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About Torrey Roberts

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So far Torrey Roberts has created 307 blog entries.

Family Fun | Part 5

2018-06-22T08:27:33+00:00

Perfection vs. Fun

There is such pressure for performance and perfection in today’s culture, from how we perform at work/school to our appearance.  A great way to defuse this pressure is family fun.  Especially fun at a parent’s expense, this helps model for a child how not to take themselves to seriously.   In our house this was Dad.  Dad made sure that he rigged it so that he lost most of the games we played.  He then would make a huge show of loosing meaning that he would burst into tears or being silly throw a temper tantrum.  There were many creative ways to have us all hysterically laughing.  It seems he took it as a challenge if one of us was in a bad mood to do something ridiculous to make us laugh.  There was even several times that he “fell asleep” at the breakfast table and got oatmeal all over his face.  This was a great lesson for us in how its ok to be silly and to laugh at yourself.

 

Family Fun | Part 5 2018-06-22T08:27:33+00:00

Family Fun | Part 4

2018-06-22T08:26:45+00:00

The Value of Food Coloring

With the explosion of social media there is an overwhelming amount of information on how to have fun and create fun family memories. From blogs, like this one, to pinterest we have no excuse to not have creative family time.  We just have to make the time.

There are two types of fun that need to take place because they serve two different purposes.  The first is spontaneous fun, this is the type of fun that breaks routine. We gave an example of this unexpected fun with the story of the water balloons earlier this week.  It can even be something like having a themed dinner, picnic on the floor, dinner at the beach or the park on a weeknight, or even as simple as stopping for an ice-cream off the dollar menu to celebrate a Tuesday.

The other type of fun is scheduled fun.  This is setting aside time to have fun together as a family.  A great example of this is a family game night.  Family game night can do a lot more then just fun. It can help to teach a child how to have fun with competition and how to win/loose appropriately.

Make it a habit to have moments of spontaneous and scheduled fun at least once a week.

 

 

Family Fun | Part 4 2018-06-22T08:26:45+00:00

Family Fun | Part 3

2018-06-22T08:25:39+00:00

It Doesn’t Have to Cost Money

Today’s society has such a warped view of what fun is.  For many of us fun is wrapped around getting something new or paying someone/something to entertain us.  Many of us pay to take our children places for them to be entertained.  We need to teach our children what it means to have fun with out spending.  This doesn’t mean sitting your children down and lecturing them how when you were a child you could spend the day entertaining yourself out side with only a stick or a rock.  This means setting the example.  Play with your children, don’t just set them in front of the TV or videogame as a babysitter.

Another thing that we can do is encourage our children to develop their imagination.  Spend time reading to your children or making time for them to read.  Loose your inhibitions and spend time in the back yard pretending to fight the dragon or sailing across the ocean with your young children.  Take the time to kick/throw/ hit a ball with your older children.  Show them that fun doesn’t have to cost anything. There is also something to be said for the value of knowing how to entertain yourself and not have to be entertained.

 

 

 

Family Fun | Part 3 2018-06-22T08:25:39+00:00

Family Fun | Part 2

2018-06-22T08:24:27+00:00

It Relieves Stress

We touched on the concept of fun as a stress relieve a little bit yesterday.  It is amazing that fun can be like a mini vacation from life. It is amazing how just a few brief moments of fun can lighten the load of a stressful situation.  It also helps us as parents keep proper perspective on what truly is important.

For example, during a particularly stressful time for the girls in the residential program, meaning they were having a bad week of fighting between each other, the house mom and I decided that we needed to create a “distraction of fun”.  When the house pop left in the van to pick up the girls we spent 30 minutes filling water balloons.  Now was there other things that we could have, and probably should have, been doing with that time? Yes, but we knew that it would help the girls relationally if we could create a distraction.  We were around the corner of the house when the van pulled in and soaked them as they got out.  It is amazing what being pelted with water balloons does to build camaraderie in a group.  We were able to defuse the tension and relational stress with fun.

Try finding time for some silly fun in your house this week.

 

 

Family Fun | Part 2 2018-06-22T08:24:27+00:00

Family Fun | Part 1

2018-06-22T08:23:33+00:00

Why It’s Important To Have

There are so many stressors on every member of the family today, financial, relational, and work/ school related stress to name a few.  The home is suppose to be an environment that will shield us from those stresses.  It is our safe place and shelter from the world around us.  It is also the place to build those lasting childhood memories.  How sad for time to just fly by because of our busy lives and have regrets about the time spent with our children.  We can’t spend our time living only for the weekend or the vacation time. We need to incorporate fun into our day to day.  When children are young get into the habit of making family meals something that you do together.  Take that opportunity around the table to talk but also don’t miss out on the opportunity for laughing and just plain silliness.  It is amazing the stress relief of a really good laugh.  Taking opportunities to look for fun also sets the tone for the atmosphere of your family.  What will your children feel as they think about their childhood? Will it be fond memories of great family times or will it be memories of wishing for something different.

