single parent

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2

2017-05-17T17:23:32+00:00

Don’t Degrade His Gender

It is very easy for us to take out frustrations and stress on the people around us, and unfortunately it is most often on the people that we love most. Especially, when we have been hurt we can even unconsciously take out our pain and anger on those we love, i.e. our children.  For those who have suffered through a divorce, especially those with sons we need to be aware of this.

We need to make certain that we are not making negative statements about the male gender as a whole.  A son will not only look to his mom for the affirmation of his gender but ultimately to define what it looks like.  This is vitally important for a son’s development but also for the mother son relationship.  If a mother cannot affirm his gender, the relationship with her son will be strained.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for practical ways to affirm a son’s gender.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2 2017-05-17T17:23:32+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5

2013-07-10T11:19:06+00:00

Be Content With What You CAN Do

It is easy as a single parent to get overwhelmed at the parenting task before you.  One of the things to do when this happens is to focus on all the things that you can do as a single parent.  One of those things is finding a mentor.  This is someone who you can lean on even set up a weekly coffee/ lunch time to have someone to bounce of parenting ideas with.  This must be a woman that you trust and someone who is very Godly, so that you know you are going to be getting wise godly counsel.  The next area that you can look for support is family.  Many family members would be more then willing to watch the kids, while mom spends a little bit of sanity time by herself, even if it is grocery shopping.

Finally and most importantly the person who you can lean on most for comfort and support is our Heavenly Father.  It is amazing that the One who can give is the most comfort is often the One we go to last. Daily choose to give your situation and your children to God.  Make it a daily absolute that you are finding time to spend in prayer and in scripture! Remember He knows about our circumstances, feels our pain and loves our children even more then we do!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5 2013-07-10T11:19:06+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4

2013-07-10T17:29:57+00:00

Don’t Depend on Him For Your Self-Esteem

One thing that we have reiterated several times on parenting today is that we cannot allow our self-esteem as parents to be wrapped up in our children. If our emotions are tied to their performance then we cannot discipline properly or be objective. This is very true for the single mother.  She cannot allow her self worth as a mother be tied to how her children are doing. Often times if a son isn’t doing well it is easy for a mom to beat herself up. On the other hand she also can not push him hard finding her self- worth through his success. She needs to remove the emotion from it in order to get proper perspective. Click Here to see our previous week on the topic of performance and parenting.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4 2013-07-10T17:29:57+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3

2017-05-17T17:19:13+00:00

Give Him Independence

We spoke last week about how important it is to allow your son to begin to make his own decisions.  We must do this in order to begin to instill leadership characteristics in our son.  This is even more important for the single mom to make this a priority. This is in fact a two part process for the single mom especially if there is an older son.

The older son needs his mom to cheer his decisions and not attempt to make them for him.  He must be allowed to fail in order to learn. The other thing that is equally important for the single mom to process is that she cannot lean on her son for emotional support.  He cannot be a male “replacement” or someone to vent to.  He must be allowed to stay in the role as child.  Mom must be careful to put up boundaries in the adult/child relationship and not begin to lean on or emotionally confide in her children.  If this is an area of need in her life she needs to seek out a godly friend or even a counselor to vent to.

Another thing to always remember is that we are never alone, no matter how lonely we feel.  Our Heavenly Father promises He will never leave us or forsake us!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more practical application on giving your son independence.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3 2017-05-17T17:19:13+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 10

2012-01-23T14:55:46+00:00

Dealing With The “Yeast” of Fear

Many of us, especially in this time of uncertainty in society, allow ourselves to live in fear.  We fear the economic state, the state of our country, and sadly for many even the fear of losing their homes.  But the single parent can have many other very real fears to deal with, such as the fear losing the custody, the love, the affection of the child. We all have to get to a point where we are not allowing ourselves to be run by fear, especially the single parent.  The problem is some of the children’s comments that are made, sometimes simply out of anger, can feed those fears. They will use comments like: “I hate being here. I want to go to dad’s… etc…”  When we allow these comments affect us, we’re giving them power and allowing them to intimidate you and make choices that are not good for themselves.
Do the right thing… no matter what happens in the other house.
Take a courageous close look your motives for the choices you make. Is it really in the best of the kids, or is it out of emotions of fear?
Jesus reminds us in Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” A good reminder for all of us to focus on!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Single Parent | Part 10 2012-01-23T14:55:46+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 9

