teenagers

The Rebellious Teen | Part 5

2013-05-02T20:54:54+00:00

Find The Parenting Balance

There are many great principles to remember when parenting.  One is that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  Secondly, we are not responsible for the outcome of our effort.  We have to leave the results up to God.  These are two principles to hold on to when we are dealing with a rebellious child.

First because there is no such thing as a perfect parent we can always look for ways to improve and better our parenting.  With this attitude of always learning we wont have to look back 20 years from now and think “I wish I had…” we will be able to say, “I’m so glad I did!”

That being said if we are continually pursuing relationship with God, our spouse and our children, we aren’t responsible for the outcome just the effort we put in.  Remember that even the “Perfect Trainer” had a Judas in His “family” of twelve.  We have to let go and leave the end results up to God.

Never give up!!!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

The Rebellious Teen | Part 5 2013-05-02T20:54:54+00:00

The Rebellious Teen | Part 4

2013-05-02T20:34:57+00:00

Respond, Not React

One of the ways to make sure that you are not reacting is to take time to look deeper at what is going on in the teen’s life.  Are there reasons that can be found for this rebellion? Something like a recent change, such as a move, divorce, loss, etc?  Is there a statement that the teen is trying to get across by the rebellion?  Can a root problem be labeled; they are lonely, feel unapproved of or fighting God?

Next, study your child.  Observe the outside influences.  Who are their friends? Have they pulled away from their normal friends and being influenced by a new crowd?   Take the time to talk to their teachers, youth leaders or counselor to see if there is any insight to be gained.  Next develop a plan that is patterned after Ephesians 6:4.  A plan that deals with the rebellious behavior, doesn’t compromise on the direct defiance but fights the war not each and every skirmish.

Keep a focus on Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. “(He loved us anyway).

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Rebellious Teen | Part 4 2013-05-02T20:34:57+00:00

The Rebellious Teen | Part 3

2013-05-01T15:02:09+00:00

Don’t Let Your Teen Dictate Your Relationship

When dealing with a rebellious teen, it can be difficult to want to pursue relationship.  It may seem like your teen is pushing you away, but it doesn’t mean that we give up on relationship.  Just like we mentioned yesterday that relationship is key for the teen years.  In fact, the more it seems like our child is rebelling the more important that pursuit of relationship is.  It is also important to remember that we can’t be their best friend.  It is a balance with a line of authority.  We can however be their greatest fan.  Make sure especially during these times of push back that we are not only applauding victory, but cheering on the effort.

Affection is another area that may be difficult for a parent with a teen who is challenging them.  It is so easy when a child is younger because there is constant affection and touch as we are holding them and helping them do things.  Look for ways of age appropriate touch with your teen.

Finally, the “don’ts”, don’t waste time thinking about what you can’t do; do what you can.  Don’t waste time thinking about what wasn’t done for you; do what you know you need to do for your teen.

Take the time to continually pursue your teen, regardless of their initial response.  And above all pray! Pray for your child’s heart and your wisdom through this period.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 

The Rebellious Teen | Part 3 2013-05-01T15:02:09+00:00

The Rebellious Teen | Part 2

2013-04-30T12:53:33+00:00

How To Find Out Why Your Teen Is Angry

There is a secret key to unlocking your teenager and that is relationship.  We, of course, need a balance of relationship and discipline but pursuing relationship is key for the teenage years.  It is easy think, “a teen doesn’t want to spend time with a parent, so by giving them space am I not giving them what they want?” The answer is no.  A teen wants to feel that they are valued, that they belong and that they have a purpose.  Like we said yesterday a teen feels as though they don’t completely fit in society so we need to make sure that they have a secure sense of belonging and purpose with in our family.  Things that we value, we give our time and attention.  During the teenage years we need to make sure that we are taking time to spend quality time with our teen one on one.  This is where a weekly “date” with our child does wonders.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic

The Rebellious Teen | Part 2 2013-04-30T12:53:33+00:00

The Rebellious Teen | Part 1

2013-04-30T12:54:42+00:00

Why It’s Such A Difficult Season

The teenage years can be a difficult season for even the “easiest” of children, but for those who are challenging it can be overwhelming.  We are going to spend the next two weeks looking at teens and rebellion and what we as parents can do about it.  We need to look at why it is such a difficult season for all included.  First, consider that we have reached a point in our culture where teens just don’t fit in anywhere.   They are the in-between.  They are not children but they aren’t considered adults either.  What has changed for teens in the past 100 or so years?  The teens of past generations got married half way through their teenage years.  This means they didn’t have to deal with their budding sexuality.  They also didn’t have to function in an over sexualized culture.  They belonged to something bigger than self, a family unit that probably included lots of extended family.  They knew where they were needed in the family and knew their purpose.  They also spent their teenage years easing into adulthood.   There was a usually some kind of right of passage.  They had a lot less outside influences to filter through.  If we look at it in this way it shows a pretty serious cultural shift from past generations.

Check back for more on teens and rebellion over the next two weeks.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Rebellious Teen | Part 1 2013-04-30T12:54:42+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 5

2011-01-31T11:31:47+00:00

Never Give Up! Your Teen Needs You

There are definitely days in parenting that are frustrating, some down right discouraging.  There are times where discouraging thoughts run rampant.  Thoughts such as, “ are they ever going to get this” or “ am I a bad parent?”  We can’t allow frustration or discouragement to overwhelm us and above all never give up!

