Peers Vs. Parents

Who Is The Primary Influencer in Your Child’s Life?

2017-09-05T15:00:31+00:00

Part of parenting is learning to let go and training your child to handle independence well.  With this journey, as our children gain more and more independence, there are other things that can begin to have influence on them.  We need to first be aware of who or what these influences are and then look at how they are influencing our child.  Are they positive or negative?  Who is showing them what “normal” is?

Where do these “influencers” come from?  There are many options such as home, school, church, sports and activities, extended family and the internet.  Thankfully most teens still report that their parents have the most influence on their lives.  We need to instill in our children the importance of playing for one Audience, their Creator.

“Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. “  NIV

Check back this week as we look at what we can do as parents to help our child know how to filter through peer pressure and listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Who Is The Primary Influencer in Your Child’s Life? 2017-09-05T15:00:31+00:00

When Parents Lose Their Influence

2017-09-05T15:01:28+00:00

We mentioned yesterday that many teens report that parents are still a major influence in their lives but are there things that can happen to cause parents to loose influence in their children’s lives?  The answer is sadly yes, there are a few ways this can happen.  First, when the relationship is not a priority it is hard for a parent to have a high level of respect and influence in their child’s life.  Relationship takes time. One of the ways we can give our child one on one time is “dating” our children.  Taking time out to spend with them individually to give them a chance to open up and talk.  Children are very intuitive when the relationship isn’t a priority they can sense it and it causes them to feel devalued to their parents.  Another way that we loose influence may seem counter-intuitive, it happens when we don’t have a plan for discipline.  Children thrive in structure and they function best when they know what to expect.  When we don’t have boundaries set up and clearly communicated consequences and rewards in place the relationship can suffer.  It is easy for the parent to become the consequence in this scenario because they may have to fall back on yelling or using the relationship as a consequence. Click here and here for more on both these topics.

It is easy to see that when the parent/child relationship suffers we loose influence in our children’s lives.  Listen to today’s podcast for more on this.

When Parents Lose Their Influence 2017-09-05T15:01:28+00:00

Helping Your Child Deal with Peer Pressure

2017-09-05T15:01:51+00:00

In order to help our children we must first ask the question what is peer pressure? The phrase peer pressure is a reference to when the people around us (in this case around our children) influence us to act in a certain way that we might not act if it weren’t for them. As parents it is tempting to want to give up sometimes when it comes to competing with peers as the primary influencers of our children.  This whole concept of peer pressure is predicated upon the thought that peers automatically have a greater influence than anyone else. There are many forces of influence that impact the behavior or thinking of our children.  The first is self.  A thought process may go something like, “I won’t do that because, I don’t want to, it’s wrong, or I fear the consequences.” The opposing thought process being “as wrong as I know that is to do, I want to do it.” This would show no impulse control or desire for impulse control. (Click here for more teaching your child impulse control.)  The second is family; “I won’t do that because of the impact it will have upon my family.” With the opposing thought process to this being, “ my family doesn’t care, won’t know, or is so busy and removed that this behavior will get their attention.” Another is God, with the thinking “God has a better plan for me and I don’t want to step out of God’s will for my life.” The final influence would be peers or culture around our child.  Either the thinking will be “The culture around me says this is right so it must be,” or “I know because of what I have been taught the culture around me is wrong.”

We can see that there are many influences on our children we must be conscious to instill values in our children so they know right from wrong and can navigate the pressures around them.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more.

Helping Your Child Deal with Peer Pressure 2017-09-05T15:01:51+00:00

The Importance of Affirmation

2017-10-05T13:00:16+00:00

We all look for affirmation from some one or some group.  God gave us the family as a support system and a healthy place to receive affirmation that we are “worth it.” A problem arises when a child doesn’t receive the affirmation they need from home.  There are many reasons this can happen. The family becomes so busy that it doesn’t have the time for affirmation. Some parents don’t see the need for affirmation.  Other parents fall into the trap of only affirming performance.  For example, good grades, sports or good behavior.  Click here for more on performance oriented parenting.

When a person doesn’t feel affirmed for who they are, not what they do, at home they will look elsewhere for that affirmation that they are valuable.  What use to be inner city gangs have now become more wide spread, why? The answer is needy kids.  Today’s child is lonelier then ever.   They live in a busier family then ever before, they are thrown into a peer environment more then ever and they have been introduced to the cyber world.  This child has been set up to crave the affirmation of their peers/culture more then their parents.  Affirmation is vital to all members of the family unit.  Make sure you are being intentional about affirmation.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

The Importance of Affirmation 2017-10-05T13:00:16+00:00

The Importance of Family

2017-10-05T13:00:23+00:00

We all look for affirmation from some one or some group.  God gave us the family as a support system and a healthy place to receive affirmation that we are “worth it.” A problem arises when a child doesn’t receive the affirmation they need from home.  There are many reasons this can happen. The family becomes so busy that it doesn’t have the time for affirmation. Some parents don’t see the need for affirmation.  Other parents fall into the trap of only affirming performance.  For example, good grades, sports or good behavior.  Click here for more on performance oriented parenting.

When a person doesn’t feel affirmed for who they are, not what they do, at home they will look elsewhere for that affirmation that they are valuable.  What use to be inner city gangs have now become more wide spread, why? The answer is needy kids.  Today’s child is lonelier then ever.   They live in a busier family then ever before, they are thrown into a peer environment more then ever and they have been introduced to the cyber world.  This child has been set up to crave the affirmation of their peers/culture more then their parents.  Affirmation is vital to all members of the family unit.  Make sure you are being intentional about affirmation.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

The Importance of Family 2017-10-05T13:00:23+00:00