The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


When There Is No Return On Your Investment

First we need to clarify what this means.  What we are discussing today is when it feels like one spouse is investing more then the other.  This is not when there are major sin issues, affairs, or abuse these are areas which need professional guidance.  This is simply a period of time in a marriage where one spouse may be working harder on the marriage then the other.

There are some actions that we can take during this time.  The first thing we need to be doing, and often times it is sadly our last resort, is prayer.  We need to be praying for our spouse, marriage and areas we can do better to serve our spouse.  Next we can decide who we are truly doing this for.  If we are doing marriage to meet our needs then we will be disappointed.  Our focus should be to serve our spouse, because by doing this we are ultimately serving Christ.  Something that will help as well is to “take captive every thought”.  If there are negative thoughts about your spouse choose to focus on positives.  What do they do well? Are they a great parent, hard worker, anything that is a positive trait that you can focus on and be grateful for.  These are just a few ideas, for more things to do listen to today’s podcast.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 52018-11-07T11:30:10-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Affection & The Need For Activity

Even though some people may be more “touchy feely” we all need affection to feel loved.  We also need to have a sense of fun in the relationship.  This is accomplished through activity together.  These two are examples of areas that couples are so good about while they are dating.  You tell “honeymoon” phase of a relationship because first, they can’t keep their hands off each other and second they do everything together.  These areas can get lost in the shuffle of busy married life if we are not careful.  We must be intentional to make sure that both the areas of affection and fun activity happen in our marriage.  Make sure to listen to today’s podcast to hear more about these two important topics.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 42018-11-07T11:28:52-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Admiration

It is amazing when you are dating and the relationship is new how your significant other can seem to do no wrong, and even when they do it is easily glossed over.  Equally amazing how that changes quickly in a marriage and almost reverses.  It is easy to pick at your spouse for small petty things.  This is why our need for admiration is so important to remember, because nitpicking undermines this.  Men need to feel admiration and respect from their wives.  They need to feel that they are doing a great job protecting, providing for and leading their family.  Even if there are times when they are not, they will be much more apt to discuss if they have felt their wives continued respect.  Women need to feel their husband’s love and admiration.  They still need to feel beautiful to their husbands, feel protected and cherished.  When God gave us Ephesians 5 as a road map for this there were no conditions.  It doesn’t say husband love your wives as Christ loved the church and wives respect your husbands but only as much as they deserve your love and respect.  It is unconditional.  This reveals the deep need for both spouses to feel admiration.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 32018-11-07T11:27:56-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Attention & The Need For Acceptance

We all have basic needs as spouses.  With our focus this week on being proactive, a great place to start is to look at the needs of our spouse and do what we can to meet them.  The first basic need of both spouses is the need for attention.  This is especially important in today’s digital age.  Sadly, there have been times where I have seen a couple out to dinner both on their cell phones.  We must find a way to communicate to our spouse that there are specific times where they can have our undivided attention.

The second area is the need for acceptance. Our spouse needs to feel that they are loved for who they are unconditionally.  It is not our job to change who our spouse is.  God brings two people together who usually have very different strengths.   This is because the two can become one and become an amazing team.    It is so much easier for our spouse to feel our acceptance, if instead of looking at the areas we feel they need to change, we focus on how best we can serve.   Being proactive to meet the needs of your spouse is extremely important.  Look for ways you can serve your spouse today.



The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 22018-11-07T11:26:56-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


The Need To Set Boundaries

With everything going on in the world around us it is easy to see how important placing boundaries around your marriage is.  We must be proactive to protect our relationship with our spouse.  This is such an important topic we spent a week discussing itClick here to check out our series on boundaries in marriage.  Be sure to check back tomorrow as we begin to discuss the Five “A’s” or areas of need in a marriage.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 12018-11-07T12:26:34-04:00

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 5


Good Boundaries In The Work Environment

As we have discussed this week, boundaries are something that have to be consistently dialoged about.  We need to be open to talk through the things that make our spouse feel uncomfortable.  Even if they don’t make sense to us, most things will be small things to give up for the sake trust in our relationship.  The work place needs to be a place that we are consistently aware of this.  It is the place, other then home, that we spend most of our time.  Make sure to process through what appropriate boundaries are for dealing with coworkers of the opposite sex.

