Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 4


Training Them To Make Decisions

Having difficulty making decisions can be a pitfall of the pleaser child.   Some can be almost immobilized by the thought of making the wrong choice, so they shy away from making any choice. Make sure to allow your child to make decisions, as pain staking as that is at times, rather then jumping in and doing it for them. Click here to see our week-long series on raising a wise decision maker.


Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 42018-05-10T13:34:27-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 3


It’s Never Too Late

This should be one of our parenting mantras. It is never too late for our child, it is never too late to do the right thing, and it is never to late to start to make different choices as parents. Almost all parents, especially moms, deal with guilt of some kind. When we fail at parenting we deal with a lot of guilt. There is no such thing as a perfect parent here on earth, on some level knowing that fact helps in the day to day. I will mess up as a parent, I just need to make sure that I set the example to apologize and alter my behavior. One of the areas that it is easy to feel like you failed at, is discipline. It is so easy to get emotionally involved, yell at your child, and become the consequence. What happens if this has been the pattern of discipline for years? For all children but especially the pleaser child, you must work to restore and pursue relationship. It’s worth repeating, that a child must know that while we may be disappointed in their choices, we are not disappointed in who they are. We communicate this by pursuing them relationally. Make sure to prioritize one on one time with your children. Take the time to sit with them on their beds at night. Unplug when you are home to give them undivided attention. And make time for fun! These are all ways to help your child know they are worth it!



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 32018-05-10T13:33:41-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 2


How To Discipline a Pleaser

Children make mistakes, lots of them, because they are in training. Really, we all make mistakes because we are human. It is our job as parents to ride that balance of love and discipline.   In fact many have stated that to love is to discipline. We always have to make sure that we don’t become the consequence. This is especially devastating for the pleaser child. They will really feel their mistake emotionally, so for them to feel a detachment of relationship on top of everything is very hard. It is also imperative for the pleaser, that parent’s focus on repairing the relationship after handing out the consequence. We want to communicate that while we may be disappointed in the choice that they made, we are not disappointed in who they are. There is a big difference between the two that we have to be sure to communicate.

Click here for our series on separating the relationship and the discipline.



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 22018-05-10T13:32:57-04:00

Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 1


The Pleaser and the Barbarian

We have mentioned many times that when it comes to discipline children fall into two main categories, the pleaser and the barbarian. There will be differences from child to child because no two are identical. The barbarian child is also known as the strong willed child. They are the ones who if given an instruction may do the opposite just to see what happens or to see what mom and dad will do. The pleaser child is the one who doesn’t put up as much of a fight and seemingly falls under authority more easily.

There are benefits and difficulties with both. The barbarian may seem obvious that they tend to keep their parents on their toes especially in those early years. They are the ones who will definitely test to see if that “no” means “no” to see if there are inconsistencies. The pleaser child because they are seemingly falling right in line, are the ones who can overlooked especially when a parent has another child who is consistently testing the waters. If that happens a pleaser could then fall into a pattern of being manipulative or following the rules but only when someone is watching. This pleaser child is the one we are going to look at this week and discuss how we can bring out the best in this personality.



Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 12018-05-10T13:32:12-04:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 5


The Benefits of Delayed Gratification

The lesson of delayed gratification causes us to be big picture thinkers.  The true great leaders have all had a big picture focus.  Abraham Lincoln was an amazing example of this.  He grew up in the wilderness, lost his mother at an early age and claimed “he knew how to read, write and cipher but not much more coming of age.”  He lost the senate race but somehow got the Republican ticket for the presidency.  Immediately upon winning several of the southern states seceded.  He received push back from all sides through a horrific war that ravaged our nation.  But through it all he never lost focus, our nation came out on the other side, and slavery was defeated.  He is considered one of the greatest presidents the United States has had.

