What Is Unhealthy Conflict?

Yesterday we talked about the fact that conflicts in the marriage are not unhealthy and should be expected. It is how we deal with conflict that can be unhealthy. So then what is unhealthy conflict?

The first way we can deal with conflict in an unhealthy way is actually to not deal with it. So choose to ignore conflict or “sweep it under the rug.” Dealing with conflict in this way can lead to bitterness and anger toward each other. Which would be tragic if it was over a misunderstanding. Think about conflict like this, it is a small cut that if cleaned, or discussed, it is no big deal. If it is left alone it can get dirty and infected and ultimately cause a major problem.

The second way we deal with conflict unhealthily is but making assumptions. If our spouse does something to hurt our feelings we jump to the conclusion that we are just not important to them or they don’t love us anymore. When it may have been as simple as we just did not express to our spouse our expectations or desires. Remember neither spouse is a mind reader so we must express our feelings and expectations and we cannot attempt to read our spouses mind by making assumptions.

Lastly we can deal with conflict in unhealthy ways by loosing it. Either we can become irrational or overly emotional or by screaming. Choose to use the guide that God gave us in James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on conflict.