marriage

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5

2018-11-07T11:30:10+00:00

When There Is No Return On Your Investment

First we need to clarify what this means.  What we are discussing today is when it feels like one spouse is investing more then the other.  This is not when there are major sin issues, affairs, or abuse these are areas which need professional guidance.  This is simply a period of time in a marriage where one spouse may be working harder on the marriage then the other.

There are some actions that we can take during this time.  The first thing we need to be doing, and often times it is sadly our last resort, is prayer.  We need to be praying for our spouse, marriage and areas we can do better to serve our spouse.  Next we can decide who we are truly doing this for.  If we are doing marriage to meet our needs then we will be disappointed.  Our focus should be to serve our spouse, because by doing this we are ultimately serving Christ.  Something that will help as well is to “take captive every thought”.  If there are negative thoughts about your spouse choose to focus on positives.  What do they do well? Are they a great parent, hard worker, anything that is a positive trait that you can focus on and be grateful for.  These are just a few ideas, for more things to do listen to today’s podcast.

 

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5 2018-11-07T11:30:10+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4

2018-11-07T11:28:52+00:00

The Five “A’s”- The Need For Affection & The Need For Activity

Even though some people may be more “touchy feely” we all need affection to feel loved.  We also need to have a sense of fun in the relationship.  This is accomplished through activity together.  These two are examples of areas that couples are so good about while they are dating.  You tell “honeymoon” phase of a relationship because first, they can’t keep their hands off each other and second they do everything together.  These areas can get lost in the shuffle of busy married life if we are not careful.  We must be intentional to make sure that both the areas of affection and fun activity happen in our marriage.  Make sure to listen to today’s podcast to hear more about these two important topics.

 

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4 2018-11-07T11:28:52+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3

2018-11-07T11:27:56+00:00

The Five “A’s”- The Need For Admiration

It is amazing when you are dating and the relationship is new how your significant other can seem to do no wrong, and even when they do it is easily glossed over.  Equally amazing how that changes quickly in a marriage and almost reverses.  It is easy to pick at your spouse for small petty things.  This is why our need for admiration is so important to remember, because nitpicking undermines this.  Men need to feel admiration and respect from their wives.  They need to feel that they are doing a great job protecting, providing for and leading their family.  Even if there are times when they are not, they will be much more apt to discuss if they have felt their wives continued respect.  Women need to feel their husband’s love and admiration.  They still need to feel beautiful to their husbands, feel protected and cherished.  When God gave us Ephesians 5 as a road map for this there were no conditions.  It doesn’t say husband love your wives as Christ loved the church and wives respect your husbands but only as much as they deserve your love and respect.  It is unconditional.  This reveals the deep need for both spouses to feel admiration.

 

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3 2018-11-07T11:27:56+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2

2018-11-07T11:26:56+00:00

The Five “A’s”- The Need For Attention & The Need For Acceptance

We all have basic needs as spouses.  With our focus this week on being proactive, a great place to start is to look at the needs of our spouse and do what we can to meet them.  The first basic need of both spouses is the need for attention.  This is especially important in today’s digital age.  Sadly, there have been times where I have seen a couple out to dinner both on their cell phones.  We must find a way to communicate to our spouse that there are specific times where they can have our undivided attention.

The second area is the need for acceptance. Our spouse needs to feel that they are loved for who they are unconditionally.  It is not our job to change who our spouse is.  God brings two people together who usually have very different strengths.   This is because the two can become one and become an amazing team.    It is so much easier for our spouse to feel our acceptance, if instead of looking at the areas we feel they need to change, we focus on how best we can serve.   Being proactive to meet the needs of your spouse is extremely important.  Look for ways you can serve your spouse today.

 

 

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2 2018-11-07T11:26:56+00:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1

2018-11-07T12:26:34+00:00

The Need To Set Boundaries

With everything going on in the world around us it is easy to see how important placing boundaries around your marriage is.  We must be proactive to protect our relationship with our spouse.  This is such an important topic we spent a week discussing itClick here to check out our series on boundaries in marriage.  Be sure to check back tomorrow as we begin to discuss the Five “A’s” or areas of need in a marriage.

