Monthly Archives: April 2017

Blending Families | Part 5

2017-04-03T13:36:19+00:00

Facing the Challenges of Blending Families

In any difficult circumstance one thing that needs to be avoided is a victim mentality.  It is so easy to get sucked into the poor me attitude and begin to be depressed.  First it needs to be said, that we in no way mean to down play the pain that comes with some of the circumstances in a blending family.   However, it is easy to get stuck in the trap of this attitude and not be able to move forward.

One thing to consider through difficult circumstances is that your Father knows about it.  It’s a comfort to know that He not only knows our circumstances but also has felt the same pain. When there is a rough day choose to focus on Him.

Philippians 4:6-8 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

A practical way to avoid the victim mentality is to adjust your expectations.  There is no such thing as a perfect family; every family has its mess.  If we adjust our expectations it helps us to not be disappointed by circumstances.  The reality is, that there may be tension with the “Ex.” We also need to remember that children are children and they do not handle things the way adults should.  So many times we place unrealistic expectations on our children and are hurt when they don’t come to fruition.  It is especially important to give children of blending families room for adjustment and even allow them to grieve.  We cannot take the behavior personally.

On difficult days remind yourself, “My Father knows about this!”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on blending families.

Blending Families | Part 5 2017-04-03T13:36:19+00:00

Blending Families | Part 4

2017-04-03T13:41:00+00:00

The “Ex”

One of the most difficult things for a blending family to deal with is the “Ex”.  When parents are trying to maintain consistency it can be very frustrating for children to live in two different places.  Even in the best of circumstances house rules will probably not be the same or consequences handled the same way.  When the other home does not share your beliefs or values it can become even more difficult.  One thing we must keep in mind is our priority must be our children, not winning a battle against our “Ex”.  It is very damaging for us to bad mouth the other parent because it places our children in the middle.  We must be very careful to guard our words when our children tell us what went on during their time away.

Our focus must be to maintain consistency in our home.  We cannot control what will go on in the other home but that doesn’t mean we just throw in the towel.  We must choose to place our focus and attention to what goes on in our home.  When we allow ourselves to constantly get irritated and upset at circumstances then we are not able to give our children our full attention.  We must choose to be prayer warriors when our children are in the other home.

Consistently give your children to God.  Remember that He loves and cares for them even more then you do!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on blending families.

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Blending Families | Part 4 2017-04-03T13:41:00+00:00

Blending Families | Part 3

2017-04-03T09:55:32+00:00

Helping the Blending Family

Choosing to do family well is a high calling and our main ministry.  For those who have been called into a blending family have an amazing ministry opportunity.  Many may be reading and listening this week, wondering what they can do to support those who are in a blending family.

The first type of family who is in need of lots of love and support is the single parent home.  There are many things we can do to show support.  We can take the kids out for and evening so mom or dad can have a few minutes to himself or herself just to breathe.  We can take a meal over so there is one less thing to think about.  Especially this time of year we can invite them to be a part of our families festivities. Holidays can be an especially hard time for a single parent family.

Most importantly we can support by spending time in prayer.  Both blending and single parent families can use our prayer support and encouragement.  For the parent of the blending family you can be a listening ear if they need to talk.  For any parent there are days of discouragement.  We need to be there for other parents, praying and encouraging one another through the hard days.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on helping the blending family.

Blending Families | Part 3 2017-04-03T09:55:32+00:00

Blending Families | Part 2

2017-04-03T09:52:25+00:00

What’s Your Priority?

If the success of a blending family, or any family for that matter, rides on the marriage we have to consistently check our priorities.  Our priorities need to be God first, spouse second and children third.  We also need to evaluate how we are living these priorities out.

One thing we can do is to communicate that our marriage is a priority to our children.  A way to do this is present a united team.  Because of the nature of blending two families together both parents will probably have different ways of doing things.  It is essential to set aside time for parental staff meetings where there is a safe place for disagreements.  Because it is so imperative for children of blending families to see the two parents working as a team, these staff meetings may need to take place daily.

Another way to communicate that the marriage is a priority to the children is verbally.  Children often will act out as a result of their pain. This is called signal behavior.   In a blending family often that pain is taken out on the stepparent.  It is important for children to see their mother or father back the stepparent.  This communicates the importance of the marriage relationship.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on Blending Families.

Blending Families | Part 2 2017-04-03T09:52:25+00:00

Blending Families | Part 1

2017-04-03T09:41:26+00:00

Choosing To Trust Your Spouse

As we begin to head into the Christmas season with all the family dynamics that come along with the holiday, we are going to spend this week talking about blending families.  By blending families we mean a birth parent and that parent’s spouse or a stepparent.   We choose to use the phrase blending family because blending a family together is an action.  It is something that takes consistent effort and communication.  It is not simply a state of being.

There is something that can dramatically affect the success of the blending family and that is the marriage relationship.  The husband and wife of a blending family are not only trying to meld two people together into one unit they are having to work to blend two unique families into one unit.  This means that extra time, care and communication will have to be put into that marriage relationship.   It has to be a relationship that is based on trust because not only are you entrusting your well being to this other person but you are now placing your children’s well being in their hands as well.  Make sure that there is ample time set aside for communication about parenting issues to make certain that you are on the same page.  Making sure that you are out in front of the parenting decisions and are united as a team on these decision will help to breed an atmosphere of trust.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on Blending Families.

 

Blending Families | Part 1 2017-04-03T09:41:26+00:00