Performance Focused Parenting | Part 5


It’s Never Too Late!

What do I do if my child is older and I am just processing this now?  It is never too late to begin this process.  You may have a little bit of extra work ahead of you as you set different family priorities and patterns.  It is well worth the effort.

The first thing that needs to be done is, to evaluate the things that need to be added to your schedule and things that need to be cut.  Are there some activities, even though they have always been done, that need to be cut so there is family down time? For example, maybe a family devotion time needs to be added, so your family may have to get up and to the breakfast table together.

Next because the children are older they need to be made aware of what the changes are and why. So a family meeting needs to be held.  Don’t be discouraged if your kids don’t embrace the changes right away.  Remember the goal is to train them for adulthood.

Setting the right priorities for your parenting is always worth the work it takes!



Performance Focused Parenting | Part 5 2018-11-07T11:59:12+00:00

Performance Focused Parenting | Part 4


Raising a God-Honoring Adult

We discussed yesterday about the importance of having a parenting curriculum or a plan for raising your children.  The most important thing on your list of goals for parenting is raising a God-honoring adult.  This will be the filter through which your children live out their adult lives.

We have discussed the “Four E’s” of parenting in the past but they apply to this goal as well.  The first “E” in the training process is example.  We as parents need to model what it means to be a godly adult.  This is so important for our kids to observe because it makes what they learn in church real.  When we do mess up, we need to take the time to admit it and apologize.

The next is expose.  We must expose our kids to the Bible.  Make sure that you are not too busy to take time out for family devotions.  Make exposing your children to kids their age who share their beliefs a priority.  Church and kids ministries are also important in exposing your children to learning about who God is.

The third is experience.  Help your children walk through what it means to be a Christian.  What are the choices that they need to process through the filter of being Godly?  Modesty is one of these issues as is how they treat others.  Many of these daily issues we can be there to help our kids’ process through the experience of what it means to be a Christian.

Finally is encouragement.  We need to be on the sidelines of our children’s lives cheering for the choices that they make.  More than ever it can be difficult to be a Christian in school and stand up for what you believe in.  We need to go crazy with praise when our kids make the right and some times difficult choice.


Performance Focused Parenting | Part 4 2018-11-07T11:59:02+00:00

Performance Focused Parenting | Part 3


The Parenting Curriculum

How ridiculous would it sound if we went to our child’s open house at school and their teacher had no lesson plans for the year?  Even if the teacher explained the plan for the year being to watch what the other teachers do, then sit over coffee and discuss what worked and what didn’t.  We as parents would be incensed that there was no plan for our child’s education.  But how many of us do this with parenting our children?

We fly through life dropping our kids off at school and activities and our parenting style appears to be trial and error.  When we are so busy life seems to fly by even faster.  It would be such a tragedy to drop our child off on a college campus or watch them go out the door as adults and have regrets about our parenting.   One way to make sure we are able to do our best to train our children is to have goals or a parenting curriculum.  Take the time to process through the areas your child needs to be trained in before adulthood.  There are several places to start. You can start with thinking through the areas that you wished you had more training.  Another great place to start is the book of Proverbs.  This is a book written from father to son and has some wonderful insight.  Make sure that you sit down during one of you parenting staff meeting with you spouse and think through your goals for parenting.  This way you can help to make family and parenting a priority and not just get caught up in the busyness of life.


Performance Focused Parenting | Part 3 2018-11-07T11:58:51+00:00

Performance Focused Parenting | Part 2


Who are we performing for?

If we are attempting to ensure that we are training our children to be human beings not “human doings” then we need to first step back and examine ourselves.  There are a couple of questions we need to answer in our own lives.  The first is, are we too busy ourselves?  Do we have unrealistic expectations for what we can accomplish?  We need to be able to model down time for our children.  Our children must be able to observe our times of quietness before God, with our spouse and times of simplicity together as family.

The second question we need to answer in our own life is, for whom are we performing?  Are we placing the pressures we feel from others on our children?  For example, our parents may be putting pressure on us for the way we parent or make us feel like our children must be involved in certain activities.  Other families around us may also add to the pressure to have our children involved in activities.  Our peers may inadvertently guilt us into pressuring our children by comparing their children to ours.  We need to remember that we serve only an Audience of One.  He is the only one who will hold us accountable for how we raise our children.  Until we as parents can shift our focus to Him we cannot hope to pass this concept on to our children.


Performance Focused Parenting | Part 2 2018-11-07T11:58:42+00:00

Performance Focused Parenting | Part 1


What is the Focus of Parenting?

