Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 5


Learning About Your Spouse and Physical Intimacy

Make sure to take the time to learn your spouse.  Are they the kind of person who likes surprises or do they need time in advance to adjust to ideas?  When planning activities to help get out of a rut learning this may be key, to not only actually getting out and doing them but making sure that both spouses enjoy the process.  This is even something that you can sit and do together.  Together you can process through a list of things that would be fun to do as a family or on date night.  If both spouse are involved in this process then both can be excited and looking forward to these activities.  Then make sure to put the list on the family calendar.

You can never be married to long to bring romance back into the marriage relationship.  Sexual intimacy is something that you only share with your spouse.  It is special and sacred that is why it is also something that should not be ignored.  For more on this topic click here to hear the series on romance in marriage.


Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 52020-03-11T09:29:25-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 4


Never Settle For Less

There are things we can do to make the marriage exciting.  We need to find ways to get out of the routine.  There does need to be some one on one time set aside with your spouse.  Make sure to make time for date nights, but you can even set aside the time after the children go to bed for something fun for just the two of you.  If you have older children that have a later bedtime, there can be a set time that they spend in their room before “lights out” in order for there to be time for your relationship.

There are many ways to incorporate fun back into the marriage.  One of the ways to help a marriage not get mundane, is focusing on the friendship aspect of the relationship.   Click here to see the week long series on how to become your spouses best friend.


Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 42020-03-11T09:27:54-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 3


Never Quit Trying

It’s interesting how we think of having an infant or small children as an exciting time/phase of life.  It is draining, but we will still label it as exciting or never a dull moment.  If we stop to think about it a baby can’t give anything back yet we are continually meeting their needs.  Sure we may have moments of feeling overwhelmed with the magnitude of the task of caring for them but we still do it with out the expectation of anything from them.  Why?…Because we love them.

How is this any different from our spouse?  We should be continually working on and putting into the relationship, because we love them.  Our society has trained us to look for quick fixes, but the marriage relationship is not a quick fix. It is a life long relationship.  We need to make sure that we are doing our part.  There will most assuredly be times where our spouse because of stress, other things going on in their life or even lack of knowing how, can’t give in the way we can.  Instead of getting frustrated with our spouse, make the choice to be the one who goes above and beyond for the sake of the relationship.  Remember the model for Love that was given to us, is the one who gave His life for us.



Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 32020-03-11T09:26:53-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 2


Choose To Prioritize Your Marriage

We need to be prepared to build a team or “become one flesh”.   There are things that can hinder this process that we need to work through.  The first is expectations. Often our expectations of how marriage will be, often unrealistic and influenced by Hollywood, can taint our attitude about real life marriage.  Check out our week long series on expectations by clicking here.  Very likely, because we are different genders and different personalities we will need to learn how our spouse communicates in order to do it effectively.  Click here for more on this topic.  Another reason that marriage can become boring is because we don’t take the time to make it a priority.  Click here for more on this.  Finally many don’t know how to “work on the relationship”.  We need to give of ourselves rather then just waiting for things to get better.  Make sure to continue making your marriage a priority!


Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 22020-03-11T09:25:55-04:00

Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 1


The Relationship Takes Work

We try to talk about the topic of marriage here on Parenting on Purpose, once a month.  Here are some of the reasons we feel that it is so important to discuss. First, if you are married, the parenting won’t work to its potential if the marriage isn’t working.  Second, your marriage is training your children how to do their marriage in the future.  Your marriage gives your children a secure environment or an insecure environment.  Your marriage is a team of two people with different complimenting gifts which, when working together, can divide up the training tasks and bless the children.  Lastly, your marriage is the team that builds the child or hinders their potential.  It is the foundation the children can grow up on.

One thing that may shock us as we get married is that marriage is work.  It takes work to make two separate lives, personalities, backgrounds and families into one life.  It is continued work.  If we don’t continue to give to our marriage relationship it can become stagnant.   Everything that is alive grows.  We must put the work into our marriage to maintain growth.  Check back with us all week as we discuss how to put into your marriage relationship to keep it alive, healthy and fun.





Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 12020-03-11T09:24:41-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


When There Is No Return On Your Investment

First we need to clarify what this means.  What we are discussing today is when it feels like one spouse is investing more then the other.  This is not when there are major sin issues, affairs, or abuse these are areas which need professional guidance.  This is simply a period of time in a marriage where one spouse may be working harder on the marriage then the other.

There are some actions that we can take during this time.  The first thing we need to be doing, and often times it is sadly our last resort, is prayer.  We need to be praying for our spouse, marriage and areas we can do better to serve our spouse.  Next we can decide who we are truly doing this for.  If we are doing marriage to meet our needs then we will be disappointed.  Our focus should be to serve our spouse, because by doing this we are ultimately serving Christ.  Something that will help as well is to “take captive every thought”.  If there are negative thoughts about your spouse choose to focus on positives.  What do they do well? Are they a great parent, hard worker, anything that is a positive trait that you can focus on and be grateful for.  These are just a few ideas, for more things to do listen to today’s podcast.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 52018-11-07T11:30:10-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Affection & The Need For Activity

Even though some people may be more “touchy feely” we all need affection to feel loved.  We also need to have a sense of fun in the relationship.  This is accomplished through activity together.  These two are examples of areas that couples are so good about while they are dating.  You tell “honeymoon” phase of a relationship because first, they can’t keep their hands off each other and second they do everything together.  These areas can get lost in the shuffle of busy married life if we are not careful.  We must be intentional to make sure that both the areas of affection and fun activity happen in our marriage.  Make sure to listen to today’s podcast to hear more about these two important topics.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 42018-11-07T11:28:52-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Admiration

It is amazing when you are dating and the relationship is new how your significant other can seem to do no wrong, and even when they do it is easily glossed over.  Equally amazing how that changes quickly in a marriage and almost reverses.  It is easy to pick at your spouse for small petty things.  This is why our need for admiration is so important to remember, because nitpicking undermines this.  Men need to feel admiration and respect from their wives.  They need to feel that they are doing a great job protecting, providing for and leading their family.  Even if there are times when they are not, they will be much more apt to discuss if they have felt their wives continued respect.  Women need to feel their husband’s love and admiration.  They still need to feel beautiful to their husbands, feel protected and cherished.  When God gave us Ephesians 5 as a road map for this there were no conditions.  It doesn’t say husband love your wives as Christ loved the church and wives respect your husbands but only as much as they deserve your love and respect.  It is unconditional.  This reveals the deep need for both spouses to feel admiration.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 32018-11-07T11:27:56-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


The Five “A’s”- The Need For Attention & The Need For Acceptance

We all have basic needs as spouses.  With our focus this week on being proactive, a great place to start is to look at the needs of our spouse and do what we can to meet them.  The first basic need of both spouses is the need for attention.  This is especially important in today’s digital age.  Sadly, there have been times where I have seen a couple out to dinner both on their cell phones.  We must find a way to communicate to our spouse that there are specific times where they can have our undivided attention.

The second area is the need for acceptance. Our spouse needs to feel that they are loved for who they are unconditionally.  It is not our job to change who our spouse is.  God brings two people together who usually have very different strengths.   This is because the two can become one and become an amazing team.    It is so much easier for our spouse to feel our acceptance, if instead of looking at the areas we feel they need to change, we focus on how best we can serve.   Being proactive to meet the needs of your spouse is extremely important.  Look for ways you can serve your spouse today.



The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 22018-11-07T11:26:56-04:00

The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


The Need To Set Boundaries

With everything going on in the world around us it is easy to see how important placing boundaries around your marriage is.  We must be proactive to protect our relationship with our spouse.  This is such an important topic we spent a week discussing itClick here to check out our series on boundaries in marriage.  Be sure to check back tomorrow as we begin to discuss the Five “A’s” or areas of need in a marriage.


The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 12018-11-07T12:26:34-04:00