Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


Willingness To Let Go

One of the most painful things for a mother is the letting go of a child.  The emancipation process for a son is vitally important, per Genesis 2:24, “the man shall leave his mother and father…”  The letting go of a son in preparation for adulthood, and ultimately marriage, is something that is more painful for a mom.  She will no longer, and should no longer, be the most important female in his life.  If this is not intentionally done a man will eventually marry a “mother” figure rather then a wife.  This is very detrimental to the marriage relationship.

It must be something that is gradually done from childhood on.  In childhood, we begin the emancipation process with allowing them to begin to make their own choices. High school allow them freedom with in the boundary of the rules set up and not hovering or taking their choices personally.  As boys grow into men she needs to understand the fact that, while she will always be his mother, she needs to “wean” the mothering and allow him to make his own decisions.  This is a very difficult and unnatural process, therefore, it must be a supernatural process. For an amazing example of this read 1 Samuel 1 and reread the story of Hannah.


For more insight on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 52013-06-28T15:41:11-04:00

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


Be The Role Model For  Wife

We touched on this concept yesterday but our example will have a huge impact on who our son will marry.  We’ve all heard the phrase you marry your mother, this is how huge our responsibility is in how we role model.  We talked about yesterday role modeling qualities that we would like to see in our son’s spouse.  For those of us who are married we need to role model what it means to be a wife.

I have heard it said that the wife is the gatekeeper to her home.  It is her job to keep it a sanctuary for her family, a safe place.  Children also pick up on how we as spouses treat each other.  If a woman badmouths her husband or disrespects him in front of her children this can be a major blow to her son.  It can cause great conflict within him.   It is very important for a wife to role model love and respect with in a marriage.

Next week we will be discussing the importance of the relationship between mother and son when dad’s not around.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 42013-06-28T15:40:49-04:00

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


Be The Role Model For Womanhood

There are many ways that we as mom can role model womanhood for our sons. We are the standard for what our sons  will compare other women too. That is a huge responsibility not to be taken lightly. We role model modesty, humility, nurture, love just to name a few. The way we dress as women not only impacts what our daughters deem as appropriate but also our sons. A hard concept to wrap our heads around as moms of little boys is, we need to process the qualities we want our son to look for in a spouse and exemplify those.  We need to  set the goal of being a Proverbs 31 woman not only for our husbands but for the sake of our sons observation.


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 32013-06-28T15:40:04-04:00

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


Do What’s Right Not Easy

One of the very rewarding things about the mother/son relationship is that a mother has the privilege to be her son’s first teacher.  She instills in her son his very first lessons.   Like we mentioned yesterday she teaches him the word “no”.  She also teaches the concept of cause and effect; he will begin to understand, when I choose to do this I earn a reward or consequence.  She also can teach him the meaning of unconditional love as she separates relationship and disciple.  For more on that click here.

Another valuable life lesson that a mother can instill in her son is to learn how to do things that he may not necessarily want to do but are important.  For example learning how to eat vegetables, how to clean up after himself, take naps or even share with others.  Being a consistent teacher is very hard work, but well worth the effort as you watch your child grow to be a responsible person!


Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 22013-06-28T15:40:26-04:00

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


Worth The Sacrifice

The mother and son relationship has some very distinct aspects to it, which is why we are going to spend a two weeks discussing it.  A mother has a very important role to play in the life of her son.  There are many different types of moments through out the mother and son relationship some wonderful, some difficult and painful but all rewarding.

The beginning of the mother/son relationship is genderless bonding because she is his main caregiver.  Whether she works out of the home or not, she is his main nurturer and encourager.  A mother is the first to teach her son unconditional love.  She is also hopefully the one who begins to instill the meaning of word “no” as well as begin to place boundaries up in his life.

The difficulty of this relationship, which we will continue to explore through the week, is the fact that one of the most important roles that a mother plays is allowing for the slow emancipation of her son.  This begins at an early age where, if dad is at home he will slowly become his sons everything.  A son will want to emulate everything his father does.  And while this pulling away from mom is painful it is something that is necessary for her son to become the man he needs to be.

