Monthly Archives: January 2014

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 5

2014-01-29T13:52:57+00:00

The Benefits of Delayed Gratification

The lesson of delayed gratification causes us to be big picture thinkers.  The true great leaders have all had a big picture focus.  Abraham Lincoln was an amazing example of this.  He grew up in the wilderness, lost his mother at an early age and claimed “he knew how to read, write and cipher but not much more coming of age.”  He lost the senate race but somehow got the Republican ticket for the presidency.  Immediately upon winning several of the southern states seceded.  He received push back from all sides through a horrific war that ravaged our nation.  But through it all he never lost focus, our nation came out on the other side, and slavery was defeated.  He is considered one of the greatest presidents the United States has had.

If we want to raise leaders we have to raise big picture thinkers, to do this we must raise children who have learned delayed gratification.  It affects so many areas of life and can make the difference in failure and success.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 5 2014-01-29T13:52:57+00:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 4

2014-01-29T13:26:48+00:00

Setting The Example

To the responsible adult delayed gratification may be something that is not processed, but lived out even in small decisions. We don’t eat certain things, buy certain things, or do certain things for the purpose of bettering our future.  Process through some of your decisions, that set the example in delayed gratification, with your children especially as they get older.  Look for opportunities to include them in the process, explain why you choose not to eat out as much for example, or buy a new car as often. You can even include them in long-term projects so they can enjoy the reward of “plugging away” at something until the job is done.  This lesson can even give children the strength to cope with difficult situations in adulthood, for instance a hard season in a future marriage.  The reward is great when you have learned to slowly work on something to fix a problem, rather then simply throwing away and looking for something new.  Learning the lesson of delayed gratification may mean the difference between failure and success for your child.  Look for ways to set the example in your own life.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 4 2014-01-29T13:26:48+00:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 3

2014-01-27T14:11:56+00:00

Teaching Disciplines They’ll Need As Adults

There are several disciplines that our children will need to know for adulthood and these are all disciplines that involve delayed gratification.  The first is teaching chores. Having a child do chores helps to teach that they are a member of a family unit.  This may mean putting aside what they want to do for a while in order to contribute to the family. Click here for more from the weeklong series on chores. Second is education. Learning how to study is definitely a discipline in delayed gratification. This is imperative for a college student who must learn how to balance the social scene, sometimes a job, and their studies. This leads us to the third discipline, which is time management.  Maturity is learning to balance time well, sometimes choosing to do what I need to do over what I want to do.  Click here for our week long series on time management.  Teaching sexual purity isn’t a discipline that ends with marriage.  In order to stay faithful to a spouse our teens must be trained to handle the delayed gratification of sexual purity.  Click here for more on teaching purity to your children. Finally teaching your child how to handle their finances is a very important lesson in delayed gratification.  Teaching a child how to pass up spending on small items in order to save for a future big item is a great and valuable lesson.  Click here for more on teaching finances.  There are many areas that are critical for success as an adult, take the time to make sure your child is prepared by teaching delayed gratification.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 3 2014-01-27T14:11:56+00:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 2

2014-01-27T13:41:46+00:00

Where To Begin Teaching This

Once the decision has been made that this is an important area to add to the training process, where do we go next? One thing that needs to be looked at is where the child is at developmentally.  For young children this is an especially hard area because of their immaturity and short attention span.  So we must adjust our expectation to realistically train where they are.  For example, it is unrealistic to expect a toddler to sit and build an entire city with blocks. Anyone who has had a toddler knows that the favorite game with blocks is to knock them over.  So a very easy beginning lesson in delayed gratification is having them help build the tower, teaching them to wait until the end to knock it over.  Teaching delayed gratification using play is a great place to start.  We can utilize things like puzzles and games to teach this.  As the child ages we can slowly raise the expectation level, simple things like teaching a child not to interrupt others is a lesson in delayed gratification.  Take the time to look around for age appropriate lessons in delayed gratification. This can simply be utilizing things you do with your child already, just more intentionally.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 2 2014-01-27T13:41:46+00:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 1

2014-01-27T13:20:48+00:00

Why Is This Important?

The “instant pleasures” of life can have the potential to rob us of the “greater treasures” of life.  Learning delayed gratification helps a person invest now for their future.  It also helps teach how to make better decisions about the here and now, that I will be grateful for later on.  Learning the self-discipline of delayed gratification impacts, a teens ability to stay sexually pure until marriage, learning how to save money for the future, teaches a student to study now to reap the benefits later, and to plan ahead rather than live for the moment.

This is difficult because it doesn’t come naturally to us.  There is nothing in the current culture around us that teaches this discipline. We are a culture of instant gratification.  We don’t want to wait and feel that we shouldn’t have to wait.  Cultures past had consistent lessons in delayed gratification because they had to wait for everything from the growing of the crops for food, to the sun rising for light to begin their day.  Today’s parent has to be intentional to look for lessons in delayed gratification in order to teach this discipline to their children.  Check back the rest of this week as we look at how to teach this.

 

As always listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 1 2014-01-27T13:20:48+00:00

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 5

2014-01-15T13:42:57+00:00

The Importance of Family

Family is not a substitute for learning to deal with peers. Strong family relationships provide the platform of strength from which to feel confident when responding to negative peer influences.  Preparing a child for the battle of peer pressure takes training and practice.  Here we can apply the “four E’s of the training process.” (Click here for the series that describes them in more detail.)

