Helping Your Pleaser Become a Leader

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 1


The Pleaser and the Barbarian

We have mentioned many times that when it comes to discipline children fall into two main categories, the pleaser and the barbarian. There will be differences from child to child because no two are identical. The barbarian child is also known as the strong willed child. They are the ones who if given an instruction may do the opposite just to see what happens or to see what mom and dad will do. The pleaser child is the one who doesn’t put up as much of a fight and seemingly falls under authority more easily.

There are benefits and difficulties with both. The barbarian may seem obvious that they tend to keep their parents on their toes especially in those early years. They are the ones who will definitely test to see if that “no” means “no” to see if there are inconsistencies. The pleaser child because they are seemingly falling right in line, are the ones who can overlooked especially when a parent has another child who is consistently testing the waters. If that happens a pleaser could then fall into a pattern of being manipulative or following the rules but only when someone is watching. This pleaser child is the one we are going to look at this week and discuss how we can bring out the best in this personality.



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 12018-05-10T13:32:12-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 2


How To Discipline a Pleaser

Children make mistakes, lots of them, because they are in training. Really, we all make mistakes because we are human. It is our job as parents to ride that balance of love and discipline.   In fact many have stated that to love is to discipline. We always have to make sure that we don’t become the consequence. This is especially devastating for the pleaser child. They will really feel their mistake emotionally, so for them to feel a detachment of relationship on top of everything is very hard. It is also imperative for the pleaser, that parent’s focus on repairing the relationship after handing out the consequence. We want to communicate that while we may be disappointed in the choice that they made, we are not disappointed in who they are. There is a big difference between the two that we have to be sure to communicate.

Click here for our series on separating the relationship and the discipline.



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 22018-05-10T13:32:57-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 3


It’s Never Too Late

This should be one of our parenting mantras. It is never too late for our child, it is never too late to do the right thing, and it is never to late to start to make different choices as parents. Almost all parents, especially moms, deal with guilt of some kind. When we fail at parenting we deal with a lot of guilt. There is no such thing as a perfect parent here on earth, on some level knowing that fact helps in the day to day. I will mess up as a parent, I just need to make sure that I set the example to apologize and alter my behavior. One of the areas that it is easy to feel like you failed at, is discipline. It is so easy to get emotionally involved, yell at your child, and become the consequence. What happens if this has been the pattern of discipline for years? For all children but especially the pleaser child, you must work to restore and pursue relationship. It’s worth repeating, that a child must know that while we may be disappointed in their choices, we are not disappointed in who they are. We communicate this by pursuing them relationally. Make sure to prioritize one on one time with your children. Take the time to sit with them on their beds at night. Unplug when you are home to give them undivided attention. And make time for fun! These are all ways to help your child know they are worth it!



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 32018-05-10T13:33:41-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 4


Training Them To Make Decisions

Having difficulty making decisions can be a pitfall of the pleaser child.   Some can be almost immobilized by the thought of making the wrong choice, so they shy away from making any choice. Make sure to allow your child to make decisions, as pain staking as that is at times, rather then jumping in and doing it for them. Click here to see our week-long series on raising a wise decision maker.


Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 42018-05-10T13:34:27-04:00