sons

Raising Boys | Part 4

2017-10-05T11:20:59+00:00

Protecting Their Eyes

This topic may be one of the biggest things to strike fear into a mother’s heart, well and the thought of their son behind the wheel of a car. We cannot deny the prevalence of issues like pornography in our society. The mainstream world has become a lot more accepting of pornography. It is loosing is stigma and in some places viewed as normal. With the invention of the internet and smart-phones we are in a time where it has become unbelievably accessible. There are even apps available whose purpose is to create a place for “sexting”. It is can be very overwhelming and make a parent want to bury their head in the sand. But for the protection of our sons we can’t.

One of the first things we can do as parents is to create boundaries. Computers should be in family areas like the living room and not the bedroom. Phones should be plugged in overnight, not in a bedroom. You can even put restrictions and passwords on things like Ipads and computers to protect younger children from wandering accidentally. The biggest thing we can do as a parent is teach them the “why”. Why fight this battle? If I don’t know the “why this is important”, I won’t go to the effort to fight it. We need to raise our children to love and serve Christ. This is “caught and taught” by the people closest to them, their family. God gives us the mandate and the how to do this in Deuteronomy 6:5-9. Take the time to read through this passage and think through how you can realistically apply it to your family.

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Raising Boys | Part 4 2017-10-05T11:20:59+00:00

Raising Boys | Part 3

2017-10-05T11:20:54+00:00

Over-Mothering Your Boy- Part 2

Yesterday, we discussed how it is easy to fall into the trap of over mothering your son. Like we stated boys have a God given desire to be conquerors or adventures. So how do we allow for that spirit while keeping appropriate expectations. If you think about it, there are some societal expectations that are unrealistic for some boys. Take school, boys having to sit still at a desk for long periods may be hard for them. So when your son gets home make sure he has time to get some energy out. If not there may be some behavior problems around dinner time from pent up energy.

To make sure that you are not hovering over your son make sure to clearly communicate your expectations and the rewards and consequences for behavior ahead of time. Then take a step back and allow him to choose. Utilizing your parenting plan is imperative to avoid the over-mothering trap. For more on creating a parenting plan, click here.

 

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Raising Boys | Part 3 2017-10-05T11:20:54+00:00

Raising Boys | Part 2

2017-10-05T11:20:45+00:00

Over-Mothering Your Boy – Part 1

One of the pitfalls to avoid is over mothering. There are many reasons where this may be the case. Culturally, it may be how the parent observed all boys raised. As a single mom it would be easy to over mother the opposite gender in the desire to raise them right. Many parents in a reaction to the culture, are tempted to over parent or become helicopter parents with the goal of protecting the children from the world around them. Clearly, you want to make sure that you are doing everything that you can to keep your child safe but we must find the balance especially as moms to not crush their conqueror and explorer hearts.   We need to be able to find an outlet for them to run, jump and explore. My youngest, for example, is like a bull in a china closet. He wants to jump off everything. Now obviously, as a three year old it isn’t appropriate for me to allow him to jump off the top of a playground. I must find the balance however, of wanting to run around behind him saying ,”oh!”, “be careful!” and “watch out”. I need to give him space as he grows and not hover, keeping a watchful eye of course, but allow him to “conquer” the playground or tree. We want to raise boys who can be conquerors or heroes where God calls them.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Raising Boys | Part 2 2017-10-05T11:20:45+00:00

Raising Boys | Part 1

2017-10-05T11:20:24+00:00

The Difference From Raising Girls

On some levels of society we want to shy away from gender stereotyping but then if you look into the world of toys there are few gender neutral toys. Wandering through the toy section at a Target for example you can see the girl’s isles are an explosion of pink, dress up and dolls of all varieties. The boy’s isles are dark colors cars, trains, super heroes or warriors and Nerf guns. This in and of itself would suggest that boys and girls are different in their tastes. I have had the privilege of working in the residential homes at Sheridan House. The girls homes as a behavioral specialist for almost 10 years and then as a house parent in the boys homes. It was amazing to be able to observe the differences in teens of the same age. The girls were driven mostly by relational rewards; and the boys by “at-a-boys” and trophies. The girls wanted to stay up late for the privilege of sitting in my office and talking or painting nails. The boys wanted to stay up late to have the privilege of playing xbox or pool. So if we were to generalize and sum up a difference between the genders, girls are relational creatures while boys are conquerors. In order to create appropriate parenting plans we need to know what makes them tick. This week we are going to unpack what it means to raise boys.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic

Raising Boys | Part 1 2017-10-05T11:20:24+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2

2017-05-17T17:23:32+00:00

Don’t Degrade His Gender

It is very easy for us to take out frustrations and stress on the people around us, and unfortunately it is most often on the people that we love most. Especially, when we have been hurt we can even unconsciously take out our pain and anger on those we love, i.e. our children.  For those who have suffered through a divorce, especially those with sons we need to be aware of this.

