Broadcast

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 4

2018-05-03T10:46:15+00:00

The Difference Between Determined And Rebellious

Both types of child can seem similar but the difference may be in the root of what they want.  A determined child is passionate for what they want.  The strong willed child may fight to get their way.  This is pride coming out, they will battle for their way regardless.  They don’t like being told no.  Another type of child is the angry child; they battle authority because they are angry.  When dealing with toddlers there may be some overlap of these three just from the natural push back of that age.  As children get older and training kicks in the determined child’s passion can be seen for what it is.  Passion for things they believe in.  Like we said yesterday, we need to help our child learn to channel that good quality and not get discouraged. The trained, determined child will be the child/teen who won’t easily quit or give up, can endure failures and come back, and isn’t afraid to risk failure. Determination at its best is doing your part, staying with it, never quitting and then trusting God for the results. This is what we want to instill in our children.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 4 2018-05-03T10:46:15+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 1

2018-05-03T10:43:28+00:00

Your Child Is Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day battles with a strong child and get tired, even frustrated.  There are some wonderful verses that can encourage those of us with strong willed children, to stay the course.  The first is Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse is a wonderful encouragement. It also reminds us that we are not training for today, we are training for the future.   We have 18 years to teach and train our children for adulthood, we need to keep our expectations there.  Especially those days we feel like we have repeated instructions several times.

The second set of verses that can encourage is Psalm 139.  These verses tell us that we were “fearfully and wonderfully made”, that God “knit us together”, and that all our days, even before they began, were known to God. This means that God gave our strong child this personality for a purpose.  Now we live in a fallen world and are tainted by sin. So our goal should not be to “break” our child but to help them become who God planned them to be, through teaching and training.

 

 

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Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 1 2018-05-03T10:43:28+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 3

2018-05-03T10:45:29+00:00

Finding Ways To Use That Determination For Good Things

People who are stubborn or determined, sometimes are the type of people who can get something in their head and cannot be swayed from it.  Another pitfall of this personality type is impulse control.  We can help train our children to put their determination to good use.  Determined people are the ones who run marathons, conquer Everest and bring about change in the world around them.  We have to help our children channel this gift.  Help them with impulse control.  A couple good areas to work on are time and money management.  For more on these three topics click here, here and here.

We can help by steering them into activities that take time and patience to help them hone their determination.  Help find what they are passionate about and show them how to use their determination to do something with this passion.  This can be especially true for our kids in their teen years.  Instead of getting frustrated with our child’s stubbornness look for creative ways to help them put it to good use.

 

For more, listen to today’s podcast.

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 3 2018-05-03T10:45:29+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 2

2018-05-03T10:44:40+00:00

The Key: Consistency

One of the house pops I had the privilege to work with in the residential homes at Sheridan House had a saying that he always used with the kids.  It was “hard heads learn the hard way.”  This seems to apply to all stubborn children.  Some seem to consistently test boundaries to make sure that they are always the same.  If we are not consistent with our rules, rewards and consequences it can lead to confusion.  Worse then that, it can be very detrimental to the training of our strong willed child.  Our no must mean no, every single time.  If we are not consistent it can teach them to look for the moments of weakness and exploit them, rather then learn the lesson we are trying to teach.  For example, if we have said to our children before entering the grocery store “we will not be buying ______ today,” we need to be prepared for our children to test this.  A strong willed child may even attempt a tantrum to see if you will give in.  If we do give in to save embarrassment in public then we have taught our child either the no doesn’t mean no when we aren’t at home, I can get what I want by pitching a fit, or both.  Consistency is key to training.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 2 2018-05-03T10:44:40+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 5

2018-05-03T12:56:29+00:00

Keep The End Result In Mind

We all need to remember that parenting is all about the process.  I have to remind myself that I am raising a child NOT a mini adult.  This is all about teaching and training and I need to keep that in mind in the day to day to keep my expectations realistic.  My goal is to raise a Godly, marriageable and employable adult.  When I keep this goal out in front of me it is easier to enjoy my relationship with my child now.  When I remember that it is all about the process of parenting and training for the future then I can enjoy my child as they are now in the stage they are now. This is key for the strong child.  I don’t want to “break” the will of my child.  I want them to have that amazing God giving quality.  It is my job to help bend and focus that will so they can become the adult God has designed them to be.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 5 2018-05-03T12:56:29+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5

2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

Series Wrap-up

Children thrive under consistent boundaries.  When parents are not on the same page these boundaries cannot be consistent.  It can ultimately make the child feel very insecure.  Children will even test this to see if mom and dad are on the same page.  There are many times when a child will go to one parent and ask for something, if the answer they receive is not to their liking they will then go to the other parent. There are even times they are bold enough to ask the second parent in front of the first.  We need to take these opportunities to support our spouse 100 percent.  We must present a united front and communicate that we truly are “one flesh.”

