The Levels of Communication
There are actually five levels of communication that we use when speaking to others. The first level of communication is called “cliché conversation”. This is very surface communication, verbally touching base with someone. The basic questions like “hi, how are you” and the answers to those questions.
The second and third levels of communication seem to be where we spend most of our time. The second level is journalistic communication. This is reporting things or giving facts/information. Such as my day at work went great, this happened today, ect. The third level is called editorial communication this is giving your opinion on what’s going on. For example not only talking about the game last night but how you felt the players could have done things differently or sharing your opinion about things that are going on at the office.
The final two levels are vitally important for marriage but many of us are afraid to go there. Either we are afraid of being hurt, rejected or we simply haven’t observed how to communicate at these levels. The fourth level is the “risk feelings level” This is when you cautiously test the waters to see if it is a safe place, or even just a safe time, to share feelings. This is the level where vulnerability begins. By sharing how you feel or how something effects you then you are beginning to share yourself with someone else.
The final level is called emotional nakedness. This is the goal for every marriage. This is where we feel completely safe completely opening up to another person. It is allowing each other to completely share who we are as people with no fear. Because of this level of vulnerability we cannot stay in level five communication all the time or we would be exhausted. For most relationships it takes building through each level even in one sitting to get to this point of vulnerability and ultimately years to practice!
For more insight on this topic listen to today’s podcast.
Why Is Communication in Marriage Important for Parenting?
Yesterday we talked about why communication in marriage is difficult. One of the things that we touched on is that most of the time we marry our opposites. We marry someone who is different from ourselves, gender, background and personality differences.
Because of these differences conflict is bound to happen. Conflict if handled appropriately can strengthen a marriage. This is where communication comes in. We must work through the issues not bury them. We need to be a parenting team. In order for that solid team to be built it starts with solid communication through the marital issues. That way when parenting issues arise we are ready to work it. Click here for more on when parents don’t agree.
the time to work through the communication issues it will help build a parenting team and strengthen your marriage in the process.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Why Is Communication So Hard?
One of the most important things in parenting is for spouses to be able to communicate about parenting issues. We are going to spend this week discussing communication in marriage because it is ultimately such an important parenting topic.
Why with so many communication tools is it so hard for us to communicate? There are many reasons. The first is the fact that many of us never observed our parents communicating, or communicating in a healthy way. Another is the busyness of our lives. We can become like ships passing in the night with our spouses and be so exhausted by the end of the day that we don’t have the energy to talk to each other. Another reason communication can be hard is that most of us marry our opposites and this is true for our communication styles. It may even be as simple as one of us is a night person and one of us is a morning person.
Whatever the barrier to our communication is we must choose to push past it. Find a time that is good for both you and your spouse. If communication has been a difficult issue then choose to spend some time on neutral turf, like out at a restaurant or a coffee place, even just out for a walk. The point is your parenting and ultimately your marriage depends on quality communication. Choose to make it a priority!
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
The Common Fears Of Each Stage Of Life
Each phase of childhood has it’s own set of fears that go along with it, from nightmares to fear of rejection. Listen to today’s podcast as we explore what some of these fears are.
Practical Steps In Helping My Child
One of the very first things we can do is listen. Even if it is our three year old and they are scared of the dark, we must be careful not to belittle or brush off a fear. Remember it may not be a real but the fear is real to them. The power of listening and being on their “overcome team” is extremely important because fears are very isolating. Another thing to do is watch for signal behavior. You might not know exactly what the fear is until you realize there is signal behavior. That same three year old battles bedtime or struggles staying in bed, or your teen all of a sudden has a very hard time getting out the door to school. Things like this may be telling us there is something deeper going on.
Some fears can be overcome by roll playing, like that fear of the opposite sex which we are deep down hoping never goes away. Some fears can be overcome by explanation, “No honey, the drain will not swallow you up. You are way too big to fit down the bath tup drain.” Some fears can be overcome by desensitization, that new school/new school year fear. Some fears can be overcome by time, hopefully the fear of the dark is an example of this.
One of the most helpful things with our sons is teaching them to pray when they feel afraid. This helps to teach them that there is someone bigger then them who is always there to protect them even if mom and dad are not.
Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.