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Making Kids The Priority and Resources

We mentioned yesterday how as parents our children must be our priority.  Today we are just going to ask some questions to process in order to keep our children a priority as well as some resources if you need more information/support on the topic of divorce.

The questions are… Have I dealt with my baggage?

Am I am careful what I am saying around and to my children?

Am I going slow through this process and not expecting a quick fix?

Is this really what God wants me /us to do?

What will I be glad I did years from now?

Here are some resources for more information

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, By Jydith Wallerstein

Helping The Child With Divorce, by Neal Buchanan and Eugene Chamberlain

Divorce And The Children, by H.S. Vigeveno and Anne Claire

Growing Up Divorced, by Linda Bird Francke

Divorce Care, by Steve Grissom and Kathy Leonard

The Divorce Decision, by Gary Richmond

As always listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

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Weird Dynamics and Startling Statistics

Marriage teaches us many things such as what commitment its, what love looks like, and how to sacrifice for others.  When a divorce takes place it undermines the teaching of these traits. This happens especially if there are weird parent dynamics after the divorce.  This period of adjustment is very strange and painful for all involved.  We put our children in an even worse position if we begin to react immaturely to the situation.  This especially needs to be a time where the children’s needs are placed above the needs of the parent.  It is very easy for parents to take an “I deserve” attitude because of what they have been through, but we must be very careful to guard our children from any venom spewed toward the other parent.  We must keep in mind all of the adjustment our child is going through.  Not having both parents around all the time, or visiting and seeing a parent at another house.   Even as time goes on and dating happens, we must choose to keep our children on the forefront of our brain.  Choose to see all changes through their eyes and resist the temptation to put our needs first, even though there is our own pain to work through.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight and statistics on the topic of divorce.

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What Divorce Does To The Security of a Child.

Another difficult issue that we must examine is, what does divorce do to the security of the child.  Again, the reason why it is important to address these issues is the fact that the more knowledge that we have about a topics like this the more we know how to help children around us.

The family is suppose to and to designed to be the soil/foundation from which the child grows.  They gain emotional nourishment and support from family in order to thrive.  When the family structure is torn apart their foundation is rocked.  This impacts their sense of security and belonging.

We can see the impact of divorce on the sense of security through the stages that children of divorce go through.  Infants/Babies-go through the age of helplessness.  You can observe this when they become more clingy/needy and less independent.  The preschool/early childhood children go through the age of guilt.  Because they are so young, they cannot emotionally process what is going on and take on the guilt of the situation.  Older children grieve the situation, which is why they go through the age of sadness.  Preteens grieve the situation through anger, which is why their stage is called the age of anger.  Teenagers, as we can see all through out today’s society, go through the age of false maturity.

There are many reasons behind, as well as actions exhibited, through each of these phases, for more listen to today’s podcast.

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The Reason Divorce Impacts The Child

Today’s topic is a painful one but it must be touched on. We must look at the reason behind divorce playing a role in the development of the child. While any reason can be devastating each situation brings its own set of complications.  The myth that we are no longer compatible as a reason for divorce, can cause the child to question their own value.  They may wonder if they were not enough for mom and dad to work things out.  It is sad that they would place those kinds of questions on their own shoulders but  can be the reality of this difficult situation.

The sin of violence or abusive situation can be obviously extremely detrimental to a child emotionally.  It can rock them to their very core the fact that the one who was suppose to be their protector is the one inflicting pain on either themselves or other family members.

Other reasons behind divorce may or may not be information that the child has access to.  Certain addictions such as pornography are usually things that are kept behind closed doors.  Even marital infidelity may be something that the child has no knowledge of.  If they do know about it, again this knowledge can be even more devastating to a child.  I am reminded of the poignant scene in the movie “Hope Floats” where the little girl finally grasps that her daddy is leaving for good and not taking her with him because he is beginning a life with the woman he had an affair with.

For more insight on this very difficult topic listen to today’s podcast.

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Are Children Really Better Off After A Divorce?

The topic of divorce is a difficult one.  There are many emotions that it brings up for people, so many have survived their parents divorce and even their own.  Because the divorce rate in society is so high it is a topic that we must discuss and how it impacts children.   Even if your family is intact it would stand to reason that someone very close to you has been through or is going through a divorce, which is why this topic is something that impacts all of us.  We cannot turn a blind eye to what this difficult topic does to the children it impacts.  The more knowledge we arm ourselves with the better chance we have in helping the children around us.

We have all heard people make the statement, “ the children will be better off after we et divorced.”  While in some cases that is true, such as cases of abuse or infidelity, that cannot or will not be corrected, or anything that would put the child in danger.  But we do need to realize that children will most definitely be impacted by divorce.  A marriage aids in the security of a child and a parenting team  communicates consistency and commitment.  When this is torn apart it is very easy for a child to not only blame themselves for what happened but feel the rejection of the parents.  It is a very difficult thing for a child to process through.  Which is why we will be spending the week to better understand this impact on the child.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of divorce.

Podcast: Download