Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 5

May 26

Be Content With What You CAN Do

It is easy as a single parent to get overwhelmed at the parenting task before you.  One of the things to do when this happens is to focus on all the things that you can do as a single parent.  One of those things is finding a mentor.  This is someone who you can lean on even set up a weekly coffee/ lunch time to have someone to bounce of parenting ideas with.  This must be a woman that you trust and someone who is very Godly, so that you know you are going to be getting wise godly counsel.  The next area that you can look for support is family.  Many family members would be more then willing to watch the kids, while mom spends a little bit of sanity time by herself, even if it is grocery shopping.

Finally and most importantly the person who you can lean on most for comfort and support is our Heavenly Father.  It is amazing that the One who can give is the most comfort is often the One we go to last. Daily choose to give your situation and your children to God.  Make it a daily absolute that you are finding time to spend in prayer and in scripture! Remember He knows about our circumstances, feels our pain and loves our children even more then we do!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 
Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 4

May 25

Don’t Depend on Him For Your Self-Esteem

One thing that we have reiterated several times on parenting today is that we cannot allow our self-esteem as parents to be wrapped up in our children. If our emotions are tied to their performance then we cannot discipline properly or be objective. This is very true for the single mother.  She cannot allow her self worth as a mother be tied to how her children are doing. Often times if a son isn’t doing well it is easy for a mom to beat herself up. On the other hand she also can not push him hard finding her self- worth through his success. She needs to remove the emotion from it in order to get proper perspective. Click Here to see our previous week on the topic of performance and parenting.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 
Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 3

May 24

Give Him Independence

We spoke last week about how important it is to allow your son to begin to make his own decisions.  We must do this in order to begin to instill leadership characteristics in our son.  This is even more important for the single mom to make this a priority. This is in fact a two part process for the single mom especially if there is an older son.

The older son needs his mom to cheer his decisions and not attempt to make them for him.  He must be allowed to fail in order to learn. The other thing that is equally important for the single mom to process is that she cannot lean on her son for emotional support.  He cannot be a male “replacement” or someone to vent to.  He must be allowed to stay in the role as child.  Mom must be careful to put up boundaries in the adult/child relationship and not begin to lean on or emotionally confide in her children.  If this is an area of need in her life she needs to seek out a godly friend or even a counselor to vent to.

Another thing to always remember is that we are never alone, no matter how lonely we feel.  Our Heavenly Father promises He will never leave us or forsake us!

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more practical application on giving your son independence.

 
Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 2

May 23

Don’t Degrade His Gender

It is very easy for us to take out frustrations and stress on the people around us, and unfortunately it is most often on the people that we love most. Especially, when we have been hurt we can even unconsciously take out our pain and anger on those we love, i.e. our children.  For those who have suffered through a divorce, especially those with sons we need to be aware of this.

We need to make certain that we are not making negative statements about the male gender as a whole.  A son will not only look to his mom for the affirmation of his gender but ultimately to define what it looks like.  This is vitally important for a son’s development but also for the mother son relationship.  If a mother cannot affirm his gender, the relationship with her son will be strained.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for practical ways to affirm a son’s gender.

 
Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 1

Mothers and Sons When Dad Is Not Around | Part 1

May 22

“Put Your Oxygen Mask On First”

As a single parent, mom must realize that she will be dealing with many emotions.  She must give herself a chance to work through them so she doesn’t emote on her children. Healing is a slow, two steps forward one step back process.  It will take awhile.  Mom must allow for it and find the appropriate level of help, whether that is a strong Christian friend or even a counselor.  You cannot give the appropriate level of emotional care to your children if you have not begun the healing process yourself.

Another thing to keep in the forefront of the mind is if single parenting is a result of a divorce a mom must realize it was her divorce not her children’s.  That is unless there was some form of abuse and a mom needs to put the protection of her children first.  For all children but especially a son, a mom cannot use custody or opportunities for him to be with his dad as a weapon.  It will cause her children further pain.

For the rest of this week we will be discussing the topic of raising a son as a single mom, what that means and how to do it well.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.