Check back through this week as we begin to dive into the mother/son relationship.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 12013-06-28T15:38:54-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 5


Mom as the Role-Model For Being Godly

The Bible tells us in Romans to “not be conformed to the pattern of this world…” But what does that mean? Especially for girls today who are inundated with the culture around them, they need to see what it means to be Godly.  There are several ways that a mom can “not conform”.  First is the current “idol” of materialism and money.  Where is our focus as moms, is it keeping up with those around us or is it “learning to be content” as Paul teaches?

Moms for the most part exemplify sacrifice.  We are the ones who constantly must put ourselves on the back burner for the needs of our children.  It is our attitude about it however that sets us apart.  Are we grumbling or acting the martyr or are we considering everything “pure joy”, even the sleepless nights or behavior battles?

Again there are so many more ways to communicate and exemplify for your daughter what it means to be a Godly woman. Take the time to look up Proverbs 31 to see what the wisest man in the world considered to be Godly, as well as Galatians 5:22-25 for what Godly attributes we should have.


And as always listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 52013-06-20T22:32:26-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 4


Mom As The Role-Model For Wife

We have said countless times that children learn most often by observation.  One of the awesome privileges that mom has is to role-model for her daughter what it means to be a godly wife. There are many ways she can do this.  First the Bible calls the wife to respect her husband.  One of the ways we do this is by our words.  What do our children hear us say about our spouse? How do we respond to our spouse in front of our children? This is one of the ways we can role-model respect making sure that the things we say edify and build him up.

Secondly, we can role-model healthy communication.  Even though we may not always agree we are able to work things out.  Our children should be able to observe our healthy interactions day to day.

There are so many more ways that a mom can role- model what it means to be a godly wife.  Listen to today’s podcast for more.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 42013-06-20T22:30:52-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 3


Mom Shouldn’t Relive Childhood/Teen Years Through Daughter

Many times in the residential program I observed moms who didn’t set up boundaries between themselves and their children, their daughters in particular.  In other words there was no adult/child line.  You couldn’t tell by behavior and dress who was the adult and who was the child.  This obviously created major problems.

There may be many motivations behind this kind of relationship.  The first is that mom maybe trying to relive her youth through her daughter, by the way she dresses and acts.  The second reason may be that mom wants her daughter to be her friend so she hasn’t set up boundaries.  It is hard to treat a daughter as a friend and then all of a sudden turn the tables on her and try to be her authority figure when she has disobeyed.  This is very confusing for a child/teen and can cause rebellion.  The other thing that can happen with this friend type relationship is the mom can treat her child as a confidant.  This again is not a healthy relationship because a child should not have to carry their parent’s secrets or burdens.  A mother needs to work hard to set up the parent/child boundaries so that later she can enjoy her adult daughter’s friendship.


For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 32013-06-20T22:29:30-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 2


Mom As The Gender Role-Model

The number one role-model for how a girl feels about her gender is mom.   If mom is not taking the time to role-model what it means to be a woman them her daughter will attempt to find these answers in the culture around her.  This can be very confusing.  There are so many extreme definitions of what it means to be a woman everything from using your body to get attention to ignoring your femininity all together.

Mom must help her daughter find the balance of all that culture is throwing her way. She must help her daughter to understand that true beauty is found on the inside. Mom herself also needs to role-model self respect and modesty so her daughter can observe it. Moms have the awesome privilege of helping their daughters embrace and celebrate their gender. Take the time to enjoy it!


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 22013-06-20T22:27:57-04:00

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 1


The Unique Dynamic in the Relationship

So many moms dream of the day where they will have a baby girl,  and for many the dreams don’t stop there.  They think that their daughter will be their buddy to do things with as they grow. And while sometimes this is true, why is it that for so many this is such a rocky relationship, especially in the teen years?

Mothers and daughters have a unique relationship and when it is working its awesome, but when it is not it can be explosive as I have observed many times with our residential girls and their moms.

Many times it is simply a communication issue.  Girls and Moms don’t know how to talk to each other.  Again, I have observed many times girls and moms talking AT each other and not TO.  Mothers need to train their daughter how to communicate. Click here for our two week long series on this topic.  It starts with listening.  Moms need to start taking the time to listen to their daughters. Often tines mom, if she will take the time, is the only one who is able to see through her daughters emoting to what the true issue is.  Check back this week as we look more deeply into the topic of mothers and daughters.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

Mothers & Daughters with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 12013-06-20T22:26:30-04:00