“Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy,” a mom said sitting across from me. “I don’t mean to yell at my children … I even tell myself I’m not going to yell… and then before I know it we are running late for school and I’m yelling.”
Could it be that the American mom has developed unrealistic expectations? She expects to pack more into her day than possible to complete, and she expects her children to be more cooperative. The biggest problem she deals with is the fact that her children are indeed children. They don’t yet know how important it is to stay on schedule.
When you have too much going on or your “no” doesn’t really mean “no” and a warning alarm will go off in your household. The alarm is often you. Listen to it and then take steps to disarm it. Are you packing too much into your day? Or is it that you say “No” or “Let’s get going” three times and nothing seems to happen, so you lose control of your volume?
Listen to what the loud alarm of your voice is telling you. Are you expecting too much? Choose to remove something from your schedule!
Has your “No” come to be seen as a suggestion until the really loud “No” comes out. Make your first “No” the final “No”. Have a consequence prepared; but make the consequence a realistic one. Remember they are not as motivated to keep to a schedule as you are. Keep in mind yelling has never motivated any child!
Yelling is a poor warning to the kids trying to say, “This time I really mean it.” Yelling is actually a significant warning to mom telling her, “Time to re-evaluate what I’m doing.
I would not work in an environment like this, why should my kids live in one?”
Tomorrow: Avoid creating angry children.