love

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 5

2014-03-11T09:53:05+00:00

It’s About Love- Not Like

Love is an action word. It is not an emotion, it is something we do or something we live out.  Every phase can have things not to like if we choose to focus on them.  Babyhood is the constant need or sleep deprivation.  Toddlers are always pushing back against the rules.  Early teens are struggling with self-image or are moody.  Later teens feel as though they know it all.  Thankfully we can role model what Christ did for us.  He loved us when we were unlovable, ungrateful, and in sin.  Thankfully we also have a guide for how to love in 1 Corinthians 13. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

This is a great verse for us to have up in front of us especially on the hard days.  Remember parenting is about communicating and modeling God’s love to our children, not about like.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 5 2014-03-11T09:53:05+00:00

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 4

2014-03-11T09:52:18+00:00

When Parenting Gets In The Way Of My Schedule

If there is one thing that gets interrupted in a parent’s life it is their schedule.  From the first day a baby comes home, life will never be as the parents once knew it.  After the newborn phase we can even attempt to keep our children in a schedule but there will be changes to it as life happens, such as a child getting sick.  If we are Type A personalities it may be more difficult for us when something rocks the neat little schedule we have going.  The Type B personality may find it difficult that their child does need routine.  Parents can’t just pick up and go where they want anymore. As children get older the family schedule may be more focused on the kids’ activities, such as sports or youth group events, etc.

One way to fight feeling resentful is to make sure that you are first and foremost taking time with God.  Secondly, that the spouses are getting their quality time together. Make sure there are date nights on the schedule.  During a difficult season, make sure that there are also fun times with the family.  It is amazing what a little fun family activity can do to relieve stress but also help to put perspective where it needs to be.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 4 2014-03-11T09:52:18+00:00

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 3

2014-03-11T09:51:32+00:00

The Middle School Years

There are seasons during parenting that are more difficult then others, some find the toddler years extremely difficult, others dread the teen years.  Many find those middle school years extremely unlikable.  I for one am one of the unusual people who happen to love those tween/early teen years.  Maybe my heart goes out to them because of my personal middle school struggles.  Middle schoolers tend to be particularly moody probably due to all the hormonal changes as well as social challenges facing them.  I have literally had parents tell me that they felt like their son had a brain transplant at thirteen, he simply wasn’t their child anymore.  The case was more that he wasn’t A child anymore and was trying to navigate for himself what that meant.  We may need to give our child an extra dose of grace, not meaning lightening up on our parenting plan but more our reactions to them, during these tough middle school years.  Remember, the child who you are struggling to like is probably the one who needs you most relationally at that moment.  Take some extra time with your middle schooler.  Sit on their bed, debrief their day and help them to navigate this confusing time in their lives.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 3 2014-03-11T09:51:32+00:00

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 2

2014-03-11T09:50:42+00:00

Why Does This Happen?

The first thing we can do when having these emotions is look at why this can happen. Consider that you can very easily be overwhelmed with parenthood in general.  It is very easy to go into parenthood with unrealistic expectations of what it demands.  Parents get overwhelmed with the constant needs of a child.  So the dislike may be more of what parenting demands of us.  It is a hard adjustment to have to cease to be self focused and to continually be others focused. This is further training that God allows in our lives.

Secondly, we may have a personality conflict with our child.  We can struggle because we don’t understand where our child is coming from.  The other possibility is that we have very similar personalities to our child, which can rub us the wrong way.  Either way it is easier to grace our child if we can look into the why.  We have to keep in mind that parenting is a ministry.  We are called to give to, serve and train our children for the cause of Christ.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 2 2014-03-11T09:50:42+00:00

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 1

2014-03-11T09:47:40+00:00

What If I Don’t Like My Child?

“There are days where I don’t like my child…there I said it out loud. What does this mean and what do I do with it?”  Having this realization can be very guilt inducing for a parent. The first thing to remember that it’s not about like it’s about love.  You like someone because there is a commonality between you.  Other then genetics there isn’t a lot of commonality between a parent and child so there may be difficult moments, which we struggle to admit, that we don’t like our children.  Parenting well is a lot of work, rewarding work for sure, but a lot of work nonetheless.  There are days, and nights, where it can be exhausting and little things try our patience.  This week we are going to look into this topic deeper and discover what to do with these emotions.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 

When My Child is Difficult to Like | Part 1 2014-03-11T09:47:40+00:00

Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 2

2012-02-14T20:45:03+00:00

Love is… not punching my brother. – Benny, age 6

The first attribute found in God’s definition of love (1 Corinthians 13) is patience.  In today’s society we don’t do well with patience.  We have been trained for the immediate and today’s children are no different.  Patience is something that is taught by modeling this behavior.  You cannot tell a child to be patient with their sibling and then be in the car driving to the grocery store yelling at the driver in front of you because he is going too slowly.

As parents we must remember that there are always eyes watching to see how we will handle situations.  A child is more prone to do what we do rather than do what we say.  They are visual learners. We must be conscious how we are reacting to the things around us in word and action.  When they watch us our children are learning the “love acted out loud” virtue of patience.

What does it mean to be kind?

Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 2 2012-02-14T20:45:03+00:00

Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 1

2012-02-14T20:28:54+00:00

Love to me means that I have a open heart for others.  ~Dani, age 7

While Valentine’s Day in the classroom means candy and parties, for others it is a source of pressure and for some it is just downright depressing.  What would happen if families used the month surrounding this holiday to teach children what it means to show love to the people around them?  We are told in Matthew 22 that to love our neighbor is “equally as important” as “loving the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.” In fact the word love is used over 600 times in the Bible.

Sadly in today’s society we have no idea what it means.  To a child life revolves around them but we are raising a generation of adults who have not grown out of this.  To raise a marriageable and employable adult we have to cultivate the concept of love in our children.

What better a time to focus on this trait as a family then Valentine’s week?

How do we teach children real love? Please join us as we spend this week discussing the responsibility we have as parents to teach “love”.

Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 1 2012-02-14T20:28:54+00:00

Love is Kind

2011-02-04T17:59:58+00:00

Love to me means to help others. ~Jake age 6

Nothing teaches a child how to love like giving the child a view of love in action…because love is an action not a feeling. From the original definition of love (1 Corinthians 13:4) we can pluck the love action of kindness. Love is kind.

Have my children observed me expressing kindness to people we encounter? Am I kind to strangers even when strangers are not. 
Kindness is a choice that is best observed in the face of rudeness.  It is also best learned when it is explained to a child after the fact. “Do you know why I didn’t talk back to that rude woman. It’s because I chose to be loving rather then what felt good at that moment.”

Jesus tells us in Matthew 25:35-40
35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.  36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’  37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink?  38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing?  39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’
40 And the King will tell them, ‘I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

Teach the expression of kindness.

Love is Kind 2011-02-04T17:59:58+00:00