When dealing with a blending family this is even more important.  The natural parent must go out of their way and look for opportunities to support the leadership of their spouse.  Children, because of the new circumstances, will try even harder to see if their natural parent and stepparent are on the same page.  For these families the parenting staff meetings are all the more important as you are ultimately bringing more then two spouses together but two families.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5 2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4

2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

How To Work Together As Parents

What happens if my spouse and I continue to have difficulty seeing eye to eye on an issue?  For many families the children will have temperaments similar to one parent.  It is sometimes easy for that parent, with the similar temperament, to excuse the behavior of that child.  On some occasions the opposite occurs, the similar temperament parent is harder on that child because of the similarities.  This can cause disagreements when a parent is being too lax or too hard on a child.  During a parental staff meeting always keep your goals in the forefront of the conversation.   Some of the ultimate goals of parenting are raising a child to be a Godly adult and raising a child to be both marriageable and employable.

When there are disagreements on how to handle an issue you can look at it through the lens of the ultimate goals.  Ask yourself, is this an issue that will effect their future marriage/employment or is this merely something that I find annoying? Back talk can be one such issue.  One parent may feel that a child is merely expressing himself, where the other parent may feel it is disrespectful.  When looking through the lens of future success, back talk is not something that is tolerated by teachers or bosses.  This means that it is something that should be dealt with.  Keeping the big picture goals out in front of parenting will help to make the day-to-day decisions easier.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on what to do with disagreements on parenting.

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4 2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3

2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

Why Don’t We Like Conflict?

When the word conflict is brought up, it can bring with it many different emotions.  Some will avoid conflict at all costs and others like to argue just for arguing sake.  Disagreements can be healthy in a marriage if handled appropriately.  We cannot go into conflict competitively always out to win the argument.  There are even times when we need to take a step back and agree to disagree for the sake of peace.  What do we do, however, with parenting issues? Most of these issues have to have a middle ground between parents so they can be on the same page.    James 1:19 tells us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”    We must apply these principles to our parental staff meetings when there are areas of disagreement.  If we take a step back and listen to each other, we may realize that ultimately we are agreeing on the goal for this parenting issue and all we have to work out is the implementation.

Our focus must not be that either of us “wins” the argument but that ultimately our child “wins” because we have come together and hashed out the issue for their benefit.  If there are routine times set aside to discuss parenting then the staff meetings don’t have to be something that are dreaded.  The can even be something to be looked forward to if you take the time to set a positive atmosphere. Pray together before discussing, that God will use these times to make you stronger as a couple and as a family.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3 2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 2

2018-04-26T11:22:22+00:00

How Disagreements Can Be Good

It is very important that as parents we present a united front.  Our children need to see that we are a team.  If they go to one parent and ask permission to do something it should be the same answer that they would get from the other parent.  It is very detrimental for the family if the children learn that they will consistently get different answers from different parents.  Children are very smart and will quickly learn how to play one parent against each other. This is very frustrating and ultimately can even lead to marital problems.  The great thing is that this situation is very avoidable.

Yesterday we brought up the idea of the parental staff meeting.  Just like a staff meeting is vital for a strong company, it is vital for a strong parenting team. We discussed yesterday that we all come into marriage with different personalities.  In fact most of the time we marry our opposite.  This will cause us to see parenting from different points of view.  When brought together and talked through these differing views can help to strengthen the parenting team.  There has to be a time to discuss so that we are on the same page when addressing our children.

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 2 2018-04-26T11:22:22+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1

2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

What To Do When Parents Disagree?

Today’s parent has many challenges to face.  What do we do when one of those challenges is our spouse?  This week we will talk about what to do when we disagree on parenting issues.

Parenting can be one of those hot buttons for a marriage.  We all come into marriage with different expectations based on how we were raised.  Parenting can be an area where we have a hard time seeing eye to eye with our spouse for many reasons, expectations, personality and even our own exhaustion level.

How we choose to see these disagreements can have an effect on their outcome.   Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If we set aside time to have our weekly parenting staff meeting these disagreements can serve to spark conversation and ultimately make our parenting team stronger if we allow them to!

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1 2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00