Monthly Archives: February 2016

Trust in Your Marriage | Part 1

2016-02-29T21:00:06+00:00

Why This is Important

Trust is one of, if not the most, foundational principles for any relationship. For example, in a friendship if a friend has proven trustworthy, you would feel comfortable sharing a secret.  The more trustworthy the friend the more comfortable I feel sharing deeper things. If the friend proved untrustworthy and shared the secret, we wouldn’t share further.

We use this constantly in parenting.  It is important for a child to be trustworthy, this affects many areas for the parent/child.  If this is the case a parent can trust their word, but it allows for a parent to expand their boundaries.  But in a marriage relationship it can be a make it or break it issue. Trust is the foundation of the home.  It is foundational for intimacy.  If we feel we can trust our spouse, we feel they can be trusted with our deepest sense of self.  Check back the rest of this week as we unpack this important topic.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Trust in Your Marriage | Part 1 2016-02-29T21:00:06+00:00

Trust in Your Marriage | Part 1

2016-02-29T20:24:51+00:00

Why This is Important

Trust is one of, if not the most, foundational principles for any relationship. For example, in a friendship if a friend has proven trustworthy, you would feel comfortable sharing a secret.  The more trustworthy the friend the more comfortable I feel sharing deeper things. If the friend proved untrustworthy and shared the secret, we wouldn’t share further.

We use this constantly in parenting.  It is important for a child to be trustworthy, this affects many areas for the parent/child.  If this is the case a parent can trust their word, but it allows for a parent to expand their boundaries.  But in a marriage relationship it can be a make it or break it issue. Trust is the foundation of the home.  It is foundational for intimacy.  If we feel we can trust our spouse, we feel they can be trusted with our deepest sense of self.  Check back the rest of this week as we unpack this important topic.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Trust in Your Marriage | Part 1 2016-02-29T20:24:51+00:00

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 5

2016-02-26T21:00:12+00:00

The Fourth Leg: Intimacy

“Genesis 2:25  And the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed.”

​This is not just physical intimacy ​but emotional intimacy. It is the freedom to be vulnerable. This means to be fully able to trust another person; to feel safe sharing your true self and accept each other without masks.

​But real intimacy can’t happen until the other three have been taken care of, first Severance, Commitment, Unity and then Intimacy.  ​Intimacy is the benefit of working on the first three. Remember, marriage takes work, and it all boils down to ​choosing to be married even in the difficult moments.  Decide to pursue this formula, sometimes circumstances force us to pull back and revisit the formula. Either way, make your marriage a priority, one you children will want to emulate!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 5 2016-02-26T21:00:12+00:00

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 4

2016-02-25T21:00:19+00:00

The Third Leg: Unity

Genesis 2:24 “…and they shall become one flesh.”
This week we have broken down Genesis 2:24-25 to reveal God’s plan for a solid marriage foundation. One that we can live out in front of and use to train our children. The word “become” in today’s verse would suggest a process. Becoming one flesh is not something that happens immediately in a marriage. Unity is something that happens over time if focused on and worked at. ​It’s taking two distinct identities ​blending them together into one purpose and goal. In Hebrew, the word that is used is for one here refers to a compound unity; two becoming one without losing their own identity. Two other places the word is used are, Deuteronomy 6:4, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.” And ​Genesis 1:5, “​God called the light “day,” and the darkness He called “night.” And ​​there was evening, and there was morning, the first day.” The trinity and the joining of day and night to form a single day.
Two ingredients to becoming one flesh are sacrifice and a desire to do it for God. Sacrifice by laying down your needs, wants and desires in order to put your spouse before yourself. By placing God at the center of your relationship you automatically grow closer together. Think of a triangle. If both spouses are growing closer towards God at the top, or focal point of the triangle, then they are automatically growing closer to each other.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic of unity.

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 4 2016-02-25T21:00:19+00:00

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 3

2016-02-24T21:00:49+00:00

The Second Leg: Commitment

Genesis 2:24 “… and shall cleave to his wife…”  Commitment is not something you do because you feel like it, commitment is something you choose to do.  Commitment to your marriage will not be tested in the easy days but the hard. Check out our week long series on commitment by clicking here.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on teaching marriage to your children.

 

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 3 2016-02-24T21:00:49+00:00

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 2

2016-02-23T21:00:32+00:00

The First Leg: Severance

We discussed yesterday how God gave us a map to follow for His foundation for marriage. It can be found in Genesis 2:24-25. These verses lay out four principles for us. These four principles, like chair legs, are what we can build a strong marriage on. The first part of verse 24 states, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother…” ​Psalm 45:10 states it another way “Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father’s house.” The first principle is severance. We don’t need to take this literally but we need to think through the things from our upbringing that we may need to cut away or not bring into our marriage. Are there any bad habits that we observed? Are there “gender roles” that worked for our parents but may not work for our relationship? We must take the time to sift through our attitudes and expectations that we bring into marriage from our past. Which are helpful and which are harmful? Things like family traditions can be helpful and enrich our new family but that is the reason they are there. If traditions are bringing strife it’s time to take a step back and evaluate.
Take time to process this idea of severance and be sure to focus on yourself, not your spouse, for the areas you may need to sever from your past.

