is very important for a father to monopolize on this fact with his daughter.  If he is willing to use it a dad has a secret weapon in getting to know his daughter; he knows what makes her tick, quality time.  Make sure you are giving your daughter that special one on one time where you can hear her heart.  These special times are not a time for lectures but for simply getting to know your daughter.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more specifics on how to spend quality time with you daughter.

Fathers and Daughters | Part 2 2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

Fathers and Daughters | Part 1

2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

Gender Differences

Some may wonder why it is important to discuss the relationship between fathers and daughters.  Is it “politically incorrect” to admit that there are actually gender differences that may cause us to have to address different issues as parents? Even if that is the case, it is true.  There are several places that we can look to in scripture to see where gender differences are celebrated.  When God talks about the roles in marriage, He gives each gender a different role.  It can even be scientifically proven that men and women think and react differently. One is not better then the other by any means.  Male and female minds and emotions were created to compliment each other and work together.

That being said it is important to keep this in mind as we raise our children.  Sons and daughters will be driven by different things, react emotionally to different things and have different needs.  That is why there is no such thing as cookie cutter parenting.  The role of a father is vitally important in every child’s life but he may instill different things to each gender.  Check back this week as we look deeper at this topic of fathers and daughters.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 

Fathers and Daughters | Part 1 2017-09-02T11:54:49+00:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 5

2013-06-20T22:32:26+00:00

Mom as the Role-Model For Being Godly

The Bible tells us in Romans to “not be conformed to the pattern of this world…” But what does that mean? Especially for girls today who are inundated with the culture around them, they need to see what it means to be Godly.  There are several ways that a mom can “not conform”.  First is the current “idol” of materialism and money.  Where is our focus as moms, is it keeping up with those around us or is it “learning to be content” as Paul teaches?

Moms for the most part exemplify sacrifice.  We are the ones who constantly must put ourselves on the back burner for the needs of our children.  It is our attitude about it however that sets us apart.  Are we grumbling or acting the martyr or are we considering everything “pure joy”, even the sleepless nights or behavior battles?

Again there are so many more ways to communicate and exemplify for your daughter what it means to be a Godly woman. Take the time to look up Proverbs 31 to see what the wisest man in the world considered to be Godly, as well as Galatians 5:22-25 for what Godly attributes we should have.

 

And as always listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 5 2013-06-20T22:32:26+00:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 4

2013-06-20T22:30:52+00:00

Mom As The Role-Model For Wife

We have said countless times that children learn most often by observation.  One of the awesome privileges that mom has is to role-model for her daughter what it means to be a godly wife. There are many ways she can do this.  First the Bible calls the wife to respect her husband.  One of the ways we do this is by our words.  What do our children hear us say about our spouse? How do we respond to our spouse in front of our children? This is one of the ways we can role-model respect making sure that the things we say edify and build him up.

Secondly, we can role-model healthy communication.  Even though we may not always agree we are able to work things out.  Our children should be able to observe our healthy interactions day to day.

There are so many more ways that a mom can role- model what it means to be a godly wife.  Listen to today’s podcast for more.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 4 2013-06-20T22:30:52+00:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 3

2013-06-20T22:29:30+00:00

Mom Shouldn’t Relive Childhood/Teen Years Through Daughter

Many times in the residential program I observed moms who didn’t set up boundaries between themselves and their children, their daughters in particular.  In other words there was no adult/child line.  You couldn’t tell by behavior and dress who was the adult and who was the child.  This obviously created major problems.

There may be many motivations behind this kind of relationship.  The first is that mom maybe trying to relive her youth through her daughter, by the way she dresses and acts.  The second reason may be that mom wants her daughter to be her friend so she hasn’t set up boundaries.  It is hard to treat a daughter as a friend and then all of a sudden turn the tables on her and try to be her authority figure when she has disobeyed.  This is very confusing for a child/teen and can cause rebellion.  The other thing that can happen with this friend type relationship is the mom can treat her child as a confidant.  This again is not a healthy relationship because a child should not have to carry their parent’s secrets or burdens.  A mother needs to work hard to set up the parent/child boundaries so that later she can enjoy her adult daughter’s friendship.

 

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 3 2013-06-20T22:29:30+00:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 2

2013-06-20T22:27:57+00:00

Mom As The Gender Role-Model

The number one role-model for how a girl feels about her gender is mom.   If mom is not taking the time to role-model what it means to be a woman them her daughter will attempt to find these answers in the culture around her.  This can be very confusing.  There are so many extreme definitions of what it means to be a woman everything from using your body to get attention to ignoring your femininity all together.

Mom must help her daughter find the balance of all that culture is throwing her way. She must help her daughter to understand that true beauty is found on the inside. Mom herself also needs to role-model self respect and modesty so her daughter can observe it. Moms have the awesome privilege of helping their daughters embrace and celebrate their gender. Take the time to enjoy it!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 2 2013-06-20T22:27:57+00:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 1

2013-06-20T22:26:30+00:00

The Unique Dynamic in the Relationship

So many moms dream of the day where they will have a baby girl,  and for many the dreams don’t stop there.  They think that their daughter will be their buddy to do things with as they grow. And while sometimes this is true, why is it that for so many this is such a rocky relationship, especially in the teen years?

Mothers and daughters have a unique relationship and when it is working its awesome, but when it is not it can be explosive as I have observed many times with our residential girls and their moms.

Many times it is simply a communication issue.  Girls and Moms don’t know how to talk to each other.  Again, I have observed many times girls and moms talking AT each other and not TO.  Mothers need to train their daughter how to communicate. Click here for our two week long series on this topic.  It starts with listening.  Moms need to start taking the time to listen to their daughters. Often tines mom, if she will take the time, is the only one who is able to see through her daughters emoting to what the true issue is.  Check back this week as we look more deeply into the topic of mothers and daughters.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 1 2013-06-20T22:26:30+00:00