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The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

2019-10-10T10:27:20+00:00

When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5 2019-10-10T10:27:20+00:00

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1

2019-10-10T10:11:35+00:00

What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1 2019-10-10T10:11:35+00:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 5

2019-10-31T11:15:54+00:00

Get Organized- Part 2

Here is a list of reminders for parents on how to consistently communicate positively to your child. It will also help you to maintain the balance of structure and relationship.

1. Listen to your child- make sure you are taking the time to listen to your child through the process of getting organized.  Make sure to include them in the process. It is easy for many of us to get over excited about being about to take charge of our family and forget to listen to our child’s voice.

2. Be careful how you react.  Stay calm.- Very important when your child is consistently hitting a wall.  We need to remember that change is a gradual process.  Remind yourself that it is about the process not the end result.

3. Be patient-A good reminder when you are feeling frustrated is to focus on the fact that they are children and not “mini adults”. They will make mistakes and have immature moments.

4. Give them active time-All children, but especially those with ADD/ADHD need time to blow of steam.  Make sure that there is time allotted in your schedule for physical activity.

5. Find fun.  There’s a huge need for laughter- Family should be about fun but it is especially important to choose fun when you are working through issues together.  Make the time for crazy spontaneous fun.

6. The power of Touch and affection- The power of positive touch is amazing.  It can communicate love and tenderness and is also vitally important when working through things as a family.

7. Find restorative time for you- Make sure as parents that you are finding time for yourself but also time to be together.  Make sure to make your relationship with God as well as your marriage a priority.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD.

ADD & ADHD | Part 5 2019-10-31T11:15:54+00:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 4

2019-09-12T12:34:32+00:00

Get Organized- Part 1

A great list found on ADDitudemag.com for helping parents get organized and mobilized to help their child/family function with ADD/ADHD.

1. Give specific instructions. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect.

2. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently.

3. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routines. It will help him understand goals and teach him to accept responsibility.

4. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (two to five items only), and post where easily visible (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child.

5. Be realistic about time. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, clear the dishes, and get out the door in the morning. If the original time frame is leaving you five minutes shy, add five minutes.

6. Expect gradual improvement. It takes time to change old habits and form new ones.

7. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often than you punish bad.

8. Allow for free time in daily routines. Kids — and adults — need downtime.

9. If your child isn’t taking to the routine, seek help from a counselor who specializes in ADHD. A pro can help get you on track.

10. Stay focused on the long-term goals. Above all, don’t give up!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on ADD/ADHD.

ADD & ADHD | Part 4 2019-09-12T12:34:32+00:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 3

2019-09-12T12:33:40+00:00

Isn’t ADHD Just An Excuse For A Lack Of Discipline?

A great response to this question was found in ADDitudeMag.com, by Robert M.A. Hirschfeld, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and a father of an ADHD child….

“The idea that willpower can solve all problems is as American as apple pie, but so are compassion, tolerance, and wisdom. Some people with diseases such as diabetes and hypertension can organize their lives to limit the effects of their disabilities. But some, no matter how hard they try, need insulin to break down sugar or medication to lower their blood pressure. We offer them support, and we do not blame them for their failure to “fix” themselves.

The same goes for ADHD.

Unfortunately, when it comes to brain disorders, such as ADHD, depression, or other neurological conditions, a harmful attitude creeps in: the belief that attention deficit disorder, and other disorders originating in the mind, reflect “bad character” and that all it takes is more willpower to overcome them.

As a psychiatrist, and also as the father of an ADHD child, I know how destructive this view is. Many people with depression suffer for years because they’ve tried to make themselves feel better, and they still can’t function. Coworkers and spouses become frustrated and blame the sufferer when attempts to “jolly” a person out of a depression don’t work. Their lack of understanding adds guilt and shame to the long list of problems that depressed people cope with.

My son could not will himself to not have ADHD. Trying to get him to change his ADHD behaviors didn’t work. And had we stopped at that, his life would have been marked by frustration and failure. Without proper medical, psychological, and educational interventions, no amount of willpower could have helped. Fortunately, our continued interventions have enabled our son to shape his own destiny and experience many successes.

Challenges remain, and he’s needed our support—not our demands—to overcome them. We didn’t want our son to experience the fate of earlier generations of ADHD kids who didn’t have the benefits of new knowledge and better science.”

For more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD listen to today’s podcast.

