discipline

The Discipline of Change | Part 5

2018-01-04T11:54:55+00:00

Why This Process is So Important

Through out parenting we have to remember that it is about the process not the end result.  Teaching our child how to have the discipline to make changes is very important even if the fall short of the original goal.  It is more about the process and discipline.  For those of us who are more end result type people it may help us to focus on why it is so important for our children to learn this discipline.  Why is this such an important exercise.

We have developed such a “victim mentality” in our culture today.  Victims think that it is “not my fault”.  This is “just the way I am”.  I am this way because this happened to me or my parents…  Now while it is true our past tends to shape who we are and many in today’s society have been through some horrible things.  At some point we do begin to make decisions for ourselves and we have to be responsible for those choices.  Many have been so caught up in a destructive pattern that they ultimately don’t know how to change.   This is not something that a parent wants to watch their child go through.  That is why it is so imperative that we help our children learn the discipline of change.  Being able to see the things/areas in their own lives that may need to be worked on and be able to have the discipline to make the changes necessary in their lives.

 

dcast for more insight on this topic.

The Discipline of Change | Part 5 2018-01-04T11:54:55+00:00

The Discipline of Change | Part 4

2018-01-04T11:53:52+00:00

Cheer Your Children Into Change

First we start out by identifying the area that we need to change.  In our children’s case we help them to process an area to work on.  Utilize the family discussion that we mentioned earlier, processing what we would do differently if we were allowed a do over from the previous year.

Next we can teach by example. Which is why it is so valuable to do this together as a family. Be open with your children about what you are going to do work on.  Then allow them to observe your personal self discipline as your work toward your goal.

Next we have to find the fine line between helping our children and nagging them.  For instance, if your child has decided that they want to do better at keeping their room clean, don’t consistently ask when are you going to clean your room.  Even worse would be using their goal as a weapon, “Remember you said you wanted to do better this year in this area.” Help them with the how to’s of achieving the goal, such as going up to their room ten minutes early to straighten before bed.

We next have to decide to be our child’s biggest fan.  Find something to cheer about everyday.  When you walk by them straightening their room encourage them, even if you are thinking “finally!” Cheer if they remember on their own to head up to their room ten minutes early.

Finally we have to allow for day’s of failure.  We all have bad days and we all have days where we are going to mess up.  That’s ok! Help your child to pick themselves back up the next day and try again.  Don’t let them give up on their goal!

 

 

The Discipline of Change | Part 4 2018-01-04T11:53:52+00:00

The Discipline of Change | Part 3

2018-01-04T11:53:00+00:00

Being Moldable

Each age group has different areas to work on.  I have heard an illustration pertaining to raising children that I believe fits for goal setting.  Raising children is like pouring cement for a foundation. (their life’s foundation)  Early childhood/elementary school you are pouring the cement or setting up rules boundaries, guidelines.  Teaching them things like “no means no”.  By middle school the cement is poured but is still fluid. The kind you can move around with a shovel.  By high school age the cement is starting to set it is thicker but still impressionable.  Adulthood is where you have to crack it to move it around. (Why it is harder for us to change unless we have been consistently open to change and things we need to work on in our lives. Allowing ourselves to be moldable.)

This is what we need to think about as we are guiding our children through the process of learning the discipline of change.  We don’t want to become so set in our ways that we cannot be teachable and moldable for what God has for us.  Being set in their ways or having the “well that’s just who I am mentality” doesn’t make someone very easy to be married to or have as an employee.

 

 

The Discipline of Change | Part 3 2018-01-04T11:53:00+00:00

The Discipline of Change | Part 2

2018-01-04T11:51:56+00:00

The Process of Teaching Self-Improvement

Our culture as a whole tends to be very undisciplined.  Like we discussed yesterday the concept of a New Year’s Resolution has almost become a joke in today’s society. The whole idea of “oh, the diet will start tomorrow” is how we have begun to treat all aspects of change.  This attitude has unfortunately trickled down to our children.  Many of whom have the attitude “well that’s just the way I am” so the concept of changing ones self for the better maybe a foreign one.

Many parents in an attempt to help their children have set goals for them.  This is not a bad thing but it is even harder to pursue a goal set by someone else.  What do we do as parents then? We need to train our children to be goal setters.  (more on this topic next week)

This is where you can utilize the process of a family discussion over the table and share with each other what you are going to change in the next year.  You can look back over the year together and say if what would I do differently if I could get a redo in one area.  This could be a springboard to a discussion on goal setting for the year to come.

 

 

The Discipline of Change | Part 2 2018-01-04T11:51:56+00:00

The Discipline of Change | Part 1

2018-01-04T11:50:56+00:00

The Importance of Giving Your Children the Tools to Improve Themselves

Many things come to mind when we think of the old year passing and a new year beginning.  We process the passing of time, either look forward with excitement or dread what is to come in the new year, but many of us think of it as a time of new beginnings. It is a time for creating resolutions.  It has almost become a cultural joke how quickly we allow our “resolutions” to fall by the wayside.  What does this teach our children, however?

What does the word resolution mean?  It means the act or process of resolving, the act of analyzing a complex notion into a simpler one, solving, something that is resolved, determined or mended.  A synonym for the word resolution is the word courage.  Now that is food for thought.

How do we take this word literally and become resolute about things that we need to change? Better yet, how do we take this concept, the true one, and utilize it for parenting and help our children use the new year to process how they can make changes for the better in their lives and relationships?