Make sure to not take yourself to seriously and just have fun with your family.

 

 

Family Fun | Part 1 2018-06-22T08:23:33+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5

2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

Series Wrap-up

Children thrive under consistent boundaries.  When parents are not on the same page these boundaries cannot be consistent.  It can ultimately make the child feel very insecure.  Children will even test this to see if mom and dad are on the same page.  There are many times when a child will go to one parent and ask for something, if the answer they receive is not to their liking they will then go to the other parent. There are even times they are bold enough to ask the second parent in front of the first.  We need to take these opportunities to support our spouse 100 percent.  We must present a united front and communicate that we truly are “one flesh.”

When dealing with a blending family this is even more important.  The natural parent must go out of their way and look for opportunities to support the leadership of their spouse.  Children, because of the new circumstances, will try even harder to see if their natural parent and stepparent are on the same page.  For these families the parenting staff meetings are all the more important as you are ultimately bringing more then two spouses together but two families.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5 2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4

2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

How To Work Together As Parents

What happens if my spouse and I continue to have difficulty seeing eye to eye on an issue?  For many families the children will have temperaments similar to one parent.  It is sometimes easy for that parent, with the similar temperament, to excuse the behavior of that child.  On some occasions the opposite occurs, the similar temperament parent is harder on that child because of the similarities.  This can cause disagreements when a parent is being too lax or too hard on a child.  During a parental staff meeting always keep your goals in the forefront of the conversation.   Some of the ultimate goals of parenting are raising a child to be a Godly adult and raising a child to be both marriageable and employable.

When there are disagreements on how to handle an issue you can look at it through the lens of the ultimate goals.  Ask yourself, is this an issue that will effect their future marriage/employment or is this merely something that I find annoying? Back talk can be one such issue.  One parent may feel that a child is merely expressing himself, where the other parent may feel it is disrespectful.  When looking through the lens of future success, back talk is not something that is tolerated by teachers or bosses.  This means that it is something that should be dealt with.  Keeping the big picture goals out in front of parenting will help to make the day-to-day decisions easier.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on what to do with disagreements on parenting.

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4 2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3

2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

Why Don’t We Like Conflict?

When the word conflict is brought up, it can bring with it many different emotions.  Some will avoid conflict at all costs and others like to argue just for arguing sake.  Disagreements can be healthy in a marriage if handled appropriately.  We cannot go into conflict competitively always out to win the argument.  There are even times when we need to take a step back and agree to disagree for the sake of peace.  What do we do, however, with parenting issues? Most of these issues have to have a middle ground between parents so they can be on the same page.    James 1:19 tells us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”    We must apply these principles to our parental staff meetings when there are areas of disagreement.  If we take a step back and listen to each other, we may realize that ultimately we are agreeing on the goal for this parenting issue and all we have to work out is the implementation.

Our focus must not be that either of us “wins” the argument but that ultimately our child “wins” because we have come together and hashed out the issue for their benefit.  If there are routine times set aside to discuss parenting then the staff meetings don’t have to be something that are dreaded.  The can even be something to be looked forward to if you take the time to set a positive atmosphere. Pray together before discussing, that God will use these times to make you stronger as a couple and as a family.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3 2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1

2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

What To Do When Parents Disagree?

Today’s parent has many challenges to face.  What do we do when one of those challenges is our spouse?  This week we will talk about what to do when we disagree on parenting issues.

Parenting can be one of those hot buttons for a marriage.  We all come into marriage with different expectations based on how we were raised.  Parenting can be an area where we have a hard time seeing eye to eye with our spouse for many reasons, expectations, personality and even our own exhaustion level.

How we choose to see these disagreements can have an effect on their outcome.   Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If we set aside time to have our weekly parenting staff meeting these disagreements can serve to spark conversation and ultimately make our parenting team stronger if we allow them to!

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1 2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #29 and #30

2018-03-15T16:49:40+00:00

#29 = Eat Dinner Together
#30 = Take Vacations Together

Research over the past few years has shown the value of eating together as a family.  In fact, an article in TIME, by Nancy Gibbs called The Magic of the Family Meal states, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”

Sitting down together as a family can also be such an awesome tool for teaching communication.  Children can learn the give and take of a conversation.  It can also be a great place to talk through how their day went as well as listening to how other family members faired.  The dinner table can also be a place for fun.  As parents we can be creative conversationalists and do games around the dinner table.   We must remember that even though we may be tired from our day we set the tone for how the conversation will go.

Another area that can be a great venue for teaching communication is family vacations.  Simply taking a vacation where you have to have some down time as a family can be very valuable.  Make sure that when you are planning a vacation it is not all just entertainment but that there is some time set aside to simply be together.  If not you may leave the vacation feeling more exhausted then when you left and not feel like you had the time to get to have relationship.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on these topics.

 

 

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #29 and #30 2018-03-15T16:49:40+00:00