The first “E” is example, as a parent do I set my own example of not conforming to the culture around me?  Process some decisions out loud with your children so they can learn from how you make them.

The second  “E” is expose, give your children opportunities to practice making decisions about peer pressure.  For example, clothes or shoes are areas where we can allow our children to practice. If appropriate and modest then allow your child to help in the decision making process.  Set a budget for shoes, for example and if the pair your child wants is more expensive then they can purchase the overage with their own money.

Thirdly, is experience.  Peer pressure will cost either morally or financially.  When you can, let them feel the crunch of the financial pain of caving into to peer pressure.

Lastly, we must encourage.  We must be their biggest fan and go crazy with praise when they learn to rise above culture and focus on what is truly important.  Encouraging positive choices is key to the training process!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 5 2014-01-15T13:42:57+00:00

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 4

2014-01-13T16:16:11+00:00

The Importance of Affirmation

We all look for affirmation from some one or some group.  God gave us the family as a support system and a healthy place to receive affirmation that we are “worth it.” A problem arises when a child doesn’t receive the affirmation they need from home.  There are many reasons this can happen. The family becomes so busy that it doesn’t have the time for affirmation. Some parents don’t see the need for affirmation.  Other parents fall into the trap of only affirming performance.  For example, good grades, sports or good behavior.  Click here for more on performance oriented parenting.

When a person doesn’t feel affirmed for who they are, not what they do, at home they will look elsewhere for that affirmation that they are valuable.  What use to be inner city gangs have now become more wide spread, why? The answer is needy kids.  Today’s child is lonelier then ever.   They live in a busier family then ever before, they are thrown into a peer environment more then ever and they have been introduced to the cyber world.  This child has been set up to crave the affirmation of their peers/culture more then their parents.  Affirmation is vital to all members of the family unit.  Make sure you are being intentional about affirmation.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 4 2014-01-13T16:16:11+00:00

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 3

2014-01-13T15:44:50+00:00

Helping Your Child Deal With Peer Pressure

In order to help our children we must first ask the question what is peer pressure? The phrase peer pressure is a reference to when the people around us (in this case around our children) influence us to act in a certain way that we might not act if it weren’t for them. As parents it is tempting to want to give up sometimes when it comes to competing with peers as the primary influencers of our children.  This whole concept of peer pressure is predicated upon the thought that peers automatically have a greater influence than anyone else. There are many forces of influence that impact the behavior or thinking of our children.  The first is self.  A thought process may go something like, “I won’t do that because, I don’t want to, it’s wrong, or I fear the consequences.” The opposing thought process being “as wrong as I know that is to do, I want to do it.” This would show no impulse control or desire for impulse control. (Click here for more teaching your child impulse control.)  The second is family; “I won’t do that because of the impact it will have upon my family.” With the opposing thought process to this being, “ my family doesn’t care, won’t know, or is so busy and removed that this behavior will get their attention.” Another is God, with the thinking “God has a better plan for me and I don’t want to step out of God’s will for my life.” The final influence would be peers or culture around our child.  Either the thinking will be “The culture around me says this is right so it must be,” or “I know because of what I have been taught the culture around me is wrong.”

We can see that there are many influences on our children we must be conscious to instill values in our children so they know right from wrong and can navigate the pressures around them.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more.

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 3 2014-01-13T15:44:50+00:00

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 2

2014-01-12T20:34:45+00:00

When Parents Loose Their Influence

We mentioned yesterday that many teens report that parents are still a major influence in their lives but are there things that can happen to cause parents to loose influence in their children’s lives?  The answer is sadly yes, there are a few ways this can happen.  First, when the relationship is not a priority it is hard for a parent to have a high level of respect and influence in their child’s life.  Relationship takes time. One of the ways we can give our child one on one time is “dating” our children.  Taking time out to spend with them individually to give them a chance to open up and talk.  Children are very intuitive when the relationship isn’t a priority they can sense it and it causes them to feel devalued to their parents.  Another way that we loose influence may seem counter-intuitive, it happens when we don’t have a plan for discipline.  Children thrive in structure and they function best when they know what to expect.  When we don’t have boundaries set up and clearly communicated consequences and rewards in place the relationship can suffer.  It is easy for the parent to become the consequence in this scenario because they may have to fall back on yelling or using the relationship as a consequence. Click here and here for more on both these topics.

It is easy to see that when the parent/child relationship suffers we loose influence in our children’s lives.  Listen to today’s podcast for more on this.

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 2 2014-01-12T20:34:45+00:00

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 1

2014-01-12T20:26:37+00:00

Who Is The Primary Influence in Your Child’s Life?

Part of parenting is learning to let go and training your child to handle independence well.  With this journey, as our children gain more and more independence, there are other things that can begin to have influence on them.  We need to first be aware of who or what these influences are and then look at how they are influencing our child.  Are they positive or negative?  Who is showing them what “normal” is?

Where do these “influencers” come from?  There are many options such as home, school, church, sports and activities, extended family and the internet.  Thankfully most teens still report that their parents have the most influence on their lives.  We need to instill in our children the importance of playing for one Audience, their Creator.

“Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. “  NIV

Check back this week as we look at what we can do as parents to help our child know how to filter through peer pressure and listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 

Peers Vs. Parents | Part 1 2014-01-12T20:26:37+00:00