If we want to raise leaders we have to raise big picture thinkers, to do this we must raise children who have learned delayed gratification.  It affects so many areas of life and can make the difference in failure and success.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 52016-04-01T21:00:29-04:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 4


Setting The Example

To the responsible adult delayed gratification may be something that is not processed, but lived out even in small decisions. We don’t eat certain things, buy certain things, or do certain things for the purpose of bettering our future.  Process through some of your decisions, that set the example in delayed gratification, with your children especially as they get older.  Look for opportunities to include them in the process, explain why you choose not to eat out as much for example, or buy a new car as often. You can even include them in long-term projects so they can enjoy the reward of “plugging away” at something until the job is done.  This lesson can even give children the strength to cope with difficult situations in adulthood, for instance a hard season in a future marriage.  The reward is great when you have learned to slowly work on something to fix a problem, rather then simply throwing away and looking for something new.  Learning the lesson of delayed gratification may mean the difference between failure and success for your child.  Look for ways to set the example in your own life.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 42016-03-31T21:00:41-04:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 3


Teaching Disciplines They’ll Need As Adults

There are several disciplines that our children will need to know for adulthood and these are all disciplines that involve delayed gratification.  The first is teaching chores. Having a child do chores helps to teach that they are a member of a family unit.  This may mean putting aside what they want to do for a while in order to contribute to the family. Click here for more from the weeklong series on chores. Second is education. Learning how to study is definitely a discipline in delayed gratification. This is imperative for a college student who must learn how to balance the social scene, sometimes a job, and their studies. This leads us to the third discipline, which is time management.  Maturity is learning to balance time well, sometimes choosing to do what I need to do over what I want to do.  Click here for our week long series on time management.  Teaching sexual purity isn’t a discipline that ends with marriage.  In order to stay faithful to a spouse our teens must be trained to handle the delayed gratification of sexual purity.  Click here for more on teaching purity to your children. Finally teaching your child how to handle their finances is a very important lesson in delayed gratification.  Teaching a child how to pass up spending on small items in order to save for a future big item is a great and valuable lesson.  Click here for more on teaching finances.  There are many areas that are critical for success as an adult, take the time to make sure your child is prepared by teaching delayed gratification.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.


Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 32016-03-30T21:00:37-04:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 2


Where To Begin Teaching This

Once the decision has been made that this is an important area to add to the training process, where do we go next? One thing that needs to be looked at is where the child is at developmentally.  For young children this is an especially hard area because of their immaturity and short attention span.  So we must adjust our expectation to realistically train where they are.  For example, it is unrealistic to expect a toddler to sit and build an entire city with blocks. Anyone who has had a toddler knows that the favorite game with blocks is to knock them over.  So a very easy beginning lesson in delayed gratification is having them help build the tower, teaching them to wait until the end to knock it over.  Teaching delayed gratification using play is a great place to start.  We can utilize things like puzzles and games to teach this.  As the child ages we can slowly raise the expectation level, simple things like teaching a child not to interrupt others is a lesson in delayed gratification.  Take the time to look around for age appropriate lessons in delayed gratification. This can simply be utilizing things you do with your child already, just more intentionally.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 22016-03-29T21:00:35-04:00

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 1


Why Is This Important?

The “instant pleasures” of life can have the potential to rob us of the “greater treasures” of life.  Learning delayed gratification helps a person invest now for their future.  It also helps teach how to make better decisions about the here and now, that I will be grateful for later on.  Learning the self-discipline of delayed gratification impacts, a teens ability to stay sexually pure until marriage, learning how to save money for the future, teaches a student to study now to reap the benefits later, and to plan ahead rather than live for the moment.

This is difficult because it doesn’t come naturally to us.  There is nothing in the current culture around us that teaches this discipline. We are a culture of instant gratification.  We don’t want to wait and feel that we shouldn’t have to wait.  Cultures past had consistent lessons in delayed gratification because they had to wait for everything from the growing of the crops for food, to the sun rising for light to begin their day.  Today’s parent has to be intentional to look for lessons in delayed gratification in order to teach this discipline to their children.  Check back the rest of this week as we look at how to teach this.


As always listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Taking Them From Instant Gratification to Delayed Gratification | Part 12016-03-28T21:00:13-04:00