ADD & ADHD | Part 3 2019-09-12T12:33:40+00:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 2

2019-09-12T12:32:53+00:00

Mom Is Key

Children with ADD/ADHD have a very difficult time maintaining focus on things that do not interest them.  This can become very frustrating to parents when they see their child get very focused for a long period of time over a video game or some other hobby but are unable to maintain that focus when it comes to homework or chores.   Parents need to keep in mind for a child who is truly ADD/ADHD it is not willful disobedience.

Where parents can come in to help is by providing consistent rewards for an area that may be difficult for a child to self motivate.  Something such as homework is a good area to start.  Something like offering a small reward such as a snack for a subject completed or an allotted amount of time worked is all that may be needed to motivate the child to focus.  Start with small chunks of time worked and slowly work to more as your child does better focusing.

 

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

ADD & ADHD | Part 2 2019-09-12T12:32:53+00:00

ADD & ADHD | Part 1

2019-09-12T12:32:10+00:00

Have Hope

ADD/ADHD seems to be something that many parents have questions about because it is so prevalent in today’s society, to the point where many parents worry about their children unnecessarily.  It appears that currently only 3-5% of children truly suffer from ADD/ADHD. The characteristics of ADD/ADHD are impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity. The problem is many parents with toddlers can attest to theses characteristics showing up frequently.  So we must ask when does it become a problem? There are several factors that can cause this in young children, everything from lack of sleep, diet, or even over stimulation.  So we as parents need to ask ourselves a few questions to determine whether or not this is something that we need to take more seriously.

Is the behavior I observe in my child similar to that of other children he encounters?

Is the behavior I expect of my child developmentally appropriate?

Do I see a pattern of behavior when my child engages in various activities?

Do I see a pattern of behavior in various settings?

It may even help to ask the perspective of another objective adult such as a teacher.

 

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

ADD & ADHD | Part 1 2019-09-12T12:32:10+00:00

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 5

2019-08-22T11:34:14+00:00

NO Excuses

The generation of children and teens have been raised observing the “its never my fault attitude”. Many in society want to blame every one around them for circumstances and choices, the victim mentality is sadly very prevalent.  This is a very adolescent attitude that many adults have not grown out of.

We need to teach our children that their choices are their own, which means that they need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.  No excuses are acceptable.  Teaching this attitude of responsibility for decisions makes our child both marriageable and employable.  Never being able to admit when you are at fault makes both of these areas very difficult.

The Living Bible translates the Proverbs 22:6 verse like this, “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”  We are training our children not only to make the right choices but to take responsibility and learn from the poor ones.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of decision making.

 

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 5 2019-08-22T11:34:14+00:00

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 4

2019-08-22T11:33:27+00:00

Challenges

The challenges of decision making are evident in every decision your child has to make.  Rather then making these decisions for your child, or becoming frustrated with the child’s poor decisions, use these as opportunities for decision making development.

What are examples in the decision making training process? Well when our children are young we train them to pick up after themselves.   That is ultimately helping them make the decision to do that later on.  How they handle their allowance is a great decision making opportunity.  Decisions about when is an appropriate time to leave if something is happening at a party or date that goes against what is appropriate.

All the “challenges” we as parents face with our children and teens are also great training opportunities.  The need to learn the skill of wise, disciplined decision making is often more significant then the behavior we are dealing with.  Don’t get frustrated and miss out on the opportunity to train.  We need to instill in our kids the thought, “Its not that my parents caught me, it’s that I made the wrong decision.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of decision making.

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 4 2019-08-22T11:33:27+00:00

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 3

2019-08-22T11:32:50+00:00

The Four Parts of The Training Process

As we have discussed previously, there are four “E’s” to every training process we face with our children.  We need to focus on all four of these steps for successful training.

The first is our example as parents.  Are we setting the example of good decision making?  If we make a bad choice are we humble enough to explain and help our children learn from our mistake?  Do our children see us going to God’s word, praying about it and seeking Godly advice when we make a decision? Remember a very big part of the training process is living out what we are teaching.

The second step is exposing them to the decision making process.  Like we said in example, include your children in decisions that are being made as a family.  Allow them to see how to process a big decision.

The third “E”, is experience.   We need to allow our children the experience of making their own decisions.  We stated Monday that often it is easier as parents to make decisions for our child because it is so time consuming to walk them through the process.  However, if we are not allowing them to practice decision making then we are actually stunting development in this area.

Finally comes encouragement.  We also need to take the time to encourage our children when they make decisions.  We need to go crazy with praise when they make the right choice, but we also need to take the time to encourage when the decision is not the right one.  This means we take the time to process with our child and encourage that they can do better and you believe that they can make the right choices.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Raising a Wise Decision Maker | Part 3 2019-08-22T11:32:50+00:00