Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2


Don’t Degrade His Gender

It is very easy for us to take out frustrations and stress on the people around us, and unfortunately it is most often on the people that we love most. Especially, when we have been hurt we can even unconsciously take out our pain and anger on those we love, i.e. our children.  For those who have suffered through a divorce, especially those with sons we need to be aware of this.

We need to make certain that we are not making negative statements about the male gender as a whole.  A son will not only look to his mom for the affirmation of his gender but ultimately to define what it looks like.  This is vitally important for a son’s development but also for the mother son relationship.  If a mother cannot affirm his gender, the relationship with her son will be strained.


Listen to today’s podcast for practical ways to affirm a son’s gender.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 22017-05-17T17:23:32-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


Mom as the Role-Model For Being Godly

The Bible tells us in Romans to “not be conformed to the pattern of this world…” But what does that mean? Especially for girls today who are inundated with the culture around them, they need to see what it means to be Godly.  There are several ways that a mom can “not conform”.  First is the current “idol” of materialism and money.  Where is our focus as moms, is it keeping up with those around us or is it “learning to be content” as Paul teaches?

Moms for the most part exemplify sacrifice.  We are the ones who constantly must put ourselves on the back burner for the needs of our children.  It is our attitude about it however that sets us apart.  Are we grumbling or acting the martyr or are we considering everything “pure joy”, even the sleepless nights or behavior battles?

Again there are so many more ways to communicate and exemplify for your daughter what it means to be a Godly woman. Take the time to look up Proverbs 31 to see what the wisest man in the world considered to be Godly, as well as Galatians 5:22-25 for what Godly attributes we should have.


And as always listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 52015-05-18T11:45:49-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


Mom As The Role-Model For Wife

We have said countless times that children learn most often by observation.  One of the awesome privileges that mom has is to role-model for her daughter what it means to be a godly wife. There are many ways she can do this.  First the Bible calls the wife to respect her husband.  One of the ways we do this is by our words.  What do our children hear us say about our spouse? How do we respond to our spouse in front of our children? This is one of the ways we can role-model respect making sure that the things we say edify and build him up.

Secondly, we can role-model healthy communication.  Even though we may not always agree we are able to work things out.  Our children should be able to observe our healthy interactions day to day.

There are so many more ways that a mom can role- model what it means to be a godly wife.  Listen to today’s podcast for more.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 42015-05-18T11:42:37-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


Mom Shouldn’t Relive Childhood/Teen Years Through Daughter

Many times in the residential program I observed moms who didn’t set up boundaries between themselves and their children, their daughters in particular.  In other words there was no adult/child line.  You couldn’t tell by behavior and dress who was the adult and who was the child.  This obviously created major problems.

There may be many motivations behind this kind of relationship.  The first is that mom maybe trying to relive her youth through her daughter, by the way she dresses and acts.  The second reason may be that mom wants her daughter to be her friend so she hasn’t set up boundaries.  It is hard to treat a daughter as a friend and then all of a sudden turn the tables on her and try to be her authority figure when she has disobeyed.  This is very confusing for a child/teen and can cause rebellion.  The other thing that can happen with this friend type relationship is the mom can treat her child as a confidant.  This again is not a healthy relationship because a child should not have to carry their parent’s secrets or burdens.  A mother needs to work hard to set up the parent/child boundaries so that later she can enjoy her adult daughter’s friendship.

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 32015-05-18T11:39:19-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


Mom As The Gender Role-Model

The number one role-model for how a girl feels about her gender is mom.   If mom is not taking the time to role-model what it means to be a woman them her daughter will attempt to find these answers in the culture around her.  This can be very confusing.  There are so many extreme definitions of what it means to be a woman everything from using your body to get attention to ignoring your femininity all together.

Mom must help her daughter find the balance of all that culture is throwing her way. She must help her daughter to understand that true beauty is found on the inside. Mom herself also needs to role-model self respect and modesty so her daughter can observe it. Moms have the awesome privilege of helping their daughters embrace and celebrate their gender. Take the time to enjoy it!


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 22015-05-18T11:34:14-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


The Unique Dynamic in the Relationship

So many moms dream of the day where they will have a baby girl,  and for many the dreams don’t stop there.  They think that their daughter will be their buddy to do things with as they grow. And while sometimes this is true, why is it that for so many this is such a rocky relationship, especially in the teen years?

