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So far Parenting On Purpose has created 703 blog entries.

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 5

2020-03-11T09:29:25-04:00

Learning About Your Spouse and Physical Intimacy

Make sure to take the time to learn your spouse.  Are they the kind of person who likes surprises or do they need time in advance to adjust to ideas?  When planning activities to help get out of a rut learning this may be key, to not only actually getting out and doing them but making sure that both spouses enjoy the process.  This is even something that you can sit and do together.  Together you can process through a list of things that would be fun to do as a family or on date night.  If both spouse are involved in this process then both can be excited and looking forward to these activities.  Then make sure to put the list on the family calendar.

You can never be married to long to bring romance back into the marriage relationship.  Sexual intimacy is something that you only share with your spouse.  It is special and sacred that is why it is also something that should not be ignored.  For more on this topic click here to hear the series on romance in marriage.

 

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 52020-03-11T09:29:25-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 4

2020-03-11T09:27:54-04:00

Never Settle For Less

There are things we can do to make the marriage exciting.  We need to find ways to get out of the routine.  There does need to be some one on one time set aside with your spouse.  Make sure to make time for date nights, but you can even set aside the time after the children go to bed for something fun for just the two of you.  If you have older children that have a later bedtime, there can be a set time that they spend in their room before “lights out” in order for there to be time for your relationship.

There are many ways to incorporate fun back into the marriage.  One of the ways to help a marriage not get mundane, is focusing on the friendship aspect of the relationship.   Click here to see the week long series on how to become your spouses best friend.

 

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 42020-03-11T09:27:54-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 3

2020-03-11T09:26:53-04:00

Never Quit Trying

It’s interesting how we think of having an infant or small children as an exciting time/phase of life.  It is draining, but we will still label it as exciting or never a dull moment.  If we stop to think about it a baby can’t give anything back yet we are continually meeting their needs.  Sure we may have moments of feeling overwhelmed with the magnitude of the task of caring for them but we still do it with out the expectation of anything from them.  Why?…Because we love them.

How is this any different from our spouse?  We should be continually working on and putting into the relationship, because we love them.  Our society has trained us to look for quick fixes, but the marriage relationship is not a quick fix. It is a life long relationship.  We need to make sure that we are doing our part.  There will most assuredly be times where our spouse because of stress, other things going on in their life or even lack of knowing how, can’t give in the way we can.  Instead of getting frustrated with our spouse, make the choice to be the one who goes above and beyond for the sake of the relationship.  Remember the model for Love that was given to us, is the one who gave His life for us.

 

 

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 32020-03-11T09:26:53-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 2

2020-03-11T09:25:55-04:00

Choose To Prioritize Your Marriage

We need to be prepared to build a team or “become one flesh”.   There are things that can hinder this process that we need to work through.  The first is expectations. Often our expectations of how marriage will be, often unrealistic and influenced by Hollywood, can taint our attitude about real life marriage.  Check out our week long series on expectations by clicking here.  Very likely, because we are different genders and different personalities we will need to learn how our spouse communicates in order to do it effectively.  Click here for more on this topic.  Another reason that marriage can become boring is because we don’t take the time to make it a priority.  Click here for more on this.  Finally many don’t know how to “work on the relationship”.  We need to give of ourselves rather then just waiting for things to get better.  Make sure to continue making your marriage a priority!

 

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 22020-03-11T09:25:55-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 1

2020-03-11T09:24:41-04:00

The Relationship Takes Work

We try to talk about the topic of marriage here on Parenting on Purpose, once a month.  Here are some of the reasons we feel that it is so important to discuss. First, if you are married, the parenting won’t work to its potential if the marriage isn’t working.  Second, your marriage is training your children how to do their marriage in the future.  Your marriage gives your children a secure environment or an insecure environment.  Your marriage is a team of two people with different complimenting gifts which, when working together, can divide up the training tasks and bless the children.  Lastly, your marriage is the team that builds the child or hinders their potential.  It is the foundation the children can grow up on.

One thing that may shock us as we get married is that marriage is work.  It takes work to make two separate lives, personalities, backgrounds and families into one life.  It is continued work.  If we don’t continue to give to our marriage relationship it can become stagnant.   Everything that is alive grows.  We must put the work into our marriage to maintain growth.  Check back with us all week as we discuss how to put into your marriage relationship to keep it alive, healthy and fun.

