What A Woman Needs In A Marriage
Ephesians 4:29 tells us to only let things come out of our mouths that are helpful for building up others according to their needs…. What do those needs look like for the wife? First, we need to realize that society has placed a lot of pressure on today’s mom. She is expected to be super mom. Which means she must cook kid friendly nourishing meals, keep a beautifully clean and organized house, balance a career and creative Pinterest found activities/crafts for the kids, maintain behavior, all while keeping herself in perfect shape and looking beautiful. Many of moms attempt to find their worth in these areas, but unfortunately can’t possibly be all things to all people. Her husband can know the pressure placed on her and constantly communicate her worth to him. A husband must be willing to step out of his comfort zone to communicate that he “cherishes” his wife. Our definition of cherish is, precious without performance. A question that a husband can ask himself is, since our marriage has my wife grown in an understanding of herself? Or has that flower bud we discussed yesterday begun to bloom fragrantly?
Check back tomorrow for more on the needs of the husband.
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Find The Combination To The Lock of Your Spouse’s Heart
A great analogy for two people coming into the marriage relationship is that we each are like a flower bud. It is our job to nourish and encourage that flower to slowly open, or be willing to risk opening up. A closed bud is protected, where as an open flower is more vulnerable but much more beautiful. An open flower is doing what it is created to do.
One of the ways we can encourage this vulnerability in each other, is by living out Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words are so powerful and after time they can either create a safe place for a spouse to open up and be themselves or they can tear down, which can also erode the trust in a relationship. We must be careful to build each other up verbally but we can also build each other by being aware of what the other needs. We touched on the fact that each gender needs love to be expressed differently. For the last two days this week we are going to look at the gender needs in more detail. Be sure to check back.
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Your Spouses Self-Esteem Is In Your Hands
Ephesians 5:33 “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” This was the verse that we brought up yesterday on how to express love. A lot of what this verse is talking about is that illusive often “secular” phrase, self-esteem. Self-esteem is not a focus on self. The term self-esteem is a compass or directional word. It is a word that indicates two things, where you derive your worth from and how well your system is working. No one can meet all the self-esteem needs of another person. Self-esteem must come from God, but God also uses the marriage relationship to enhance a person’ s image of self, to affirm and encourage spouses. Unfortunately, most people get married to get their needs met. Rather then focusing on my own needs and striving to get them met, I need to make the effort to access, understand and meet the needs of my spouse. Deuteronomy 24:5 says “A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or given any other special responsibilities. He must be free to be at home for one year, bringing happiness to the wife he has married.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a year off of extra responsibilities just to focus our efforts on how to meet each other’s needs? While getting that year off is not something that happens anymore the focus is no less true. How can we do better at affirming and encouraging our spouse?
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The Example of Your Marriage to Your Children
One of the reasons that we discuss marriage here on Parenting On Purpose is because the state of your marriage directly impacts your children. It impacts them presently as well as directly influencing their future marriage.
Romance is a very important element to a marriage. Unfortunately, maintaining romance is hard work so many of us don’t put forth the effort, much past the dating relationship. Because of romantic movies and other things in society there are very high expectations placed on romance. What it is at base level, is learning to express love. Learning to express love in a way that is meaningful to your spouse takes a tremendous amount of study. Because of gender and personality, different ways to express love will be more meaningful to each individual. In the great marriage passage in Ephesians 5, there is a closing statement that hints at the gender differences, as well as, gives the answers to those differences. Ephesians 5:33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” We will spend the rest of this week breaking down what this looks like, be sure to check back.
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