Consequences and the Difference in Single and Blending Families
One of the areas that can be a struggle for the single parent family and blending family is that the consequences may be different in each home. Some parents have difficulty maintaining consistency in their home when they know that their children won’t have to follow the same rules when they are in the other house. There are many reasons why this is. Some parents may struggle with guilt. Some may just get tired because maintaining this level of consistency is extra work. It is so important however to maintain the rules in your house regardless.
Start each evening that the children enter back into the home with a refocus time. This can simply be a reminder of what the house rules and expectations are for the week. Make this family meeting fun with a snack around the table. Be careful to use it only for a refocus and reminder of the rules and not a discussion of what went on in the other home. Using this time to refocus children will also help the parent maintain consistency because they have to consistently state their expectations.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on using consequences that train in single parent families and blending families
The Staff Meeting That Will Save Your Marriage
When we think about the concept of having a staff meeting to discuss parenting the thought may be overwhelming. Most of our schedules are so packed it may be difficult to fit it in. We have discussed several times just how important the staff meeting is in being on the same page as parents.
So just how do we fit it in? There are many times where we have to get creative. For the simple day-to-day parenting issues sometimes simply a phone conversation will suffice. We can discuss simple issues as we are driving home from work. For those more complex issues set aside a little (or a lot) of an evening where you have spent some time processing ahead of time.
We have so many communication tools at our fingertips we can get creative in how we fit in the staff meetings on parenting. We just have to make sure to do it!
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on using a staff meeting to select consequences that train.
Steps for Selecting Effective Consequences
Yesterday we discussed why it is important to get out ahead of your children’s behavior and decide consequences ahead of time. If you do this you will be less likely to react emotionally to the situation and more likely to be consistent with your consequences.
The first step to selecting the consequences is to make sure that both parents are on the same page. This calls for a parent meeting where you need to set aside some time to specifically brainstorm. This is something that will need to be done often because parenting is not a one size fits all type of thing. Each child is different and sometimes will respond differently to consequences. There are several things to think through while selecting the consequence. First you need to decide what behaviors are unacceptable in your home. They need to be things that are detrimental to the child’s future, not simply things that you find annoying. Continue to keep in mind the goals of parenting to raise a marriageable, employable and God-honoring adult. Next, if at all possible, think through consequences that fit the crime and are timely in their delivery. Consequences that are immediate can be more effective. For instance if a child does not complete their morning chores, giving an extra chore when they get home from school that day has more of an impact then an extra chore over the weekend. Keep the weight of the consequence consistent with the behavior and try not to over consequence for small issues.
Giving yourself enough time to think through consequences will help you be less emotional because you will already be prepared for the behavior.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on Consequences that Train.
There are several signs for us that we need to take a step back and evaluate our parenting. One of those signs is consistent yelling. When we yell at our children we make ourselves the consequence and begin to remove our relationship from them.
There are several reasons why parents yell. Yelling may be the only parenting style we have observed. It is also a sign of exhaustion; we are so tired that our fuse is short. Another reason is that we may forget that children will act like children, and we are taking their behavior personally. There may not be a plan for consequences in our home so we resort to yelling. It may also be a sign that there is too much stress in our lives and our children are getting the brunt of it.
Give yourself permission to take a time out. If you are yelling at your children take a moment to calm yourself and then continue the discussion. You may just need to step away from the situation for a moment to think of a proper consequence. If you do yell, which we all will at times, take the time to apologize to your children. Then sit down and get out in front of the consequences for the next time. This way you will be more prepared and won’t have to resort to yelling.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on yelling.
The Purpose of Selecting the Right Consequences
One of the hardest things for a parent to understand is the difference between consequence and punishment. A punishment is something that happens after the fact, given from one person to another. It can be an emotional reaction by the parent to the negative behavior and therefore taken personally by the child.
A consequence is a direct result of a behavior and is something that’s been communicated ahead of time. The purpose is to reform the negative behavior and should teach cause and effect. When a consequence is communicated ahead of time it is easy to begin to train the child that they “chose” the consequence based on their behavior. It takes the parent out of the equation and allows for the restoration of relationship. It is important to sit down as spouses and come up with consequences that fit the behavior.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on consequences.