 

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1 2018-11-07T12:26:34+00:00

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 5

2018-06-07T14:13:09+00:00

Attributes Of A Friend-Part 2

We are continuing yesterday’s study on what it looks like to be a best friend. Here are some more attributes and verses to study through.
Best friends strive to become great encouragers. Hebrews 3:13
“But encourage one another daily… ”
Best friends strive to be Self-Sacrificing . Philippians 2:4 “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Best friends strive to be spiritually challenging. Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Best friends are fun to be with, remember fun? Proverbs 17:22
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

 

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 5 2018-06-07T14:13:09+00:00

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 4

2018-06-07T14:12:22+00:00

Attributes Of A Friend-Part 1

The next two days we will simply share the attributes of a friend and some verses that go along with them for you to process. Take the time to look these up over the next few days.
Best friends are loyal. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend Loves at all times..”
Best friends share. One way they do this is by being good listeners. James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”
They also share by being wise talkers. Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Best friends strive to be intellectually stimulating. Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. ”

 

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 4 2018-06-07T14:12:22+00:00

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 3

2018-06-07T14:11:19+00:00

Risking Who I Am

There is an incredible focus today on self. We say words like self-esteem, self-worth, self-discovery and self-preservation. The problem is before marriage we have not really practiced the art of loosing oneself. We harp on this scenario a lot but 100 years ago a family meant sharing things; you shared toys, a room and possibly even a bed with siblings. The concepts of my own and selfishness were not what they are today. Children today have there own set of toys and many today don’t even understand the concept of sharing the family phone because everyone has their own cell phone. So if the sharing of things is rare this concept of sharing self is very foreign.
As we talked about yesterday God has brought two very different people together with the purpose of making them become one. This means we have to give up this sense of self for this purpose. Ultimately sacrificing our wants, desires and even needs to put the other first. This is what becoming best friends looks like sacrificing self to gain becoming one.

 

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 3 2018-06-07T14:11:19+00:00

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 2

2018-06-07T14:10:32+00:00

Understanding Your Spouses Perspective

There is a choice we have to make in any relationship but especially in marriage, and that is choosing to understand the other person’s perspective. We are going to have very different outlooks on life. There are gender differences which will cause us to see things differently. We also have differences in personality as well as different communication styles. To further complicate the situation we tend to marry our opposite in these areas. Morning people marry night people, communicators marry non-communicators and introverts marry extroverts to name a few. God intentionally put us with people who are our opposite to smooth out the rough edges, allow us to be an effective team and be more well rounded and prepared then just one of us alone. So instead of getting annoyed that our spouse doesn’t do things the same way we do, we need to embrace it. Even take it a step further and try to see things from their perspective. Friends take the time to understand each other. The amazing thing is a lot of the ways we are opposite may not have been revealed until after we were married. Some call this God’s sense of humor but in reality it’s His brilliance. We get to spend a life time working to better understand the one He has given us. The relationship will only get stale and old if we give up the attempt to better understand and serve our spouse. Choose to see things from your spouses point of view and take that step to being a better friend.

 

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 2 2018-06-07T14:10:32+00:00

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 1

2018-06-07T14:15:49+00:00

Choosing To Be Your Spouses Best Friend

In order to become best friends, we need to make this relationship a top priority. It’s easy when life happens, children enter the picture and stress creeps in to allow marriage to get place on the back burner. If we are not careful then years may go by and we may look at our spouse and realize that we are married to a stranger. We need to take the time to input into our marriage through all the stress and chaos so that we are able to grow together. This enables to to become one flesh.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ As many times as I hear this verse it’s such a great reminder that our closest neighbor is our spouse. If we are not choosing to love them then how can we expect the love to appropriately trickle down to our children then those around us. Check back the rest of this week as we discuss tips for pursuing a best friend relationship with your spouse.

 

Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 1 2018-06-07T14:15:49+00:00