2012-01-23T14:50:55+00:00

Dealing With the “Yeast” of Competition

Another important issue to discuss is how to deal with the competitive feelings if the other parent is in the picture.  It is only natural to want to be the one that is the “best parent” in the children’s eyes as well as those around you.  But allowing those feelings to take root and impact the way you do things is unhealthy. One way to fight this is to know WHO you are and be confident enough, not jealous, to love your kids and be FOR them no matter what they get or experience in the other house. Don’t put the children in a position of having to choose what house they prefer.
Be mature enough to be excited for the kids – even if it’s to the advantage of the ex. They need to feel safe enough to express anything to you without you using what they share to degrade the other parent.
Don’t compete for the love, like, attention or custody of the kids.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Single Parent | Part 9 2012-01-23T14:50:55+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 8

2012-01-23T14:49:29+00:00

Dealing With The “Yeast” of Anger

For any parent it is important to know how to manage your anger.  The reason for this is if we allow our anger to get out of control we react to our children in a way that we would not intend to.  We can get to a point where if not dealt with we can even take out our anger on our children.  It is extremely important in a single parent home that anger is managed because there isn’t another adult in the home to be accountable to in this area.

The first thing that we need to do in dealing with anger is know what your “anger triggers” are.  Who or what are the things that push your buttons and cause you to become angry?  Secondly what happens when you become angry or how do you normally act/react when you feel angry?  It is important to know both of these things because you will have to put a plan in place to work on any anger issues.

James 1:19-20 can serve as a great reminder to us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Single Parent | Part 8 2012-01-23T14:49:29+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 7

2012-01-23T14:48:17+00:00

Dealing With The “Yeast” of Guilt

We have discussed taking back your mindset,  today we are going to discuss taking back your parenting.  This means that we need to deal with the guilt of the situation. Many times in a single parent home two things can happen, because of guilt the children are dictating a parenting plan or the exhaustion of a parent is dictating a parenting plan.  When this happens it only adds to the frustration and confusion of all because there is no consistency.  Find a plan, a simple plan, and stick with it.  Don’t’ allow yourself to come in exhausted from a day and give in because you just “don’t feel like dealing with it”.  This will only lead to greater problems in the future.  A great series to check out to help with this is called “The Power of No”, click here to check it out.

Remember why you are doing what you are doing.  Long term goal is not to be your children’s friend but to be their parent, their trainer.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 

The Single Parent | Part 7 2012-01-23T14:48:17+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 6

2012-01-23T14:44:24+00:00

Getting The Right Mindset- Part 2

We can all get caught up in the “tyranny of the urgent” lifestyle but that is not conducive for meeting long -term goals.  Because the focus needs to be on long-term goals two questions must be asked.  What are the goals for the family/parenting? What are things that can derail the goals in my life?

Secondly we need to focus on the hope that is there for us.  We have mentioned before that we are not in this alone.  God is the one who is orchestrating our lives if we allow Him to.  That in and of itself should bring great comfort.  It is also a great reminder that some of the worlds top leaders from the early 1900s, and many today,  had something in common, they were raised by single mothers.

Take the time to sit down and cast vision for yourself and your family.  Then break it down into long term and short term goals.  When you can take a step back and focus on the big picture it helps us in the day to day.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Single Parent | Part 6 2012-01-23T14:44:24+00:00

The Single Parent | Part 5

2012-01-17T13:51:46+00:00

Getting the Right Mindset

Finally this week we are going to discuss one more choice that needs to be made.  Decide what makes a family and do it.  First is, allowing children to be children.  This may mean setting up some boundaries.  Remind yourself that you are the parent and not their friend.  This may mean that they are not your confidant.  Make sure that you find a friend or prayer partner that you can confide in.  When you place this role on your children, usually the oldest, you put to much on their shoulders.  They need to be allowed to have a childhood.

Secondly when we think of family we think of traditions.  Take the time to have traditions in your home.  Holiday traditions are important but even weekly or monthly traditions can help create the family atmosphere.   Something like a fun breakfast on Saturday or once a month service project are memories that your children will have as they grow up.

Finally remind yourself Whose children they really are anyway.   It is such an amazing thing that God chooses to entrust us with these little lives.  Encourage yourself with the knowledge that you were chosen as the parent of your children.  God doesn’t make mistakes!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 

The Single Parent | Part 5 2012-01-17T13:51:46+00:00