difficult

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 5

2018-07-26T11:17:49+00:00

Don’t Teach Them To Love and Respect God

How are we living out our faith in front of our children? Are we a family who lives out what it means to have a relationship with Jesus or are we merely a family who follows a list of religious do’s and don’ts?  Is this relationship something that permeates all aspects of our family life or is it simply something we do on Sunday? The very core and center of what we do, should be focused on opportunities to teach our child about Christ. For more on this click here to see our week long series on how to raise a disciple.

Always check out the podcast for more insight.

 

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 5 2018-07-26T11:17:49+00:00

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 4

2018-07-26T11:16:40+00:00

Let The Culture Around You Dictate Your Parenting Plan

There are several areas we can allow the culture to impact how we parent.  The first is keeping a crazy schedule.  It seems like there is a belief that if I keep my children busy they won’t get into trouble.  The problem with that is then training your child gets placed on the back burner.  Another area of cultural influence can be the concept of all work and no play.  With all the busyness and homework in our children’s lives we must make sure to carve out time for family fun.  Our culture also seems to have our children growing up too fast.  We need to remember that our children are still children.  We need to have realistic expectations of what they are capable of but have a plan for when unacceptable childish behavior happens.  Parents have to be sure to work as a team to create the plan for training their children.  We must set aside a time to talk as a team weekly, to make sure that we are on and stay on the same page.  This is just the “tip of the iceberg” of areas we can let culture impact our parenting.  Even if it is counter cultural we must make parenting our children one of our top priorities behind our relationship with God and our spouse.  Take time out to evaluate how you may be allowing culture to influence your parenting.

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 4 2018-07-26T11:16:40+00:00

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 3

2018-07-26T11:15:40+00:00

Get Your Own Issues In the Way of Your Parenting

Because this is so easy to do, we probably need to constantly monitor to make sure that we aren’t allowing our issues to impact our parenting.  This battle may be greater then ever before.  One of the issues that can impact how we parent, is the temptation to compare our children to others. To feel superior or defeated by how our child “stacks up” to children around them. That is far too much pressure to put on our child. It is also attempting to meet our self worth needs through the performance of our child. Another area where we can be tempted to find our self worth, is how we are performing. While pinterest has been an amazing place to find ideas to help all areas of home life, it can also add a lot of pressure. Pressure to make sure we are organizing like this, cooking like that, creatively crafting with our children and making every holiday an extreme blow out. While all of these things can be good, we cannot allow ourselves to get wrapped up in this and miss the important parts of parenting, such as being there for our kids, listening to their hearts and simply spending time with them. These are just a few small examples of how we can let our own issues get in the way of parenting and make it harder.

 

 

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 3 2018-07-26T11:15:40+00:00

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 2

2018-07-26T11:14:39+00:00

Don’t Prepare Them To Become Adults

The whole goal of parenting should be to raise Godly children who will become responsible adults. This will make them marriageable and employable.  To do this we should be giving them more and more responsibilities as they age. They can earn more privileges and freedoms as they prove themselves responsible.  Sometimes this means allowing natural consequences to occur.  It is tempting for us to fall into the trap of rescuing our children.  If we keep rescuing our child for something like forgetting their homework, we are actually enabling their irresponsibility.  We also need to hold them accountable, make sure they are doing what they say and following instructions.  Another area we need to be working on with our children is teaching them how to share, give and sacrifice for others.  This is an extremely important lesson to have learned before going into marriage.  Siblings help a parent to train in these lessons.  Make sure you are encouraging and applauding when you see one child sacrificing, no matter how small, for their sibling.  Keep the end goal of parenting at the forefront of your mind and remember that we are raising our children for adulthood.

 

 

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 2 2018-07-26T11:14:39+00:00

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 1

2018-07-26T11:12:33+00:00

Don’t Teach Them To Respect Authority

Many have said that parenting isn’t for the feint of heart.  Parenting is hard work! Unfortunately, there are things that we can do to make it much more difficult then it has to be.  The first thing that will make life a lot more difficult is to not instill respect for authority in our children.  This can make things much more difficult at home and sets our child up for failure, not only at school but as an adult.  This is such an important issue we spent a week discussing how and why to teach respect to your children.  Click here to see that series.