Through the times of discouragement with your teen focus on pursuing the relationship with them, it is easier for a child to fall under the rules when they know how much you love them.  Make sure that if you are “butting heads” with your teen, you are going overboard communicating your love.

Take some time to focus on how our Savior led his twelve “adolescents.” During the final week of Jesus ministry as He is heading up to Jerusalem, He is sharing once again with His disciples about what will happen in the next few days.  They begin to argue about who is the most important, completely missing the point.  He goes on to teach them about servant leadership.  One of the final things He does for His disciples during the Last Supper, is wash their feet.  He does this even with His heart  burdened by Judas and what is to come in the next few hours.  We need to practice with our family what Jesus has shown us here.  Spend time thinking through how you can serve your children.  Is there a specific way to show love to that difficult teen by serving?

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teenagers.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 5 2011-01-31T11:31:47+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 4

2011-01-31T17:20:01+00:00

Be Their Greatest Fan, Not Their Best Friend

There is something that needs to be established from early childhood that becomes very important in the teen years, and that is the boundary line between adult and child.  There needs to be a definite line of authority in the house and that is the parent.  We need to have taught our children that no means no, there will be no amount of whining or begging that will change it.   When children get to be older teens this can be a difficult time if these boundaries have not been established because they can struggle with feeling they are equals with their parents, especially as they are approaching adulthood.  With out these lines, there can be times when teens may manipulate and even bully their parents to get their way.  We must establish that no means no and we are not there to be their “buddy”.

That being said it is our job to be our child’s cheerleader.  When we are communicating good job, even cheering, when our children make the right choice discipline may become easier for our child to take.  The silly Mary Poppins song is a great reminder, “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”   We need to make sure that when our children are doing the right thing and making the right choices we are verbally praising them.  Our cheers need to be the sugar for the times of correction!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teenagers.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 4 2011-01-31T17:20:01+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 3

2011-01-31T13:10:43+00:00

Don’t Let Your Teen Take Charge of the Home Atmosphere

Teens, like toddlers temper tantrums, have emotional outbursts that can make parents feel immobilized.  For some the outbursts are done through the shock value of raised voices or mean statements, for some it is done through subtle manipulation, and still others attempt to use the sullen I don’t care attitude.  Our job as parents is to not allow these emotional outbursts to dictate the atmosphere of our home.

Some teens don’t know how to communicate that they have had a bad day at school, and because of their emotional immaturity hold their family hostage by their mood.  We need to see through this behavior and try to get to the root of what is going on.  For example, if your teen is being surly at the dinner table then a warning that if the attitude continues they will be excused, needs to happen.  If the attitude continues and they are excused from the table, don’t just leave it at that.  Give your teen a few minutes and go sit on the edge of their bed.  Communicate that their behavior at the table was unacceptable but you are here to be a listening ear if they need to talk.  Right there the boundary for acceptable attitudes have been established but the relationship has also been made a priority.  Don’t allow your teen to hold the rest of your family hostage or dictate how the evening will go by their attitudes.  Take charge but be sure to later communicate your support.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 3 2011-01-31T13:10:43+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 2

2011-01-27T00:26:55+00:00

Choosing to Go After the Relationship

It is so important for your teenager that through all the ups and downs the parent-child relationship is a priority.  This does not mean that you throw out boundaries and attempt to be your child’s friend, which we will discuss later this week.  This means that we constantly attempt to pursue our child, spend time with them and restore relationship after discipline.

Choosing to pursue your child during the teen years maybe difficult but it is necessary.  Try to find things that you do have in common or attempt to learn the things that your child is into at the moment.   One of the most important things to communicate your love and support to your teen is to spend time with them.  This is when it’s so important to take the time to “date” your son or daughter.  Going out with them individually creates a neutral place for them to share.  Make sure that you are a listening ear during these times and not just taking the opportunity to lecture.

It is also imperative that you work to restore relationship after your teen pushes the boundaries.   As parents, we need to be the ones who are acting like the adult and making the first move after discipline, no matter how frustrated we are.  Go sit on your child’s bed at night and reassure them that you love them unconditionally.   Choosing to make this relationship a priority, even through the hard times, will ultimately emulate their Heavenly Father’s love for them.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 2 2011-01-27T00:26:55+00:00

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 1

2011-01-27T00:26:49+00:00

Why Teens Just Don’t Fit In

There are a few stages in a child’s life that leave parents feeling over-whelmed.  The first seems to be so daunting that we have nicknamed it “the terrible twos.”  The second, which appears to be not completely unlike the first, is those dreaded teen years.  Many parents report that at about 12 it seems as though some alien has invaded their sweet child’s body.  In fact, many of us who work with teenagers often get eyebrows raised at us when we share how we voluntarily spend our time.

There are a few facts to keep in mind as you approach the teen years.  The similarity to the toddler years is the fact that the teens are once again testing their boundaries.  While this makes for some frustration on the part of the parent it is actually a good thing.  A teen is beginning another push for independence and trying to figure out who they are.  It would seem that how we handle this as parents is one of the keys for helping your child reach the end of adolescence by the end of their teen years and not carry this attitude on into adulthood.

Another factor to keep in mind is that today’s teen appears to have more to deal with, as far as pressures, than any other generation.  Today’s teen while facing similar temptations and pressures as their parents, will have to face them more often and have to face them in the privacy of their home.  This is because of today’s media, internet, and level of peer pressure.  Stay tuned this week as we discuss parenting teenagers.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on parenting teens.

Help! I Have a Teenager! | Part 1 2011-01-27T00:26:49+00:00