One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is, not only to have a good defense or boundaries, but a good offence.  Make sure that you are constantly building, putting time and effort into the relationship.  This is a good way to protect either spouse from being vulnerable.  Someone once told me “you never want to send your spouse hungry into a pastry shop.”   This is true of both emotional and physical needs.  Make sure to make your marriage a priority and take the time to set up boundaries to protect it!


For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 52018-11-07T12:24:48-04:00

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 4


Boundaries Are Trust Builders

With the influx of social media, texting, and internet usage, it creates a whole new set if issues with regards to boundaries.   A sense of openness with our spouses on the use of technology, creates trust.  We shouldn’t have anything that is “off limits” to our spouse.   If we have any texts, emails or interactions on social media that we don’t feel comfortable with our spouse looking at, then we need to reevaluate what we are doing.  We must set boundaries with who we interact with in social media, how we are going to handle texts, and chatting with those of the opposite sex.  These can be areas of danger if we are not careful.  Make sure to have a conversation with your spouse about how you are going to set up boundaries with regards to these issues.  Remember the verse in Genesis discussing being “naked and not ashamed” was not a physical reference.  It was talking about complete openness and honesty with the other person.  Setting up boundaries allows us to do this.


For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 42018-11-07T12:24:32-04:00

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 3


Starting The Conversation

Having the conversation about how to place boundaries can be very intimidating.  Because it is so important to do we need to prepare ourselves to make sure that we are approaching it correctly.  This could be an area that spouses may not agree 100 percent.  We need to make sure that how we approach the topic is correct.  If we go in accusatory, “the way you are handling this…”, it will probably make our spouse defensive and end up creating an argument.  Remember, we want to place boundaries around our marriage not tear down our own walls in the process.   We want to go into the discussion open and vulnerable.   There may even be a reason why one spouse is feeling insecure about an area.  It may be good to approach the topic from that perspective.  For example, maybe the wife has a friend whose spouse just left her for another woman.  A good way to bring up the topic of boundaries would be, “because of what happened with so and so, I’m feeling insecure.  It is nothing that you have done and I trust you, it’s just me right now.  Can we talk about some things that would help me to move past this insecurity?”

Make sure to have this conversation so that both spouses can be on the same page on how to place boundaries.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 32018-11-07T12:24:21-04:00

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 2


Your Marriage Is Under Attack

As Christians we need to fervently protect our marriages.   We mentioned the verse yesterday that talks about the Devil being like a lion prowling and waiting to attack.  What a better way to devastate many people then to take down a marriage.  Not only are the spouses affected but the children, extended family and even people around them.  Many of us have observed or even felt the impact first hand of a pastor whose marriage has fallen apart.  This is an area that can have devastating and widely reaching consequences.  In Ephesians 6, it talks about the armor of God and how we protect ourselves from attacks.  The original language implies that our areas of weakness or Achilles’ heel are known.  We must make sure that we don’t get lazy in placing boundaries or think that this can never happen to us.  No one is immune.  We also need to analyze ourselves to see what maybe an area of weakness.  Are there perceived or real needs not being met by our spouse that may make us vulnerable?  Make this a priority to see what boundaries you need to strengthen around your marriage.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.


Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 22018-11-07T12:24:07-04:00

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 1


Setting Boundaries For Your Marriage

Because marriage is the foundation for development of the children that live within a family, it is important to discuss how to protect it.  No parent will get up in the morning and think, “hmm, I think I will try to have an affair today and hurt the other members of my family.”  So how does it happen? Most of the time it is a slow and gradual process that happens because we did not place boundaries up to protect our marriage from it.  Why is this a difficult process to place boundaries?  It is not cultural.  Our culture is extremely sensual and doesn’t like rules imposed on it, this is not a good combination.  Because it is not cultural we are mostly untrained on how to set up these boundaries or what they should look like.  Remember that if you don’t take the time to do this God reminds us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour.”

We will spend the rest of this week discussing how to place these important boundaries around your marriage.


For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Protecting My Marriage With Boundaries | Part 12018-11-07T12:23:53-04:00