Mothers and daughters have a unique relationship and when it is working its awesome, but when it is not it can be explosive as I have observed many times with our residential girls and their moms.

Many times it is simply a communication issue.  Girls and Moms don’t know how to talk to each other.  Again, I have observed many times girls and moms talking AT each other and not TO.  Mothers need to train their daughter how to communicate. Click here for our two week long series on this topic.  It starts with listening.  Moms need to start taking the time to listen to their daughters. Often tines mom, if she will take the time, is the only one who is able to see through her daughters emoting to what the true issue is.  Check back this week as we look more deeply into the topic of mothers and daughters.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest Rosemary Barnes | Part 12015-05-18T11:28:31-04:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5


Be Content With What You CAN Do

It is easy as a single parent to get overwhelmed at the parenting task before you.  One of the things to do when this happens is to focus on all the things that you can do as a single parent.  One of those things is finding a mentor.  This is someone who you can lean on even set up a weekly coffee/ lunch time to have someone to bounce of parenting ideas with.  This must be a woman that you trust and someone who is very Godly, so that you know you are going to be getting wise godly counsel.  The next area that you can look for support is family.  Many family members would be more then willing to watch the kids, while mom spends a little bit of sanity time by herself, even if it is grocery shopping.

Finally and most importantly the person who you can lean on most for comfort and support is our Heavenly Father.  It is amazing that the One who can give is the most comfort is often the One we go to last. Daily choose to give your situation and your children to God.  Make it a daily absolute that you are finding time to spend in prayer and in scripture! Remember He knows about our circumstances, feels our pain and loves our children even more then we do!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 52013-07-10T11:19:06-04:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4


Don’t Depend on Him For Your Self-Esteem

One thing that we have reiterated several times on parenting today is that we cannot allow our self-esteem as parents to be wrapped up in our children. If our emotions are tied to their performance then we cannot discipline properly or be objective. This is very true for the single mother.  She cannot allow her self worth as a mother be tied to how her children are doing. Often times if a son isn’t doing well it is easy for a mom to beat herself up. On the other hand she also can not push him hard finding her self- worth through his success. She needs to remove the emotion from it in order to get proper perspective. Click Here to see our previous week on the topic of performance and parenting.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 42013-07-10T17:29:57-04:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3


Give Him Independence

We spoke last week about how important it is to allow your son to begin to make his own decisions.  We must do this in order to begin to instill leadership characteristics in our son.  This is even more important for the single mom to make this a priority. This is in fact a two part process for the single mom especially if there is an older son.

The older son needs his mom to cheer his decisions and not attempt to make them for him.  He must be allowed to fail in order to learn. The other thing that is equally important for the single mom to process is that she cannot lean on her son for emotional support.  He cannot be a male “replacement” or someone to vent to.  He must be allowed to stay in the role as child.  Mom must be careful to put up boundaries in the adult/child relationship and not begin to lean on or emotionally confide in her children.  If this is an area of need in her life she needs to seek out a godly friend or even a counselor to vent to.

Another thing to always remember is that we are never alone, no matter how lonely we feel.  Our Heavenly Father promises He will never leave us or forsake us!


Listen to today’s podcast for more practical application on giving your son independence.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 32017-05-17T17:19:13-04:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 1


“Put Your Oxygen Mask On First”

As a single parent, mom must realize that she will be dealing with many emotions.  She must give herself a chance to work through them so she doesn’t emote on her children. Healing is a slow, two steps forward one step back process.  It will take awhile.  Mom must allow for it and find the appropriate level of help, whether that is a strong Christian friend or even a counselor.  You cannot give the appropriate level of emotional care to your children if you have not begun the healing process yourself.

Another thing to keep in the forefront of the mind is if single parenting is a result of a divorce a mom must realize it was her divorce not her children’s.  That is unless there was some form of abuse and a mom needs to put the protection of her children first.  For all children but especially a son, a mom cannot use custody or opportunities for him to be with his dad as a weapon.  It will cause her children further pain.

For the rest of this week we will be discussing the topic of raising a son as a single mom, what that means and how to do it well.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 12013-07-10T11:13:52-04:00