Sibling Rivalry | Part 5

Sibling Rivalry | Part 5

Jun 23

Sibling Rivalry and Personalities

There are many aspects of parenting where our children’s different personalities may have an affect.  Sibling rivalry can be one of those areas.  If you have a child who is very sensitive you may be tempted to rescue them whenever they get their feelings hurt.  This may not help them in the long run, however.  If our job is to train our child for adulthood we may need to help our sensitive child learn how to cope.  There are obviously times we need to step in when picking on each other goes too far.  When our sensitive child gets their feelings hurt we may just need to take some time to talk them through it.   Many times they are getting picked on because of their reaction.  Teaching them how to cope will help them not only in the school years but also help them to not wear their feelings on their sleeve as adults.

The other child we can take extra time with is the child who is our leader.  Our goal should be training up all of our children to be future leaders but our first-born has been naturally placed in this role.  We can start allowing them areas of leadership.  As the oldest they will have more privileges then their siblings as they grow, so their responsibilities will grow as well.  Having a sense of ownership in their leadership role will help with the sibling rivalry we just have to guide them.

Take the time to come up with a plan for the different personalities in your home.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

 
Sibling Rivalry | Part 4

Sibling Rivalry | Part 4

Jun 22

Don’t Just Manage Sibling Rivalry Train For Relationship

There are so many times that we get caught up in attempting to manage the fighting between our children we forget to give opportunities for relationship.  There are several areas where we can train our children to enjoy and ultimately serve each other.  This may not be something that comes naturally to our children so we need to look for opportunities to help them with it.  Make sure there are routine times for sibling fun in your house.  Game nights are great for family interaction.  Have a weekly “fun Friday” where you allow your kids to have a big slumber party in the living room with popcorn and a movie.  It is our job to create experiences to promote camaraderie in our kids.

Another area to focus on is training our kids to serve each other.  Look for areas where you can help one child serve the other.  For example, your older child has a big test to study for and it is their job to do the dishes.  Talk to your younger child and have them help you do the dishes for the older one.  Make sure the child is receiving plenty of praise from you as they help you do the dishes.   This is a great training opportunity that so often we miss.

Make sure that you take the extra time to create opportunities for fun and service.  It will go along way in helping your children’s relationship with each other.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

 
Sibling Rivalry | Part 3

Sibling Rivalry | Part 3

Jun 21

Using Sibling Rivalry for Training in Impulse and Attitude Control

Siblings are a great learning and practicing tool for marriage and coworkers.  Utilizing this for training in both impulse control and not allowing someone else to control our attitude is important.  We touched on how to do this yesterday.  Make sure you are consistently communicating what the other options to fighting are.  When you hear fighting from the other room you can take that moment to remind your children, as a warning for their behavior, what the right choice would be.  After the warning, if the inappropriate behavior continues then a consequence can occur.  By doing this you are reminding your children to use self-control or to control their impulses.  Immaturity would say to retaliate when someone does something to you.  Maturity would be able to look past it and deal with it appropriately.

The next thing we can utilize siblings for is to teach our children that attitude is a choice.  You can choose to let someone else’s actions control your mood or you can refocus both yourself and your mood.  Again in both of these training opportunities positive reinforcement goes along way.  This may mean more work for us as parents as we look for things to praise.  We also sometimes mean well and then get too busy to mention it when our kids make the right choice.  Take the time and effort to go crazy for good behavior; that sometimes speaks more loudly then consequences for the poor choices.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

 
Sibling Rivalry | Part 2

Sibling Rivalry | Part 2

Jun 20

Using Sibling Rivalry as a Training Tool

It is so easy to get irritated and frustrated when our children don’t get along. Constant fighting between siblings can be exhausting for parents. However, sibling rivalry is a great teaching tool for our children to learn many life lessons.  One lesson is how to handle it appropriately when someone irritates you.   Another lesson is conflict management.  The lesson that life is not always fair can also be taught through siblings.  Keep focused on the importance of these lessons and come up with a plan for utilizing sibling rivalry for training.   This will help give purpose for dealing with these issues and help us as parents to not feel so frustrated.

Take time to set up parameters on where the line of inappropriate behaviors is.  Then have a family meeting to discuss this line, the consequences for stepping over the line and options for appropriately dealing with the conflict.  Giving your children options on how to appropriately deal with it when their sibling irritates them is part of the training.  They can talk to their sibling, remove themselves from the situation or refocus on something else. Another key to training is not only handing out consequences for inappropriate behavior but also rewarding the positive.  If our children make the right choice and avoid the fighting we need to make sure we are going crazy with praise.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

 
Sibling Rivalry | Part 1

Sibling Rivalry | Part 1

Jun 19

What Is Sibling Rivalry?

This week we will discuss a topic that anyone who has more then one child will deal with, sibling rivalry.  We need to take a step back and realize that sibling rivalry is a normal behavior.  It can be used as a signal behavior for parents.  The children may be in need of attention, they may be blowing steam from a stressful day, and the behavior can simply mean that they are tired or bored.

As a parenting team, we need to evaluate what our plan will be.  At what point are we going to get involved and what are the unacceptable behaviors?  We can look at this behavior as another training opportunity.  Our children need to be able to work some of these issues out on their own.   It is part of learning how to live in close proximity with another person.  If they do not learn at home their first experiences with this will be in the college dorm or when they get married.  There is a point where we as parents will need to step in for guidance.  We will spend the rest of this week discussing the balance of helping your children work out the issues of sibling rivalry.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.