 

Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 1 2018-07-26T11:12:33+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 4

2018-05-03T10:46:15+00:00

The Difference Between Determined And Rebellious

Both types of child can seem similar but the difference may be in the root of what they want.  A determined child is passionate for what they want.  The strong willed child may fight to get their way.  This is pride coming out, they will battle for their way regardless.  They don’t like being told no.  Another type of child is the angry child; they battle authority because they are angry.  When dealing with toddlers there may be some overlap of these three just from the natural push back of that age.  As children get older and training kicks in the determined child’s passion can be seen for what it is.  Passion for things they believe in.  Like we said yesterday, we need to help our child learn to channel that good quality and not get discouraged. The trained, determined child will be the child/teen who won’t easily quit or give up, can endure failures and come back, and isn’t afraid to risk failure. Determination at its best is doing your part, staying with it, never quitting and then trusting God for the results. This is what we want to instill in our children.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 4 2018-05-03T10:46:15+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 1

2018-05-03T10:43:28+00:00

Your Child Is Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day battles with a strong child and get tired, even frustrated.  There are some wonderful verses that can encourage those of us with strong willed children, to stay the course.  The first is Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse is a wonderful encouragement. It also reminds us that we are not training for today, we are training for the future.   We have 18 years to teach and train our children for adulthood, we need to keep our expectations there.  Especially those days we feel like we have repeated instructions several times.

The second set of verses that can encourage is Psalm 139.  These verses tell us that we were “fearfully and wonderfully made”, that God “knit us together”, and that all our days, even before they began, were known to God. This means that God gave our strong child this personality for a purpose.  Now we live in a fallen world and are tainted by sin. So our goal should not be to “break” our child but to help them become who God planned them to be, through teaching and training.

 

 

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Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 1 2018-05-03T10:43:28+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 3

2018-05-03T10:45:29+00:00

Finding Ways To Use That Determination For Good Things

People who are stubborn or determined, sometimes are the type of people who can get something in their head and cannot be swayed from it.  Another pitfall of this personality type is impulse control.  We can help train our children to put their determination to good use.  Determined people are the ones who run marathons, conquer Everest and bring about change in the world around them.  We have to help our children channel this gift.  Help them with impulse control.  A couple good areas to work on are time and money management.  For more on these three topics click here, here and here.

We can help by steering them into activities that take time and patience to help them hone their determination.  Help find what they are passionate about and show them how to use their determination to do something with this passion.  This can be especially true for our kids in their teen years.  Instead of getting frustrated with our child’s stubbornness look for creative ways to help them put it to good use.

 

For more, listen to today’s podcast.

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 3 2018-05-03T10:45:29+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 2

2018-05-03T10:44:40+00:00

The Key: Consistency

One of the house pops I had the privilege to work with in the residential homes at Sheridan House had a saying that he always used with the kids.  It was “hard heads learn the hard way.”  This seems to apply to all stubborn children.  Some seem to consistently test boundaries to make sure that they are always the same.  If we are not consistent with our rules, rewards and consequences it can lead to confusion.  Worse then that, it can be very detrimental to the training of our strong willed child.  Our no must mean no, every single time.  If we are not consistent it can teach them to look for the moments of weakness and exploit them, rather then learn the lesson we are trying to teach.  For example, if we have said to our children before entering the grocery store “we will not be buying ______ today,” we need to be prepared for our children to test this.  A strong willed child may even attempt a tantrum to see if you will give in.  If we do give in to save embarrassment in public then we have taught our child either the no doesn’t mean no when we aren’t at home, I can get what I want by pitching a fit, or both.  Consistency is key to training.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 2 2018-05-03T10:44:40+00:00

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 5

2018-05-03T12:56:29+00:00

Keep The End Result In Mind

We all need to remember that parenting is all about the process.  I have to remind myself that I am raising a child NOT a mini adult.  This is all about teaching and training and I need to keep that in mind in the day to day to keep my expectations realistic.  My goal is to raise a Godly, marriageable and employable adult.  When I keep this goal out in front of me it is easier to enjoy my relationship with my child now.  When I remember that it is all about the process of parenting and training for the future then I can enjoy my child as they are now in the stage they are now. This is key for the strong child.  I don’t want to “break” the will of my child.  I want them to have that amazing God giving quality.  It is my job to help bend and focus that will so they can become the adult God has designed them to be.

 

 

Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 5 2018-05-03T12:56:29+00:00