Listen to today’s podcast and be sure to check back as we discuss the other three principles to building a marriage your children will want to emulate.

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 2 2016-02-23T21:00:32+00:00

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 1

2016-02-22T21:00:14+00:00

A Rock Solid Marriage Must Be Built On The Right Foundation

It is imperative that we teach the next generation what marriage should look like. Because the very foundation of society is marriage, it would seem that the world is set out to destroy it. Even the church has staggering divorce rates. What can we do to help our marriage be one that not only lasts the test of time but is one that makes our children witness it and say “I want that!” It must be built on the right foundation. Everyone knows that a beautiful house when built on a faulty foundation is only a facade that will eventually have major problems.
The world’s perspective about marriage is that “the other person is there to meet my needs” which makes it easy in this throw away society to move on if they don’t meet those needs. Sadly, in reality no one can meet my needs.
God’s prescription for marriage can be found in Genesis 2:24-25, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh, ​and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
Check back the rest of this week as we explore these verses and how they apply to today’s marriage.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Teaching Marriage to Your Children | Part 1 2016-02-22T21:00:14+00:00

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 5

2016-02-19T21:00:46+00:00

My Spouse Is Hard To Talk To

Communication is one of those areas in marriage where, even if there are seasons of difficulty, we must choose never to give up. We must make the choice that we are ultimately not doing this for our spouse or our self, but for God. During the difficult seasons we need to choose to give each other grace. Maybe our spouse is going through a difficult time at work or just feeling discouraged. We need to take that into consideration in our communication times and not allow ourselves to take it personally. Because we are working on our marriage ultimately for God’s glory we need to grace our spouse and keep pursuing them.

There are several types of communication “dodgers”. The first can be equated with a porcupine. If a difficult issue is brought up they become all quills and derail the conversation with spines. This is where we need to not allow ourselves to take it personally and either push on gently or continue the conversation at another time.

The second type of conversation dodger is the shellfish. They become a clam when an issue is brought up. These people can be married to a talker who can then overtake the conversation. Usually the people who are shellfish are afraid to open up. If the shellfish is your spouse, you need to slowly bring them out or warm them up by asking questions they will answer and then bring up the topic. After that just sit and wait. Choose not to overtake the conversation but wait to hear their opinion.

The last type of dodger is the prairie dog. These are people who hear topic and through out a red herring to get you off topic. They change a topic so they don’t have to deal with the issue at hand. With this type of person, just don’t allow yourself to be derailed and continue to gently steer them back on course.

More information on the topic of communication can be found in the book “We Need To Talk.”

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Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 5 2016-02-19T21:00:46+00:00

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 4

2016-02-18T21:00:28+00:00

How To Start Great Communication

Great communication starts with planning, purpose and time. Because of the busyness of our schedules we cannot just wait for great communication to happen. We have to prepare for it. As unromantic as it sounds we have to put in on our calendar. Especially for parents, we are balancing lots of schedules and it is easy for marital communication time to get pushed to the back burner. This is very detrimental for both parenting and marriage.

So a time has been set, what next? Making sure your communication time has purpose. This can seem like it would be uncomfortable, setting aside time just to talk. Because the purpose is communication there can’t be distractions such as TV or phones or even children begging for your attention. This is very hard for young parents so maybe even putting your toddlers in a stroller and going for a walk would work if a date night is not feasible every week.

Finally we must allow ourselves enough time to communicate. It cannot be a five or ten minute burst when you get home from work. It must be a chunk of time set aside, so that you can practice through all five levels of communication.

Most importantly make it fun. Take the time to dream together and allow these times to deepen your friendship.

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For more insight on the topic of communication listen to today’s podcast.

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 4 2016-02-18T21:00:28+00:00

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 3

2016-02-17T21:00:29+00:00

The Levels of Communication

There are actually five levels of communication that we use when speaking to others.  The first level of communication is called “cliché conversation”.  This is very surface communication, verbally touching base with someone.  The basic questions like “hi, how are you” and the answers to those questions.

The second and third levels of communication seem to be where we spend most of our time.  The second level is journalistic communication.  This is reporting things or giving facts/information.  Such as my day at work went great, this happened today, ect. The third level is called editorial communication this is giving your opinion on what’s going on.  For example not only talking about the game last night but how you felt the players could have done things differently or sharing your opinion about things that are going on at the office.

The final two levels are vitally important for marriage but many of us are afraid to go there.  Either we are afraid of being hurt, rejected or we simply haven’t observed how to communicate at these levels.  The fourth level is the “risk feelings level” This is when you cautiously test the waters to see if it is a safe place, or even just a safe time, to share feelings.  This is the level where vulnerability begins.   By sharing how you feel or how something effects you then you are beginning to share yourself with someone else.

The final level is called emotional nakedness.  This is the goal for every marriage.  This is where we feel completely safe completely opening up to another person.  It is allowing each other to completely share who we are as people with no fear.  Because of this level of vulnerability we cannot stay in level five communication all the time or we would be exhausted.  For most relationships it takes building through each level even in one sitting to get to this point of vulnerability and ultimately years to practice!

For more insight on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Communication in Your Marriage | Part 3 2016-02-17T21:00:29+00:00