 

 

 

 

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 12020-03-11T09:24:41-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

2019-10-10T10:27:20-04:00

When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 52019-10-10T10:27:20-04:00

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1

2019-10-10T10:11:35-04:00

What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 12019-10-10T10:11:35-04:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 5

2019-10-31T11:15:54-04:00

Get Organized- Part 2

Here is a list of reminders for parents on how to consistently communicate positively to your child. It will also help you to maintain the balance of structure and relationship.

1. Listen to your child- make sure you are taking the time to listen to your child through the process of getting organized.  Make sure to include them in the process. It is easy for many of us to get over excited about being about to take charge of our family and forget to listen to our child’s voice.

2. Be careful how you react.  Stay calm.- Very important when your child is consistently hitting a wall.  We need to remember that change is a gradual process.  Remind yourself that it is about the process not the end result.

3. Be patient-A good reminder when you are feeling frustrated is to focus on the fact that they are children and not “mini adults”. They will make mistakes and have immature moments.

4. Give them active time-All children, but especially those with ADD/ADHD need time to blow of steam.  Make sure that there is time allotted in your schedule for physical activity.

5. Find fun.  There’s a huge need for laughter- Family should be about fun but it is especially important to choose fun when you are working through issues together.  Make the time for crazy spontaneous fun.

6. The power of Touch and affection- The power of positive touch is amazing.  It can communicate love and tenderness and is also vitally important when working through things as a family.

7. Find restorative time for you- Make sure as parents that you are finding time for yourself but also time to be together.  Make sure to make your relationship with God as well as your marriage a priority.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD.

ADD & ADHD | Part 52019-10-31T11:15:54-04:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 4

2019-09-12T12:34:32-04:00

Get Organized- Part 1

A great list found on ADDitudemag.com for helping parents get organized and mobilized to help their child/family function with ADD/ADHD.

1. Give specific instructions. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect.

2. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently.

3. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routines. It will help him understand goals and teach him to accept responsibility.

4. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (two to five items only), and post where easily visible (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child.

5. Be realistic about time. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, clear the dishes, and get out the door in the morning. If the original time frame is leaving you five minutes shy, add five minutes.

6. Expect gradual improvement. It takes time to change old habits and form new ones.

7. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often than you punish bad.

8. Allow for free time in daily routines. Kids — and adults — need downtime.

9. If your child isn’t taking to the routine, seek help from a counselor who specializes in ADHD. A pro can help get you on track.

10. Stay focused on the long-term goals. Above all, don’t give up!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on ADD/ADHD.

ADD & ADHD | Part 42019-09-12T12:34:32-04:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 3

2019-09-12T12:33:40-04:00

Isn’t ADHD Just An Excuse For A Lack Of Discipline?

A great response to this question was found in ADDitudeMag.com, by Robert M.A. Hirschfeld, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and a father of an ADHD child….

“The idea that willpower can solve all problems is as American as apple pie, but so are compassion, tolerance, and wisdom. Some people with diseases such as diabetes and hypertension can organize their lives to limit the effects of their disabilities. But some, no matter how hard they try, need insulin to break down sugar or medication to lower their blood pressure. We offer them support, and we do not blame them for their failure to “fix” themselves.

The same goes for ADHD.

Unfortunately, when it comes to brain disorders, such as ADHD, depression, or other neurological conditions, a harmful attitude creeps in: the belief that attention deficit disorder, and other disorders originating in the mind, reflect “bad character” and that all it takes is more willpower to overcome them.

As a psychiatrist, and also as the father of an ADHD child, I know how destructive this view is. Many people with depression suffer for years because they’ve tried to make themselves feel better, and they still can’t function. Coworkers and spouses become frustrated and blame the sufferer when attempts to “jolly” a person out of a depression don’t work. Their lack of understanding adds guilt and shame to the long list of problems that depressed people cope with.

My son could not will himself to not have ADHD. Trying to get him to change his ADHD behaviors didn’t work. And had we stopped at that, his life would have been marked by frustration and failure. Without proper medical, psychological, and educational interventions, no amount of willpower could have helped. Fortunately, our continued interventions have enabled our son to shape his own destiny and experience many successes.

Challenges remain, and he’s needed our support—not our demands—to overcome them. We didn’t want our son to experience the fate of earlier generations of ADHD kids who didn’t have the benefits of new knowledge and better science.”

For more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD listen to today’s podcast.

ADD & ADHD | Part 32019-09-12T12:33:40-04:00