Have we put so much emphasis on the “success” of our kids that life has simply become racing from one activity to another?  Society would have us believe that our children need to be academically, socially and athletically successful to be ready for the adult world.  So childhood flies by in a whirlwind of homework and practices.

We touched on this topic when we discussed time management but we need to take this concept a step deeper.  Have we gotten to the point as parents that we have become our children’s performance enhancement drug?  Have we placed so much pressure on our children to succeed that they may be missing out on the very basics of childhood?  Picturing childhood should conjure up images of swings, ice cream cones and times filled with imagination.   But these pressures have been placed on our children as early as elementary school.  There are areas that need to be developed in our children in order to be marriageable and employable, such as the art of conversation or even think time, that need some down time in order to be taught. We need to remember that we are raising a human being and not a human doing.

This week we will be discussing performance focused parenting as we do make sure to take some time to step back and process what the focus of your parenting is.


Performance Focused Parenting | Part 1 2018-11-07T11:58:26+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


When There Is No Return On Your Investment

First we need to clarify what this means.  What we are discussing today is when it feels like one spouse is investing more then the other.  This is not when there are major sin issues, affairs, or abuse these are areas which need professional guidance.  This is simply a period of time in a marriage where one spouse may be working harder on the marriage then the other.

There are some actions that we can take during this time.  The first thing we need to be doing, and often times it is sadly our last resort, is prayer.  We need to be praying for our spouse, marriage and areas we can do better to serve our spouse.  Next we can decide who we are truly doing this for.  If we are doing marriage to meet our needs then we will be disappointed.  Our focus should be to serve our spouse, because by doing this we are ultimately serving Christ.  Something that will help as well is to “take captive every thought”.  If there are negative thoughts about your spouse choose to focus on positives.  What do they do well? Are they a great parent, hard worker, anything that is a positive trait that you can focus on and be grateful for.  These are just a few ideas, for more things to do listen to today’s podcast.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5 2018-11-07T11:30:10+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Affection & The Need For Activity

Even though some people may be more “touchy feely” we all need affection to feel loved.  We also need to have a sense of fun in the relationship.  This is accomplished through activity together.  These two are examples of areas that couples are so good about while they are dating.  You tell “honeymoon” phase of a relationship because first, they can’t keep their hands off each other and second they do everything together.  These areas can get lost in the shuffle of busy married life if we are not careful.  We must be intentional to make sure that both the areas of affection and fun activity happen in our marriage.  Make sure to listen to today’s podcast to hear more about these two important topics.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4 2018-11-07T11:28:52+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Admiration

It is amazing when you are dating and the relationship is new how your significant other can seem to do no wrong, and even when they do it is easily glossed over.  Equally amazing how that changes quickly in a marriage and almost reverses.  It is easy to pick at your spouse for small petty things.  This is why our need for admiration is so important to remember, because nitpicking undermines this.  Men need to feel admiration and respect from their wives.  They need to feel that they are doing a great job protecting, providing for and leading their family.  Even if there are times when they are not, they will be much more apt to discuss if they have felt their wives continued respect.  Women need to feel their husband’s love and admiration.  They still need to feel beautiful to their husbands, feel protected and cherished.  When God gave us Ephesians 5 as a road map for this there were no conditions.  It doesn’t say husband love your wives as Christ loved the church and wives respect your husbands but only as much as they deserve your love and respect.  It is unconditional.  This reveals the deep need for both spouses to feel admiration.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3 2018-11-07T11:27:56+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Attention & The Need For Acceptance

We all have basic needs as spouses.  With our focus this week on being proactive, a great place to start is to look at the needs of our spouse and do what we can to meet them.  The first basic need of both spouses is the need for attention.  This is especially important in today’s digital age.  Sadly, there have been times where I have seen a couple out to dinner both on their cell phones.  We must find a way to communicate to our spouse that there are specific times where they can have our undivided attention.

The second area is the need for acceptance. Our spouse needs to feel that they are loved for who they are unconditionally.  It is not our job to change who our spouse is.  God brings two people together who usually have very different strengths.   This is because the two can become one and become an amazing team.    It is so much easier for our spouse to feel our acceptance, if instead of looking at the areas we feel they need to change, we focus on how best we can serve.   Being proactive to meet the needs of your spouse is extremely important.  Look for ways you can serve your spouse today.



The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2 2018-11-07T11:26:56+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


The Need To Set Boundaries

With everything going on in the world around us it is easy to see how important placing boundaries around your marriage is.  We must be proactive to protect our relationship with our spouse.  This is such an important topic we spent a week discussing itClick here to check out our series on boundaries in marriage.  Be sure to check back tomorrow as we begin to discuss the Five “A’s” or areas of need in a marriage.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1 2018-11-07T12:26:34+00:00