The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 5

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 5

Mar 27

What A Man Needs In A Marriage

The male is much more short term oriented than the female. He is also very performance driven. He spends a lifetime looking for respect, the respect that God is referring to in Ephesians 5:33. Most men have little expectation about what marriage is suppose to do to their lives. So he will quest to find this illusive thing called respect in other arenas, places like work, sports, purchase of “toys”, or others at work. A key element for the wife to realize is that she must choose to respect her husband whether she thinks he is worthy or not. It’s not that he has earned her respect but rather that he is searching for it.

So what can a wife do? She can choose to be satisfied, both with things as well as him as a person. Guard her tongue, like Ephesians 4:29, tells us to do. Guard her heart. Matthew 12:34b says, “For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” Find a mentor to encourage you in loving your husband and children well, as Titus 2 suggests. Finally, a wife must make the choice to be her husband’s friend and lover not his mother.

Both husbands and wife’s must strive to understand God’s concept of worth. We are not worthy in and of ourselves but we are made worthy because of what He has done for us. We must make the choice to see our spouse the way that God sees us. It also helps to remember that God is not only our father but our father-in-law!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 4

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 4

Mar 26

What A Woman Needs In A Marriage

Ephesians 4:29 tells us to only let things come out of our mouths that are helpful for building up others according to their needs…. What do those needs look like for the wife? First, we need to realize that society has placed a lot of pressure on today’s mom. She is expected to be super mom. Which means she must cook kid friendly nourishing meals, keep a beautifully clean and organized house, balance a career and creative Pinterest found activities/crafts for the kids, maintain behavior, all while keeping herself in perfect shape and looking beautiful. Many of moms attempt to find their worth in these areas, but unfortunately can’t possibly be all things to all people. Her husband can know the pressure placed on her and constantly communicate her worth to him. A husband must be willing to step out of his comfort zone to communicate that he “cherishes” his wife. Our definition of cherish is, precious without performance. A question that a husband can ask himself is, since our marriage has my wife grown in an understanding of herself? Or has that flower bud we discussed yesterday begun to bloom fragrantly?
Check back tomorrow for more on the needs of the husband.

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The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 3

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 3

Mar 25

Find The Combination To The Lock of Your Spouse’s Heart

A great analogy for two people coming into the marriage relationship is that we each are like a flower bud.  It is our job to nourish and encourage that flower to slowly open, or be willing to risk opening up.  A closed bud is protected, where as an open flower is more vulnerable but much more beautiful.  An open flower is doing what it is created to do.

One of the ways we can encourage this vulnerability in each other, is by living out Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”    Our words are so powerful and after time they can either create a safe place for a spouse to open up and be themselves or they can tear down, which can also erode the trust in a relationship.  We must be careful to build each other up verbally but we can also build each other by being aware of what the other needs.  We touched on the fact that each gender needs love to be expressed differently.  For the last two days this week we are going to look at the gender needs in more detail.  Be sure to check back.

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

 
The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 2

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 2

Mar 24

Your Spouses Self-Esteem Is In Your Hands

Ephesians 5:33 “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  This was the verse that we brought up yesterday on how to express love.  A lot of what this verse is talking about is that illusive often “secular” phrase, self-esteem.  Self-esteem is not a focus on self.  The term self-esteem is a compass or directional word.  It is a word that indicates two things, where you derive your worth from and how well your system is working.  No one can meet all the self-esteem needs of another person.  Self-esteem must come from God, but God also uses the marriage relationship to enhance a person’ s image of self, to affirm and encourage spouses.  Unfortunately, most people get married to get their needs met.   Rather then focusing on my own needs and striving to get them met, I need to make the effort to access, understand and meet the needs of my spouse.   Deuteronomy 24:5 says “A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or given any other special responsibilities.  He must be free to be at home for one year, bringing happiness to the wife he has married.”    Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a year off of extra responsibilities just to focus our efforts on how to meet each other’s needs?  While getting that year off is not something that happens anymore the focus is no less true.  How can we do better at affirming and encouraging our spouse?

 

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.

 

 

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 1

The Reason for Romance in Your Marriage (w/Rosemary Barnes) | Part 1

Mar 23

The Example Of Your Marriage To Your Children

One of the reasons that we discuss marriage here on Parenting On Purpose is because the state of your marriage directly impacts your children.  It impacts them presently as well as directly influencing their future marriage.

Romance is a very important element to a marriage. Unfortunately, maintaining romance is hard work so many of us don’t put forth the effort, much past the dating relationship.  Because of romantic movies and other things in society there are very high expectations placed on romance.  What it is at base level, is learning to express love.  Learning to express love in a way that is meaningful to your spouse takes a tremendous amount of study.  Because of gender and personality, different ways to express love will be more meaningful to each individual.  In the great marriage passage in Ephesians 5, there is a closing statement that hints at the gender differences, as well as, gives the answers to those differences.  Ephesians 5:33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” We will spend the rest of this week breaking down what this looks like, be sure to check back.

Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic

 
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