parenting

The Reason for Chores | Part 4

2020-04-15T13:29:52-04:00

Implementing Chores

Many parents ask the question should allowance be attached to chores? The response is what are we training them for? The purpose of training up a child is to ready them for adulthood. There are many jobs that we as adults have to do around the house. I don’t remember ever receiving a paycheck for doing dishes, laundry or taking out the trash.  One of the purposes of chores is to teach children that there are things that we do simply to be a contributing member of a family. There may be extra jobs that are not considered regular chores, such as cleaning out the refrigerator or cleaning windows, that could be done to earn some extra cash.  This teaches a child to go above and beyond what is simply required of them. These extra jobs can also be used as consequences, without pay, for chores not done.
Many parents then ask how do I get my child to do household chores? We discussed yesterday setting up a reward/consequence plan for chores. We as adults do have a reward for household chores-a clean and relaxing living space. Think of some rewards,not monetary, that will motivate your child as well as consequences for chores not done.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on chores.

The Reason for Chores | Part 42020-04-15T13:29:52-04:00

The Reason for Chores | Part 3

2020-04-15T13:29:03-04:00

Chores Teach A Child To Choose

We discussed yesterday that chores train a child to do what is responsible rather then what is pleasurable. The question is where is a parent to start? The concept of chores is something that can start as early as preschool with simple tasks.  In our house, we are working with our three-year-old son teaching him how to clean up after himself. He picks up one set of toys before bringing out another.  Of course it would be MUCH faster, and I probably wouldn’t have to sing the clean up song, if I just ran around after him straightening.  If I consistently did the work for him, however, then he wouldn’t be ready for the next step, cleaning his room on his own.

For any child utilizing the ICE plan is key for chores.  Instruct them what your expectation is.  Tell them ahead of time what the consequence is for not completing the chore and what the reward is for completing the chore to your expectation.  Finally and sometimes most difficultly we have to step back and let them exercise their choice.  Are they going to choose a reward or consequence?

In the residential homes at Sheridan house the teens have chores every morning.  The room that does the best in their chores gets ice cream at the end of the week.  Many kids are reward driven so attaching rewards early on for a job well done will easily teach that it’s worth it to work hard.

 

For more on chores listen to today’s podcast.

The Reason for Chores | Part 32020-04-15T13:29:03-04:00

The Reason for Chores | Part 2

2020-04-15T13:28:17-04:00

Why It’s So Important

Why is it so important to fight the chores battle as parents? There are four main reasons. First there is nothing that teaches a child personal responsibility as well as chores.  It teaches a child to make the choice between what they want to do and what they need to do.  This learned responsibility translates into many adult situations from credit cards to sexuality.

Chores can communicate that a child is needed.  Every part of the family pitches in to help out.

It can also help to teach a child how to take initiative as well as learning the importance of excellence.  If I do something right the first time I won’t have to go back and fix it.

Lastly it prepares a child for emancipation from the home.  We have laughed about how many college freshman have no idea how to do laundry.  But simply teaching a child how to do chores helps them to learn basic household management skills.

 

For more on why chores are such an important area to train your child in, listen to today’s podcast.

The Reason for Chores | Part 22020-04-15T13:28:17-04:00

The Reason for Chores | Part 1

2020-04-15T13:27:16-04:00

Why Don’t We Give Our Kids Chores Anymore?

This week will be spent talking about the importance of children doing household chores. The interesting thing is that it seems overall families don’t prioritize their children doing chores.  Why is this?

There are many reasons for this but it seems that the main reason is time.  We are all very busy from adults to children in the home, our schedules are jam-packed.  The priority of chores has fallen by the wayside. It also takes a lot of time put in by the parent.  It takes time to train your child how to do the chore.  It takes time to inspect the chores and make sure that they are done to your standard.  It also takes time to correct mistakes, as well as time to cheer when the chore is done right.  This is why many parents shy away from the job of training their children to do chores.  “It just seems faster and easier to do it myself. “

Chores are an important part of training a child however.   There are many lessons that can be learned from them.  Check back the rest of this week to see why they are invaluable!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on chores.

The Reason for Chores | Part 12020-04-15T13:27:16-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

2019-10-10T10:27:20-04:00

When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 52019-10-10T10:27:20-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 4

2019-10-10T10:21:53-04:00

How Competition and Performance Impacts a Child’s Self-Esteem

We discussed earlier this week that our self-esteem is determined by answering the question of whose we are.    If that is the case we need to look at what He created us to be.  He made us human beings not human doings.  Our self worth cannot be established by what we do.  This is an important lesson to teach our children early on.

We have also spent time discussing how to help their self-esteem by communicating that our love is not attached to our child’s performance.  How do we guard them from finding their self-esteem through all of the extra curricular activities in their lives that society would deem important?  One way is to teach them the art of loosing.  We need to show them that it’s not about the win but the effort you put in.  This is such an important lesson to learn early on because if not our children will be looking for that next “win” even in adulthood.  What we do, or don’t do, doesn’t define who we are.  At the end of the day what we do needs to be left on the field.  Our gaze needs to be upward focused on the day where we can hear “Well Done” from our Heavenly Father.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 42019-10-10T10:21:53-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 3

2019-10-10T10:20:26-04:00

How Discipline Compliments Self-Esteem

How does discipline affect self-esteem?  It seems that many today would think that disciplining a child would hurt their self-esteem, which is why we have so many homes with so little rules.  In fact the opposite is true.  When a child has no consistent boundaries placed around them they feel very insecure.  Just like a fish that has been taken out of the safe boundary of the water they thrive in.

How we discipline our children is the key to this.  We must have a consistent plan in place for discipline because when we do not we become the consequence.   We also must be very careful not to remove our relationship as we discipline.   Which means no yelling or constant lecturing.   Be intentional to restore relationship as part of the discipline process.  Say something like this, “I’m so sorry that you have chosen to go to bed early tonight because of your attitude earlier.  It makes me sad that you chose to go to bed because I was looking forward to spending time with you.  I love you very much, which is why we are working on this area. “  Calmly explain the reason for the consequence and reaffirm our love for the child.  This way when we are consistent with our discipline the child can make the connection that they chose the consequence because of their behavior, it is not that we are mad at them or love them less today.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

 

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 32019-10-10T10:20:26-04:00

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2

2019-10-10T10:26:17-04:00

Where does Self-Esteem Begin in a Child’s Development Process?

When does our child’s self-esteem begin to be built? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding.  Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security.  A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The thing that we need to remember is that, unlike God, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.   That is actually a relieving thought; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all may have the best of intentions but we will make mistakes.  Admitting these mistakes will actually help your child through these moments. We can also use these times as a teaching tool, although mom and dad aren’t perfect their Heavenly Father is.

We can also communicate our love when our child makes a mistake.  Our child must know that we love them not how they perform.  We can create this environment by verbally communicating our love even when they have messed up or broken a rule.  We will talk more tomorrow about self-esteem and discipline.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem

The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 22019-10-10T10:26:17-04:00

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1

2019-10-10T10:11:35-04:00

What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 12019-10-10T10:11:35-04:00