When Parents Don't Agree

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1

2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

What To Do When Parents Disagree?

Today’s parent has many challenges to face.  What do we do when one of those challenges is our spouse?  This week we will talk about what to do when we disagree on parenting issues.

Parenting can be one of those hot buttons for a marriage.  We all come into marriage with different expectations based on how we were raised.  Parenting can be an area where we have a hard time seeing eye to eye with our spouse for many reasons, expectations, personality and even our own exhaustion level.

How we choose to see these disagreements can have an effect on their outcome.   Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If we set aside time to have our weekly parenting staff meeting these disagreements can serve to spark conversation and ultimately make our parenting team stronger if we allow them to!

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 1 2018-04-26T11:21:23+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 2

2018-04-26T11:22:22+00:00

How Disagreements Can Be Good

It is very important that as parents we present a united front.  Our children need to see that we are a team.  If they go to one parent and ask permission to do something it should be the same answer that they would get from the other parent.  It is very detrimental for the family if the children learn that they will consistently get different answers from different parents.  Children are very smart and will quickly learn how to play one parent against each other. This is very frustrating and ultimately can even lead to marital problems.  The great thing is that this situation is very avoidable.

Yesterday we brought up the idea of the parental staff meeting.  Just like a staff meeting is vital for a strong company, it is vital for a strong parenting team. We discussed yesterday that we all come into marriage with different personalities.  In fact most of the time we marry our opposite.  This will cause us to see parenting from different points of view.  When brought together and talked through these differing views can help to strengthen the parenting team.  There has to be a time to discuss so that we are on the same page when addressing our children.

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 2 2018-04-26T11:22:22+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3

2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

Why Don’t We Like Conflict?

When the word conflict is brought up, it can bring with it many different emotions.  Some will avoid conflict at all costs and others like to argue just for arguing sake.  Disagreements can be healthy in a marriage if handled appropriately.  We cannot go into conflict competitively always out to win the argument.  There are even times when we need to take a step back and agree to disagree for the sake of peace.  What do we do, however, with parenting issues? Most of these issues have to have a middle ground between parents so they can be on the same page.    James 1:19 tells us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”    We must apply these principles to our parental staff meetings when there are areas of disagreement.  If we take a step back and listen to each other, we may realize that ultimately we are agreeing on the goal for this parenting issue and all we have to work out is the implementation.

Our focus must not be that either of us “wins” the argument but that ultimately our child “wins” because we have come together and hashed out the issue for their benefit.  If there are routine times set aside to discuss parenting then the staff meetings don’t have to be something that are dreaded.  The can even be something to be looked forward to if you take the time to set a positive atmosphere. Pray together before discussing, that God will use these times to make you stronger as a couple and as a family.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 3 2018-04-26T11:23:17+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4

2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

How To Work Together As Parents

What happens if my spouse and I continue to have difficulty seeing eye to eye on an issue?  For many families the children will have temperaments similar to one parent.  It is sometimes easy for that parent, with the similar temperament, to excuse the behavior of that child.  On some occasions the opposite occurs, the similar temperament parent is harder on that child because of the similarities.  This can cause disagreements when a parent is being too lax or too hard on a child.  During a parental staff meeting always keep your goals in the forefront of the conversation.   Some of the ultimate goals of parenting are raising a child to be a Godly adult and raising a child to be both marriageable and employable.

When there are disagreements on how to handle an issue you can look at it through the lens of the ultimate goals.  Ask yourself, is this an issue that will effect their future marriage/employment or is this merely something that I find annoying? Back talk can be one such issue.  One parent may feel that a child is merely expressing himself, where the other parent may feel it is disrespectful.  When looking through the lens of future success, back talk is not something that is tolerated by teachers or bosses.  This means that it is something that should be dealt with.  Keeping the big picture goals out in front of parenting will help to make the day-to-day decisions easier.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on what to do with disagreements on parenting.

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 4 2018-04-26T11:23:54+00:00

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5

2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00

Series Wrap-up

Children thrive under consistent boundaries.  When parents are not on the same page these boundaries cannot be consistent.  It can ultimately make the child feel very insecure.  Children will even test this to see if mom and dad are on the same page.  There are many times when a child will go to one parent and ask for something, if the answer they receive is not to their liking they will then go to the other parent. There are even times they are bold enough to ask the second parent in front of the first.  We need to take these opportunities to support our spouse 100 percent.  We must present a united front and communicate that we truly are “one flesh.”

When dealing with a blending family this is even more important.  The natural parent must go out of their way and look for opportunities to support the leadership of their spouse.  Children, because of the new circumstances, will try even harder to see if their natural parent and stepparent are on the same page.  For these families the parenting staff meetings are all the more important as you are ultimately bringing more then two spouses together but two families.

 

 

When Parents Don’t Agree – Part 5 2018-04-26T11:24:49+00:00