The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5


When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 52019-10-10T10:27:20-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 4


How Competition and Performance Impacts a Child’s Self-Esteem

We discussed earlier this week that our self-esteem is determined by answering the question of whose we are.    If that is the case we need to look at what He created us to be.  He made us human beings not human doings.  Our self worth cannot be established by what we do.  This is an important lesson to teach our children early on.

We have also spent time discussing how to help their self-esteem by communicating that our love is not attached to our child’s performance.  How do we guard them from finding their self-esteem through all of the extra curricular activities in their lives that society would deem important?  One way is to teach them the art of loosing.  We need to show them that it’s not about the win but the effort you put in.  This is such an important lesson to learn early on because if not our children will be looking for that next “win” even in adulthood.  What we do, or don’t do, doesn’t define who we are.  At the end of the day what we do needs to be left on the field.  Our gaze needs to be upward focused on the day where we can hear “Well Done” from our Heavenly Father.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 42019-10-10T10:21:53-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 3


How Discipline Compliments Self-Esteem

How does discipline affect self-esteem?  It seems that many today would think that disciplining a child would hurt their self-esteem, which is why we have so many homes with so little rules.  In fact the opposite is true.  When a child has no consistent boundaries placed around them they feel very insecure.  Just like a fish that has been taken out of the safe boundary of the water they thrive in.

How we discipline our children is the key to this.  We must have a consistent plan in place for discipline because when we do not we become the consequence.   We also must be very careful not to remove our relationship as we discipline.   Which means no yelling or constant lecturing.   Be intentional to restore relationship as part of the discipline process.  Say something like this, “I’m so sorry that you have chosen to go to bed early tonight because of your attitude earlier.  It makes me sad that you chose to go to bed because I was looking forward to spending time with you.  I love you very much, which is why we are working on this area. “  Calmly explain the reason for the consequence and reaffirm our love for the child.  This way when we are consistent with our discipline the child can make the connection that they chose the consequence because of their behavior, it is not that we are mad at them or love them less today.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.


The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 32019-10-10T10:20:26-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2


Where does Self-Esteem Begin in a Child’s Development Process?

When does our child’s self-esteem begin to be built? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding.  Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security.  A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The thing that we need to remember is that, unlike God, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.   That is actually a relieving thought; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all may have the best of intentions but we will make mistakes.  Admitting these mistakes will actually help your child through these moments. We can also use these times as a teaching tool, although mom and dad aren’t perfect their Heavenly Father is.

We can also communicate our love when our child makes a mistake.  Our child must know that we love them not how they perform.  We can create this environment by verbally communicating our love even when they have messed up or broken a rule.  We will talk more tomorrow about self-esteem and discipline.


Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 22019-10-10T10:26:17-04:00

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1


What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 12019-10-10T10:11:35-04:00

The ongoing process of the development of self-esteem


How did the Joseph of Genesis 37 thru 50 have such a strong self-esteem that he never caved into the temptations of Potiphar’s wife?  He knew the One to whom he belonged.  Joseph never caved into the culture around him because he had learned, over a period of time, that God was really in control and that God had a dream for him.

Growing to a point of feeling good about who you are, because you know Whose you are takes much more than religion (more…)

The ongoing process of the development of self-esteem2009-11-25T09:51:32-04:00

Developing a healthy self-esteem in your child


iStock_000000583468XSmall father-daughter bibleAs we discussed yesterday, Mom plays a very significant part in the development of the child’s self-esteem. As the child grows past infancy dad plays an equally significant role.  It’s very important, however, for parents to understand that they will be handing off the self-esteem baton.

Parents always play a part in affirming the worth of the child, but parents aren’t always around.  A two decade training process takes place of pointing a child toward the right audience of affirmation.  One way or another (more…)

Developing a healthy self-esteem in your child2009-11-25T09:51:02-04:00

What part do parents play in the development of a healthy self-esteem?


mother & son

The way a child assesses his or her worth is definitely a process that is developed over time.  Over a period of years a child learns that he has worth either by what he can do well (best athlete amongst his peers) or by the way he is unconditionally loved.  In other words, he learns to feel loved either by what he can do or who he is.

It is the very important job of the parent, especially mom initially, to help the child feel loved without condition.  To appraise his value by whose he is rather than (more…)

What part do parents play in the development of a healthy self-esteem?2009-11-25T09:50:34-04:00

Exactly what is self-esteem?


Healthy self-esteem has nothing to do with performance, although you wouldn’t know it in our culture.  Giving all the children in the class the same grades so that no one gets their feelings hurt doesn’t prepare any child for the real world they will face… and we are supposed to be preparing them for the real world aren’t we?   (more…)

Exactly what is self-esteem?2009-11-25T09:49:59-04:00