We need to make certain that we are not making negative statements about the male gender as a whole.  A son will not only look to his mom for the affirmation of his gender but ultimately to define what it looks like.  This is vitally important for a son’s development but also for the mother son relationship.  If a mother cannot affirm his gender, the relationship with her son will be strained.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for practical ways to affirm a son’s gender.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2 2017-05-17T17:23:32+00:00

The Power of Our Words | Part 4

2014-09-09T12:58:00+00:00

Investing in Your Son

Verbally investing in your children needs to be something that is done daily.  We discussed the importance of investing in your daughter, but what about a son?

Four words that go a very long way for a son are, “I’m Proud of You!”  Affirmation for a young boy is pivotal.  For a girl it seems that they ultimately want to hear, “I notice you, because you are important to me.”  For a boy it is more, “ I notice what you are doing, because you are important to me.”  How many times do we hear from our sons, mom/dad watch this?  They want to know that they are doing a good job and that we are proud of the job they are doing. This seems to be the child version of the verses in Ephesians 5. These verses on marriage  discuss the needs of the male and female.  Men need the respect of their wives and wives need to feel the unconditional love of their husbands.

Remember, even if things aren’t done exactly how we would want them, we must applaud the effort.  Applauding effort not only outcomes is key!  For example, if you have given your young son a job, like cleaning up his toys, even if they are not put back exactly how you would have there still needs to be affirmation and encouragement.  This goes such along way!  If a boy doesn’t receive this affirmation, especially from dad, he may go through his life constantly seeking the approval of others.

Make sure that you are looking for ways to affirm your son and remind him just how proud you are of his effort in whatever he does!!!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the power of your words in your son’s life!

The Power of Our Words | Part 4 2014-09-09T12:58:00+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5

2013-07-10T11:19:06+00:00

Be Content With What You CAN Do

It is easy as a single parent to get overwhelmed at the parenting task before you.  One of the things to do when this happens is to focus on all the things that you can do as a single parent.  One of those things is finding a mentor.  This is someone who you can lean on even set up a weekly coffee/ lunch time to have someone to bounce of parenting ideas with.  This must be a woman that you trust and someone who is very Godly, so that you know you are going to be getting wise godly counsel.  The next area that you can look for support is family.  Many family members would be more then willing to watch the kids, while mom spends a little bit of sanity time by herself, even if it is grocery shopping.

Finally and most importantly the person who you can lean on most for comfort and support is our Heavenly Father.  It is amazing that the One who can give is the most comfort is often the One we go to last. Daily choose to give your situation and your children to God.  Make it a daily absolute that you are finding time to spend in prayer and in scripture! Remember He knows about our circumstances, feels our pain and loves our children even more then we do!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5 2013-07-10T11:19:06+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4

2013-07-10T17:29:57+00:00

Don’t Depend on Him For Your Self-Esteem

One thing that we have reiterated several times on parenting today is that we cannot allow our self-esteem as parents to be wrapped up in our children. If our emotions are tied to their performance then we cannot discipline properly or be objective. This is very true for the single mother.  She cannot allow her self worth as a mother be tied to how her children are doing. Often times if a son isn’t doing well it is easy for a mom to beat herself up. On the other hand she also can not push him hard finding her self- worth through his success. She needs to remove the emotion from it in order to get proper perspective. Click Here to see our previous week on the topic of performance and parenting.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4 2013-07-10T17:29:57+00:00

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3

2017-05-17T17:19:13+00:00

Give Him Independence

We spoke last week about how important it is to allow your son to begin to make his own decisions.  We must do this in order to begin to instill leadership characteristics in our son.  This is even more important for the single mom to make this a priority. This is in fact a two part process for the single mom especially if there is an older son.

The older son needs his mom to cheer his decisions and not attempt to make them for him.  He must be allowed to fail in order to learn. The other thing that is equally important for the single mom to process is that she cannot lean on her son for emotional support.  He cannot be a male “replacement” or someone to vent to.  He must be allowed to stay in the role as child.  Mom must be careful to put up boundaries in the adult/child relationship and not begin to lean on or emotionally confide in her children.  If this is an area of need in her life she needs to seek out a godly friend or even a counselor to vent to.

Another thing to always remember is that we are never alone, no matter how lonely we feel.  Our Heavenly Father promises He will never leave us or forsake us!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more practical application on giving your son independence.

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3 2017-05-17T17:19:13+00:00