 

 

 

The Discipline of Change | Part 1 2018-01-04T11:50:56+00:00

The Discipline of Change | Part 5

2016-01-01T21:00:24+00:00

Why This Process is So Important

Through out parenting we have to remember that it is about the process not the end result.  Teaching our child how to have the discipline to make changes is very important even if the fall short of the original goal.  It is more about the process and discipline.  For those of us who are more end result type people it may help us to focus on why it is so important for our children to learn this discipline.  Why is this such an important exercise.

We have developed such a “victim mentality” in our culture today.  Victims think that it is “not my fault”.  This is “just the way I am”.  I am this way because this happened to me or my parents…  Now while it is true our past tends to shape who we are and many in today’s society have been through some horrible things.  At some point we do begin to make decisions for ourselves and we have to be responsible for those choices.  Many have been so caught up in a destructive pattern that they ultimately don’t know how to change.   This is not something that a parent wants to watch their child go through.  That is why it is so imperative that we help our children learn the discipline of change.  Being able to see the things/areas in their own lives that may need to be worked on and be able to have the discipline to make the changes necessary in their lives.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Discipline of Change | Part 5 2016-01-01T21:00:24+00:00

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 5

2012-04-09T15:39:39+00:00

Go Big on Relationship and Consistent with Discipline

The only “yelling” that we should be doing as parents is the cheering for our children.  One of the things that we are called to do is to be our child’s number one fan.  If we are cheering our child on then there will be no fear to try something new.

One of the best pictures of consistency in parenting for me has come from watching my husband in one of his stress relievers, bonsai trees.   He will get a little plant and as it grows he, slowly over time, bends the branches with wires and trims back the excess.  This helps the tree grow into the shape that it is most beautiful. If he just left it alone it would be overgrown and not pleasing to the eye. If he were to try to make the branches go instantly into the shape he wanted, they would break.  Each tree has its own unique shape and beauty to it.  When we are consistent with our discipline, slowly pruning and shaping things that don’t belong, it helps our children become the people God created them to be.  If we are too harsh, such as yelling constantly, we break their spirits.  It is our job to patiently and consistently utilize our parenting plan to grow our children to reach their beautiful potential.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 5 2012-04-09T15:39:39+00:00

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 4

2012-04-09T15:39:25+00:00

How to Stop Yelling Part 2

One of the big lessons that we want to teach our children is impulse control, in order to do that we have to live this out.  If we are consistently yelling at our children we are not showing impulse control.   We cannot have a rule in our house of not yelling between siblings and then yell as parents.

If we are in the heat of the moment and get frustrated give yourself permission to take a time out.  If you are yelling at your children take a moment to calm yourself and then continue the discussion.  You may just need to step away from the situation for a moment to think of a proper consequence.  Have a set place for your child to be where you can stop what is going on to do this.  For instance have your child sit down on the couch and tell them you will be back in a moment to inform them of their consequence.

If you do yell, which we all will at times, take the time to apologize to your children.  This will also help to communicate to your child that this is not acceptable behavior.  Then sit down and get out in front of the consequences for the next time. This way you will be more prepared and won’t have to resort to yelling.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of yelling.

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 4 2012-04-09T15:39:25+00:00

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 3

2012-04-09T15:39:07+00:00

How to Stop Yelling

Yelling is not an effective consequence.  You can literally watch a child who has been frequently yelled at glaze over when mom or dad starts yelling.  Its almost as if they are thinking, “if I can just wait this out then I can continue with what I am doing.”  If we apply it to our lives, it would not be an effective consequence for us either.  If we are consistently yelled at by a boss we consider that a hostile work environment and would begin to look for another job.  Just being yelled at by a police officer for speeding or running a red light would probably not be cause enough for most of us to stop these behaviors.  But we would think of filing a complaint.  If we would be angry at another adult for treating us this way then why would we treat our child this way?

Think about it yet another way. We would be very upset if we knew that a teacher, administrator or even another child was consistently yelling our son or daughter.  We would take action if another authority over our child berated them or called them a bad name.  However, if we do not have a plan in place for discipline then we open ourselves up to doing this to our own child.  I have heard parents at wits end say things like, “you are such a disappointment to me”.  Wow! I am sure that what they meant was “what you just did disappointed me or made me sad”.  The things that we say impact our children.  We don’t want the memories that they carry with them to be yelling or negative statements.  Take the time to come up with a plan!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 3 2012-04-09T15:39:07+00:00

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 2

2012-04-09T15:38:48+00:00

Why Parents Yell

There are several signs for us that we need to take a step back and evaluate our parenting.  One of those signs is consistent yelling.  When we yell at our children we make ourselves the consequence and begin to remove our relationship from them.

There are several reasons why parents yell.  Yelling may be the only parenting style we have observed.  It is also a sign of exhaustion; we are so tired that our fuse is short.  Another reason is that we may forget that children will act like children, and we are taking their behavior personally. It may also be a sign that there is too much stress in our lives and our children are getting the brunt of it.

What we discussed yesterday may be one of the main reasons parents resort to yelling. .  There may not be a plan for consequences in our home so the result is we get frustrated or feel helpless.  Take the time to sit down with your spouse and come up with some consequences that fit the “crime” rather then resort to yelling.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on yelling.

Separate the Relationship from the Discipline | Part 2 2012-04-09T15:38:48+00:00