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So far Torrey Roberts has created 307 blog entries.

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5

2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

Series Wrap-up

Children thrive under consistent boundaries.  When parents are not on the same page these boundaries cannot be consistent.  It can ultimately make the child feel very insecure.  Children will even test this to see if mom and dad are on the same page.  There are many times when a child will go to one parent and ask for something, if the answer they receive is not to their liking they will then go to the other parent. There are even times they are bold enough to ask the second parent in front of the first.  We need to take these opportunities to support our spouse 100 percent.  We must present a united front and communicate that we truly are “one flesh.”

When dealing with a blending family this is even more important.  The natural parent must go out of their way and look for opportunities to support the leadership of their spouse.  Children, because of the new circumstances, will try even harder to see if their natural parent and stepparent are on the same page.  For these families the parenting staff meetings are all the more important as you are ultimately bringing more then two spouses together but two families.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5 2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4

2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

How To Work Together As Parents

What happens if my spouse and I continue to have difficulty seeing eye to eye on an issue?  For many families the children will have temperaments similar to one parent.  It is sometimes easy for that parent, with the similar temperament, to excuse the behavior of that child.  On some occasions the opposite occurs, the similar temperament parent is harder on that child because of the similarities.  This can cause disagreements when a parent is being too lax or too hard on a child.  During a parental staff meeting always keep your goals in the forefront of the conversation.   Some of the ultimate goals of parenting are raising a child to be a Godly adult and raising a child to be both marriageable and employable.

When there are disagreements on how to handle an issue you can look at it through the lens of the ultimate goals.  Ask yourself, is this an issue that will effect their future marriage/employment or is this merely something that I find annoying? Back talk can be one such issue.  One parent may feel that a child is merely expressing himself, where the other parent may feel it is disrespectful.  When looking through the lens of future success, back talk is not something that is tolerated by teachers or bosses.  This means that it is something that should be dealt with.  Keeping the big picture goals out in front of parenting will help to make the day-to-day decisions easier.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on what to do with disagreements on parenting.

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4 2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3

2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

Why Don’t We Like Conflict?

When the word conflict is brought up, it can bring with it many different emotions.  Some will avoid conflict at all costs and others like to argue just for arguing sake.  Disagreements can be healthy in a marriage if handled appropriately.  We cannot go into conflict competitively always out to win the argument.  There are even times when we need to take a step back and agree to disagree for the sake of peace.  What do we do, however, with parenting issues? Most of these issues have to have a middle ground between parents so they can be on the same page.    James 1:19 tells us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”    We must apply these principles to our parental staff meetings when there are areas of disagreement.  If we take a step back and listen to each other, we may realize that ultimately we are agreeing on the goal for this parenting issue and all we have to work out is the implementation.

Our focus must not be that either of us “wins” the argument but that ultimately our child “wins” because we have come together and hashed out the issue for their benefit.  If there are routine times set aside to discuss parenting then the staff meetings don’t have to be something that are dreaded.  The can even be something to be looked forward to if you take the time to set a positive atmosphere. Pray together before discussing, that God will use these times to make you stronger as a couple and as a family.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3 2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1

2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

What To Do When Parents Disagree?

Today’s parent has many challenges to face.  What do we do when one of those challenges is our spouse?  This week we will talk about what to do when we disagree on parenting issues.

Parenting can be one of those hot buttons for a marriage.  We all come into marriage with different expectations based on how we were raised.  Parenting can be an area where we have a hard time seeing eye to eye with our spouse for many reasons, expectations, personality and even our own exhaustion level.

How we choose to see these disagreements can have an effect on their outcome.   Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If we set aside time to have our weekly parenting staff meeting these disagreements can serve to spark conversation and ultimately make our parenting team stronger if we allow them to!

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1 2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #29 and #30

2018-03-15T16:49:40+00:00

#29 = Eat Dinner Together
#30 = Take Vacations Together

Research over the past few years has shown the value of eating together as a family.  In fact, an article in TIME, by Nancy Gibbs called The Magic of the Family Meal states, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”

Sitting down together as a family can also be such an awesome tool for teaching communication.  Children can learn the give and take of a conversation.  It can also be a great place to talk through how their day went as well as listening to how other family members faired.  The dinner table can also be a place for fun.  As parents we can be creative conversationalists and do games around the dinner table.   We must remember that even though we may be tired from our day we set the tone for how the conversation will go.

Another area that can be a great venue for teaching communication is family vacations.  Simply taking a vacation where you have to have some down time as a family can be very valuable.  Make sure that when you are planning a vacation it is not all just entertainment but that there is some time set aside to simply be together.  If not you may leave the vacation feeling more exhausted then when you left and not feel like you had the time to get to have relationship.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on these topics.

 

 

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #29 and #30 2018-03-15T16:49:40+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #28

2018-03-15T16:48:52+00:00

#28 Applaud Effort and Good Choices

It is very easy for us as parent to get very results oriented, when we need to be process oriented.  We are raising children to BECOME adults.  We cannot have expectations that they will always make the perfect decision/action/ emotion in a situation.  This is why it is imperative that we applaud when they do make a good choice and make an effort to do the right thing.  We cannot simply applaud what we think the end result should be.  We spent a whole week discussing this topic to check it out, click here.

 

As always listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #28 2018-03-15T16:48:52+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 26

2018-03-15T16:48:11+00:00

#26 = Let Them Observe You – Live Out Your Marriage

A great concept I read in a book once was the fact that our marriage is our first ministry.  It’s not ministering to those in need around us, caring for our children, although both of those are important.  It is out of our marriage that all other ministries flow forth. Jesus in commissioning His disciples told them to go to “Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria,then to the ends of the earth.  (Acts 1:8) This is why we should first serve our spouse as our first ministry, then our children, then those around us.  If the marriage/family relationships are rocky it can steal focus from other ministry opportunities around us.  This is why allowing your children to observe how you minister to each other as spouses is vitally important to them, for their future.  We actually spent the entire month of June on the topic of marriage.  To check out those series click hereyou can also see the whole month just by scrolling back to the beginning of June. 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic as well.

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 26 2018-03-15T16:48:11+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 25

2018-03-15T16:47:46+00:00

#25 = Let Them Observe You – Live Out Your Faith

We have mentioned countless times that one of the ways our children learn is by observing us.  One area in particular that we can really teach them through our example is our faith.  Trying to explain such an ethereal subject to a child can be difficult but they can learn the concept through our actions and faith lived out.  We touched on this topic previously in our series, Training Up A Godly Child.  Click Here to check it out.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 25 2018-03-15T16:47:46+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 24

2018-03-15T16:47:15+00:00

#24 = Get Out There With Them – In Their Cyber Space

It is important to get to know a very particular area of your child’s world and that is cyber space.  This is a new arena for parenting because no other generation has had the benefits of the learning tools at their fingertips, as well as the dangers that come along with it.  We spent two series on this topic specifically to check out the series called Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection, click here.  We also did a series titled, Cyber Bullying, click here for that series.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting # 24 2018-03-15T16:47:15+00:00

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #22 and #23

2018-03-15T16:47:02+00:00

#22 = Get Out There With Them – Be Where They Are
#23 = Get Out There With Them – Show Up at Parties

It is very important to get into your child’s world and be able to observe what is going on around them.  You  also have the opportunity to observer who they are allowing to influence them, as well as how your children interact with others.

One of these areas is parties.  Take the time to create a game plan for how your family will handle parties during the preteen/teen years.  Check out our previous series on the topic by clicking here.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on these topics.

The 30 Imperatives of Parenting #22 and #23 2018-03-15T16:47:02+00:00