Signal Behavior | Part 5

Signal Behavior | Part 5

Apr 28

Remember This Is A Long Term Project

We spoke yesterday about continuing the training into the teen years.  This is one of those areas in parenting that is a long term project.  This training is a marathon not a sprint.  We can’t give up when it feels like the communication training we worked hard on in the early childhood years seems like it is needed again, and more than ever in the teen years.  Some of the behaviors may even look the same as many parents of teens can attest as they watch a teenage temper tantrum. We just have to keep at the communication training and not reinforcing the negative behavior.  Many adults around us have not been trained to communicate and can be seen acting out as a result of pain.  Those people are very hard to be married to and difficult to employ.  This is why we must focus on the day to day process of training in communication and remember it is worth running this marathon for our child’s future!

Isaiah 40:31 “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Signal Behavior | Part 4

Signal Behavior | Part 4

Apr 27

Continuing Communication Training In The Teen Years

We’ve spent a lot of this week talking about signal behavior with younger children.  Acting out with temper tantrums and other negative behavior.  But what about when it happens in older children and teens?  This age also acts out when they are hurting but there are other things that happen as well.

There was a few ways to tell when one of our residential girls was in pain and didn’t know how to express it.  She would be mean to the other girls in the house, she would become sullen, or she would pull away and withdraw.  I had to train these girls that I was a safe place to come in and talk when they were hurting, so I had to read the signs and begin the process of helping them communicate through it.

I found that when a girl was really struggling to communicate finding a neutral turf was the best to get them to talk.  Either taking them out to lunch or even just talking when we were doing another activity, like playing basketball or painting nails depending on the girl.   Don’t allow your child to withdraw and more importantly don’t take it personally. Pursue your child and continue the communication training!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Signal Behavior | Part 3

Signal Behavior | Part 3

Apr 26

Developing Healthy Communication Skills

Developing healthy communication skills is one of the most important areas of Parenting.  If someone can’t communicate what’s going on inside them they will find marriage very difficult. They will hide in a shell, medicate or explode.  As a parent we need to find the line of dealing with the behavior but making sure we are also training our child to communicate what is wrong.  We also cannot let them get what they want by means of negative behavior.

Currently, as I am writing this my three year old has started struggling with bedtime again. He has been getting out of his bed because he knows that mommy or daddy will have to come in to discipline.  He is seeking relationship and is communicating through his behavior that he needs one of us to be with him. This behavior has started again because he is working through being an older brother and having to share mommy’s attention with his two-month-old baby brother.  He doesn’t know how to verbalize these feelings, and may not completely understand that he is having them, so he is reaching out for relationship with his negative behavior.  We have to be very careful not to reinforce him getting up.  So we wait for a time where he is laying in his bed, doing what he is suppose to, at that point we can go back in to lie down with him to talk and reinforce how important he is to us.  Make sure that you are reading the signal behavior and not reinforcing negative behavior but teaching your child to communicate using it.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
Signal Behavior | Part 2

Signal Behavior | Part 2

Apr 25

Teaching Children To Talk About Their Feelings

Learning how to communicate your feelings is a vital skill for children to learn. Learning to talk through an issue rather than have an emotional outburst is something that is key to marriage and employment.  It is so important that we spent and entire series that was dedicated to communication.  Check out The Importance of Teaching Your Child To Communicate.

Listen to today’s podcast as well for more insight.

 
Signal Behavior | Part 1

Signal Behavior | Part 1

Apr 24

Defining Signal Behavior

The assumption is that kids are born able to communicate. Why would anyone married over a week think that people are automatically able to communicate? We actually spend a lifetime developing our means of communication, more importantly we have to be taught to communicate.

Take my 3 year old son. Everything’s fine. He gets into the car seat with his mother and grandmother up front. We are talking to each other, not him.  He wants to be the center of his world so he starts speaking or singing loudly in order to get us to pay attention.  If we don’t he escalates the attempt by asking things repeatedly or even misbehaving.  Before we know it we are reinforcing negative behavior to get attention.

When we can’t talk we still communicate.  We just speak a language that is more difficult to understand: The language of behavior. We are going to spend the rest of this week discussing signal behavior and how we listen to it.  A verse to remember this week is  James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic