Raising Boys

Raising Boys | Part 1


The Difference From Raising Girls

On some levels of society we want to shy away from gender stereotyping but then if you look into the world of toys there are few gender neutral toys. Wandering through the toy section at a Target for example you can see the girl’s isles are an explosion of pink, dress up and dolls of all varieties. The boy’s isles are dark colors cars, trains, super heroes or warriors and Nerf guns. This in and of itself would suggest that boys and girls are different in their tastes. I have had the privilege of working in the residential homes at Sheridan House. The girls homes as a behavioral specialist for almost 10 years and then as a house parent in the boys homes. It was amazing to be able to observe the differences in teens of the same age. The girls were driven mostly by relational rewards; and the boys by “at-a-boys” and trophies. The girls wanted to stay up late for the privilege of sitting in my office and talking or painting nails. The boys wanted to stay up late to have the privilege of playing xbox or pool. So if we were to generalize and sum up a difference between the genders, girls are relational creatures while boys are conquerors. In order to create appropriate parenting plans we need to know what makes them tick. This week we are going to unpack what it means to raise boys.


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Raising Boys | Part 12017-10-05T11:20:24-04:00

Raising Boys | Part 2


Over-Mothering Your Boy – Part 1

One of the pitfalls to avoid is over mothering. There are many reasons where this may be the case. Culturally, it may be how the parent observed all boys raised. As a single mom it would be easy to over mother the opposite gender in the desire to raise them right. Many parents in a reaction to the culture, are tempted to over parent or become helicopter parents with the goal of protecting the children from the world around them. Clearly, you want to make sure that you are doing everything that you can to keep your child safe but we must find the balance especially as moms to not crush their conqueror and explorer hearts.   We need to be able to find an outlet for them to run, jump and explore. My youngest, for example, is like a bull in a china closet. He wants to jump off everything. Now obviously, as a three year old it isn’t appropriate for me to allow him to jump off the top of a playground. I must find the balance however, of wanting to run around behind him saying ,”oh!”, “be careful!” and “watch out”. I need to give him space as he grows and not hover, keeping a watchful eye of course, but allow him to “conquer” the playground or tree. We want to raise boys who can be conquerors or heroes where God calls them.


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Raising Boys | Part 22017-10-05T11:20:45-04:00

Raising Boys | Part 3


Over-Mothering Your Boy- Part 2

Yesterday, we discussed how it is easy to fall into the trap of over mothering your son. Like we stated boys have a God given desire to be conquerors or adventures. So how do we allow for that spirit while keeping appropriate expectations. If you think about it, there are some societal expectations that are unrealistic for some boys. Take school, boys having to sit still at a desk for long periods may be hard for them. So when your son gets home make sure he has time to get some energy out. If not there may be some behavior problems around dinner time from pent up energy.

To make sure that you are not hovering over your son make sure to clearly communicate your expectations and the rewards and consequences for behavior ahead of time. Then take a step back and allow him to choose. Utilizing your parenting plan is imperative to avoid the over-mothering trap. For more on creating a parenting plan, click here.


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Raising Boys | Part 32017-10-05T11:20:54-04:00

Raising Boys | Part 4


Protecting Their Eyes

This topic may be one of the biggest things to strike fear into a mother’s heart, well and the thought of their son behind the wheel of a car. We cannot deny the prevalence of issues like pornography in our society. The mainstream world has become a lot more accepting of pornography. It is loosing is stigma and in some places viewed as normal. With the invention of the internet and smart-phones we are in a time where it has become unbelievably accessible. There are even apps available whose purpose is to create a place for “sexting”. It is can be very overwhelming and make a parent want to bury their head in the sand. But for the protection of our sons we can’t.

One of the first things we can do as parents is to create boundaries. Computers should be in family areas like the living room and not the bedroom. Phones should be plugged in overnight, not in a bedroom. You can even put restrictions and passwords on things like Ipads and computers to protect younger children from wandering accidentally. The biggest thing we can do as a parent is teach them the “why”. Why fight this battle? If I don’t know the “why this is important”, I won’t go to the effort to fight it. We need to raise our children to love and serve Christ. This is “caught and taught” by the people closest to them, their family. God gives us the mandate and the how to do this in Deuteronomy 6:5-9. Take the time to read through this passage and think through how you can realistically apply it to your family.

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Raising Boys | Part 42017-10-05T11:20:59-04:00